Sex on the first date? Not for me!

Many women seem to be giving in to sex on the first date, even when the dangers of such acts have been preached over and over again.  Juliet Kasirye explores this trend

Getting intimate with a man on the first date used to be a no-no for me. In fact, I used to wonder what would make a girl sleep with a man she had just met. And when any of my friends confided in me about having sex with a man they did not know, I used to ridicule them, little did that I too would fall victim.

During my annual leave last year, I chose to go to Ssese islands to relax after having had a hectic schedule at work for the past two months.

My evenings were typically spent at the bar sipping cocktails. On one such evening, one of the hotel’s male guests joined me at the counter.

His pick-up line was he knew one of my relatives. I did not bother to find out which one as I was struck by his height, looks and charm. So smitten was I by this man, who said he was called Richard, that when he asked to join me, I did not turn him down. Together we drunk the evening away.

Later, he offered to take me back to my room and on the way there, he kissed me so passionately that all my guard walls came tumbling down and things went downhill from there.

We hurried to my room where one thing led to the other, and before I knew it, we were making love. We were so drunk that we forgot about using protection.

However, I felt so cheap afterwards when Richard asked whether I often slept with men I had just met. I was upset, but I could not undo what had already happened. The harder pill to swallow though was when a few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant.

I was torn between aborting the baby and throwing it away the minute it was born. Eventually, I chose to carry the pregnancy to term and keep the baby. She is a lovely girl, but everyday I worry what I’ll tell her when she asks who her father is because I do not know who him.

 WHY HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE?

Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist at Mukono Christian University, says in many love relationships; some desperate women give in to a man’s sexual demands, even if it is on the first date, if he threatens to dump them.

Musaalo adds that most people have sex on the first date because they mistake lust for love and forget that lustful men are looking for an opportunity to trap them to satisfy their sexual desires.

Mariam Nankya, a marital coach, says most people who are addicted to sex often end up having sex on the first date. She explains that such women crave sex so much that they will have it with anyone, even if they have just met them.

Richard Oridi, a counsellor at Christ the King Church, says there are some women who are facing challenges in their marriages tend to have sex on the first date as a way of relieving their stress or to revenge against their partners, especially if he starves them sexually.

Esther Nalule, a parent, explains that excessive alcohol and meeting in places like bars, nightclubs often lead some women into having sex on the first date, especially if they get drunk. And many men have made it a habit to hang out in night clubs and cajole tipsy woman into having sex with them.

Nalule adds that: “Sex on the first date is not immoral provided you are both attracted to each other. However, if you want a serious relationship, it is always important to limit your alcohol consumption on the first date such that you don’t feel embarrassed and regret the next day after sharing your body with a stranger.”

Milly Nambi, a teacher, explains that sometimes desire to find out how good a man is in bed often forces some couples to have sex on the first date. Besides, some women who don’t want to waste their time waiting to get married first only to discover their husbands are impotent.

“Many women who are stressed in their marriages often have sex on the first date with other men and use it as a way of revenging and paying back their partners who are often on the sexual network,” believes Charles Mugerwa, a communication officer.

RISKS ON HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
It is difficult to consider a woman for marriage if you had sex with her on the first date. “I can never respect, trust or have a serious relationship with a woman if we had sex on the first date because it can always haunt me thinking that she sleeps around with all men she meets for the first time,” says Mugerwa.

Musaalo says that if you are aiming at a serious relationship, you should often expect to be disappointed by your partner if you had sex on the first date because your partner will always feel insecure to start up a serious relationship with you. He will also despise you thinking that you are a slut.

Oridi clarifies that people who have sex on the first date often have high chances of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases because in such instance, people do no use protection since they are always rushing to satisfy their sexual needs.

Nankya explains that most women who don’t know how to control their feeling towards men often end up with unplanned pregnancies when they have sex on the first date.

Mugerwa adds that although some men just tease women to see whether they can easily give in to their demands, a desperate woman would often yearn to revenge his husband’s behaviour by having sex with another man in order to compensate what his husband is doing.

 Flee from temptation

Joseph Musaalo, a counsellor, advises one to politely, but boldly tell their dates they are not ready to have sex on the first date because they are not sluts.

Richard Oridi, a counsellor at Christ the King church recommends women to realise that most men make sexual advances to determine whether women are weak or strong enough to resist or surrender to their demands. Oridi adds: “Exercise their self-esteem in order to be respected.”

Mariam Nankya, a marital coach, advises women to learn to control their feelings when he demands sex. And if the temptation to give in is so strong, Nankya advises one such woman to flee before they do anything they may regret.

Moses Kawalya, a pastor, says women to limit the alcohol they take on the first date, especially with strangers. In this way, her judgment will not be clouded when he demands sex.