Betrayed by a friend? Really?

Having parents is good; parents who are your friends are a marvel. Siblings give one a sense of belonging, but it’s the one who goes the extra mile and becomes your friend, who stands above the others. And though we all love to have a partner, nothing beats a wife who’s the husband’s best friend.

 

Now that being as it is, what’s this stuff about girls taking offence when their good friends propose? What’s the tantrums about? You have had some of your loveliest moments in your adult life not with Aunt Zulita, or Uncle Eliasafu, or your sister Saison or brother Elkanah. No, it was always with this guy.

 

You like the way he treats you, the way he listens, the wisdom he proffers when you need it; the way he takes your counsel when you offer it and just the way he’s who and what he is.

 

Then he, realising he would never find another you even if he waited till the eve of the Second Coming, he proposes to the one female who makes his day. And what do you do? Lose your cool. You tell your girlfriends how you can’t trust men; you rant on about how men always want to take it to the next level.

 

Just a few questions, Sis: Did you want him to stand by the roadside, looking out for the first girl who chances by with a limp in her left leg or with prominent ears and say hey, will you marry me? Or would you rather the fellow who has always derided you; insulted your fashion sense and laughed whenever you pass by his desk walk to you and propose? Is that your preference? Then this thing of men always wanting to take it to another level, is the idea here that the ideal man should be stagnant – never wanting to take it to the obvious next level?

 

Listen up, friend. Passion is more perishable than friendship. This romantic stuff of roses and violets has its ways that transcend agreement, planning and reciprocity. The fact that we don’t know where it comes from, we can hardly tell where and when it goes. Yet friendship is deliberate.

 

We make our friends, don’t we? We go out of our way to be friendly to others. That is why I never hear anyone confess to have fallen in friendship, but when you say you’re going to ‘make love’ to someone, people will gawk, because they’ll know you’re not going to start on the process of being in love with the person, but something much deeper.

 

Falling in love is easy, just like falling out of it. Not so a friendship. Falling is, indeed, accidental. So why shouldn’t your friend marry you and then, should passion go on vacation once in a while, you survive on your good, trusted friendship? Because let me tell you, nothing hurts like hating the person you thought hosted the sun when it retired, and he allowed it to rise when night’s duty was done.

 

Stop the tantrums. If a best friend does not propose, that is probably the most unfriendly thing they will have done to you, and you’re free to call them traitors. But a friend who wants to take it (and you) to the next level - girl, where do you find a friend who wishes you better?