The end of the relationship could be the beginning of a heartache. Maureen Nakattude explains how you can handle such difficult moments
By Maureen Nakattude
You might have had some difficult moments in your relationship. On the other hand it could have been a smooth sailing; until your partner says he or she no longer loves you. No matter how kindly someone tries to end a relationship. It is never the same for the listener. This signifies the end of the relationship and the beginning of the heartache. In such a well of emotions, what do you do when your partner has thrown in the towel?
It all depends on the kind of relationship, Peter Diba, a marriage counsellor, says. If you are already married with children, perhaps you should not give up so easily. “Seek the underlying causes and deal with them,” he urges adding :0 “It might be that communication has broken down to the extent that you are unaware of what happens in each other’s lives. That alone can kill love in any relationship.”
If you are just dating or courting, you also have to look out for the root cause. If you find and fix it, and your partner still wants out, then it is time to quit. There is no need to stay in a loveless relationship when you are not married. Diba advises that you, move on and get your life on truck.
Allow yourself to grieve
There is no need to pretend that everything is fine. You have just lost something that was dear to you; it is useless to pretend everything is normal. Sooner or later, you might have a psychological breakdown because you will be living in denial. One way to grieve is to talk to someone you trust. “If you don’t have anyone,” Steven Langa, a counsellor, says you should write out what you feel on the paper, then burn the paper or tear it. “Those bitter feelings will disappear slowly,” he encourages.
Avoid being alone
Do not leave a secluded life, no matter how hurt and ashamed you might feel. It is advisable that you surround yourself with friends and relatives. The more you seclude yourself, the deeper the pain for the loss. But when you are with people, they will force your mind to focus on something else, making the pain bearable.
It is easy to dwell on the past, but it is always recommended that you look towards the future. Norah Lumbita, a counsellor in Kampala, says one way you can move on is by keeping yourself busy. “Find a hobby you can indulge in like singing, dancing, taking a walk or helping others,” she says. The essence is to shift attention from you. As you do what you love and help others in need, you will feel happier.
Value your life
Often, when a relationship ends, that signifies the end of everything for some people. Diba says this should not be the case. Take good care of your life and eat right. Don’t binge on alcohol or junk foods: you will only feel worse. “Try to be smart and clean. Put on a cheery face because the best is yet to come,” he says.
Look for the blessing
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Sheikh Abdul Karim of Nakasero mosque says you should consider it a favour that he or she has left you. He or she could have saved you from wasting your time in a relationship which has no future. “There is a better partner waiting for you who was predestined for you,” he advices.
Don’t back track
Trying to heal is not easy, especially when you still love the person. When the relationship is over, it is over. Do not plead to be taken back.
It might seem trivial, but prayer helps. Pastor Peter Yiga of Natete says during such difficulty, God is the only one who can reach out to heal a person. As you pray, you find that God will fill you with hope that you will be able to move on.
Forgive and forget
You may feel hurt but it is no use to fill your life with hatred and bitter feelings. Yiga advises you to let go so that you can see what good things are in store for you. “If you do not choose to forgive, it can stand in the way of your healing,” says Yiga. “This includes avoiding blaming and pointing fingers.
It is better to take the responsibility that the relationship did not work out because of both parties.” Forgive and move on with your life. With a clear and happy mind, it won’t be long before you find someone else who will love you for who you are.
What if he does not love you anymore?