Where art thou, real woman?

Recently we published a story 'Where have the real men gone? ' We got a lot of feedback with men wondering what gives women the licence to hold them to such standards when they themselves are lacking in many aspects. Andrew Opolot gives you a peek into a man’s world and attempts to find out why Mr. Right might be finding it hard to meet and keep Miss Right.

She moves around clad in baggy trousers, complete with suspenders.

On a bad day, the dark grey trousers are tight and fastened with a thick belt. On a good day, it is bell-bottom pants balancing below her bum exposing her mothers’ union panties!

Her tresses come in different shapes and colours. Sometimes it is clean shaven; other times it has stripes of green, blue or yellow or other times it comes in thick strands referred to as dreadlocks. She bounces with a swagger, talking animatedly on top of her voice, laughing thunderously and hitting tables while stressing a point.

Look no further; this is a portrait of a modern woman. She has read her books, has her cash and drives her car.

She is liberated or so she thinks and fits the portrait of an ‘eMANcipated’ (acquired more MAN traits) woman!

Yes, she seems to have it all, but lo and behold, Mr. Right is not forthcoming. She is ‘woo-man’ with the qualities, which ought to woo a man, but members of the male species are not winking in her direction. As this class of women scream in a chorus ‘Where art thou Mr. Right?’

There is a deep chorus responding from the male chambers, ‘Where is the real woman?’

Men are yearning for the tender, sweet and feminine woman. We desire for the woman who screams and scampers at the sight of a cockroach not one who removes her stiletto and hits the life out the hapless cockroach.

One who looks for a man to fix a bulb, not one who pulls up her skirt, gets a stool and climbs on it to do the needful. We yearn to see that sweet girlish vulnerability that needs a man’s protection and not one who declares how she can do without the damned pig! Where art thou my queen, the real, sweet, original woman?

 Raising a domestic Goddess

Do the real women who are faithfully committed to wifely duties still exist?

Where are they?

A story is told of a beautiful lady who got married and kept feeding her husband on take-away meals for a month. Every day she found a reason to entice her husband to bring some take-away instead of preparing a homemade meal. One day, the man’s friends visited and a serious meal had to be prepared.

The man bought fresh fish and requested his sweetheart to prepare a delicious stew. Little did he know that apart from the occasional fried omelette that tasted like burnt offerings, his queen could not prepare a meal. As soon as the fish was brought, the queen swung into action with her kitchen techniques. To ensure that the fish was clean, the queen in her wisdom used detergent powder to soak and wash the fresh fish. The rest is history.

Is it too much to ask a woman to cook for her husband? Why is the modern woman finding domestic work a bother?

“Why should men make cooking such a big deal? Did he marry a cook? I mean both of us are working and return home tired. You still expect me to cook? Please…,” says Linda, a single mother of one.

Annette Kirabira, a counseling psychologist, pegs the problem in the collapse of family values.

“We have a breed of parents who feel they lacked during their early years and their children shouldn’t lack. They bring up children in extreme indulgence. We end up with children inclined to life of comfort and who equate any form of work to suffering,” says Kirabira. She argues that girls who have been raised in such environment find domestic tasks a real challenge when they get married.

“There is nothing wrong with providing for your children. However, what we need to emphasise is a sense of responsibility,” Kirabira stresses.

There seems to be more to this problem than meets the eye. Charity begins at home and sociologists believe that a home is the melting pot of all society’s problems.

Florence Kwesigabo, the executive director of Family Support Group, says the problem comes from girls who are being brought up in homes with domestic workers.

‘Mothers no longer have time to do housework for children to emulate.

The house maids have taken charge of many homes. They wash knickers for grown-up girls, cook for them and lay their beds. What do you expect when such girls get married?” Kwesigabo says. She adds that many girls are being raised like boys making it difficult for them to become real women later in life.

When girls become tomboys

“My wife wakes up at eight o’clock and goes straight for the remote. Sometimes I have to leave home without breakfast if I have serious appointment in town. I have tried to talk to her in vain. It became clear that cooking and housework are a bother. It is frustrating,” says Emmanuel Mutebi, a businessman who wedded two years ago.

As women complain of men with less manly qualities, man are marrying women who want the honour of being called Mrs so and so minus the burden of being a ‘wife in the home’; women dressed in skirts but behaving like men. Men are hunting for that woman who is feminine; the woman who honours her position in the home, angelic wife, a cheerful homemaker, an understanding and adorable partner.

“Women are becoming too tyrannical. They want children, but want no business with their fathers. They want to be married but remain enjoying the freedom of single life. How do you live with such a woman?” says Henry, a sales executive. Where are real the women?

Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist, based at Uganda Christian University, Mukono says parents are failing in their cardinal role.

“We have a serious problem in our hand and the family is in crisis. Young men are marrying ladies while hoping to get a helper, only to discover later that the ‘helper’ can neither cook nor perform basic housework. We are bringing up children as if they will live with us forever,” says Musaalo.

Kwesigabo feels the poor socialization of the girl child that makes them behave like boys begins at home. Mothers are not grooming girls responsibly.

“Our girls are not even taught how to dress. From their earliest years they dress like boys. You will meet them on the streets wearing trousers hanging below their waistline with exposed knickers. If you question that attire they will remind you that it was bought by ‘daddy,’” Kwesigabo says.