Let's crucify a few sons and daughters

By Denis Asiimwe
OVER the years, I find that the holidays always bring something a little different. It’s of course, always a reason to celebrate; this time round, we have had the usual long holiday and its timing wasn't half bad, just after the end of the month so we can all scrap together something for the Easter meal and stuff.

Easter, of course, is a time when we celebrate the sacrifice of Christ for the sorry lot that is humanity (that would be you and me, folks, just in case you were wondering). The idea, putting it mildly, is that if it hadn’t been for His sacrifice, that would be us right up there, hanging from the cross…or something along those lines.

Easter carols are not as much of a mainstay of the holiday season as Christmas carols; don’t get me wrong, I love “Up from the Grave He Arose” as much as the next black man but you get my meaning.

So, let’s wring some more fun out of this whole shebang and do some crucifixion of our own, shall we? And of course, since we are a musical lot, we will, for our subject material, do some songs and artists that, in slightly less tolerant times, would have simply deserved to be crucified, while keeping in mind that that particular sacrifice would not do anyone much good; really.

1. Angela, Sizzaman
For blatant plagiarism: What was he thinking? What was this sad man thinking? We live in a world where information travels so fast, if you fart in Times Square in New York, at least 15 people will be aware of it here (I am not suggesting you try it though). But somehow, this lad thought he could sneak a hit record into the country, rip off the beat AND the structure, and get away with it. He deservedly tops the list.

2. Born in Africa, Bebe Cool
Sometimes, when I write something, I go through it, read it back to myself and squirm with discomfort; I react like that mostly to my own poetr y, which can be really bad (though I get the occasional break now and then). I have no idea how Bebe, who really is a decent singer, could think this was a good take of Philly Lutaya’s classic. For misusing his great vocal ability and interpreting this song the way a truck driver with a bad case of hives would, he makes this list.

3. Any song by HB Toxic:
I am deliriously glad these two obviously talented girls got their careers going… away from singing, that is. Brenda is a great designer by all reports, and well, I have seen Helen on telly, and she is not half bad…she fits her role rather comfortably. But I remember what they did to music, even daring to throw in a few videos to boot, and it was a cruel thing to do to a world where sound exists. On the moon or something they could have gotten away with it, but down here, well…sorry girls… you make the list.

4. Jamal’s first songs:
Jamal has matured wonderfully as a musician; all you have to do is listen to Abakyara bazila and Ononsonyiwa to realize that this is one gifted lad, a guy who puts soul into Luganda, something, (at the risk of sounding sectarian but what the heck), that I thought was not possible. It is his original releases, however, that get him onto this list; yes, he is soothing to listen to, but his first releases had that nasal foghorn sound that for some reason he thought was sensual (it was not). The fact that it wasn’t, and that he left studio producers with tears in their eyes as a result of the disturbing frequency his early nasal tone produced, and the fact that he persisted with it for quite some time, gets him firmly onto this list.

5. Oh Boy, Black Candy
Black Candy was a delightfully named all-girl duo made up of the lovely Natasha Sinayobe and a girl called Prossy something or other. The group came onto the sometimes eclectic Ugandan music scene with a bit of a bang; if you are called Black Candy, and Natasha is part of your set up, you will get some attention. They faded off so fast, you wouldn’t be blamed for thinking it was a special effect. And that was the good part…Oh Boy was an unimaginative effort, one that made you sigh sadly, shake your head (SMH, hehe) and go “Oh boy…” It also got them onto this list. In the true reconciliatory spirit that greets all holidays, each person on this list is going through some form of redemption: Bebe has his career back on track and his wife safely back home, Helen and Brenda have great careers at stuff they are good at, Natasha went back to dancing while Prossy went back to wherever she came from, Jamal’s singing is amazing to listen to and Sizzaman is mercifully quiet. In the end, everything works out for the best, right?