I found my one-year-old son dead drunk at home

 

When I knocked the third time on the kitchen door and heard no movement in the house, I started panicking. What if my son and the house help had been attacked and harmed? I walked round to the living room door and knocked harder. No sound. The light was on and I peered through the curtains. No movement.

 

I panicked even more. Then I went to the maid’s bedroom window and knocked frantically. My heart was beating so fast and I was scared my son might be in danger. When I heard a movement, I realised I had been holding my breath and let it out. 

 

But something did not seem right. The maid was only wearing a blouse. I started to panic again. What if someone had broken in and raped her? Where was my son? She made her way to the living room door and I felt like she was not sliding the bolts fast enough.

 

When she finally opened, I hurried in and then it hit me. The stench of hard liquor. The maid was drunk and she was alone with my son.

 

All the panic turned into a feeling I cannot describe. I hurried in to find my son and left her locking up before she staggered after me. I burst into my bedroom and found my son lying on the bed with the mosquito net thrown over him. The net was not tucked in and it was lying on his skin.

 

I thought he was asleep because he was not moving. I bent over to remove the net and the same smell hit me.

 

My son was reeking of alcohol. He was lying there with a glazed look on his face. He was not bathed, and he had urinated on himself. I picked him up and just held him and cried. I went into the kitchen and realised supper had not been served.

 

My one-and-a-half year old had tasted alcohol on an empty stomach. I was dying inside, but struggled to pull myself together. I bathed him and tried to feed him, but he could not keep anything down. He vomited all the food so I gave him juice which he gulped down. 

 

The minutes I spent rocking him to sleep must have been the fastest that my mind has ever raced. What if I had come home earlier? Could it have prevented this from happening? 10:00pm was about my usual time of getting home. What was she thinking?For how long had she been bringing alcohol into my house? 

 

When he fell asleep, I tucked him in and went back to the living room, fell on my knees and begged God to spare my son. I gave Him all kinds of reasons why he should spare my son’s life.

 

I lived in a remote place where clinics closed early. I had no car so I could not take him to a clinic. I knew I had to wait till morning. I did not know how much of the spirit he had taken, but he did not look good. 

 

My maid had already blacked out in her bedroom, where she had also defecated probably because she could not summon the strength to go to the bathroom a second time. I found a mess over the toilet bowl and had it cleaned up. 

 

Then the tears stopped. In their place was a ferocious anger that she had brought alcohol into my house and let my son drink it. That night was the longest in my life. I did not sleep a wink because I wanted to be awake whenever my son woke up.

 

He woke up twice, only to drink juice and go back to sleep. At about 5:00am, my maid woke up and started cleaning up the mess in her bedroom. I listened as I mulled over the things I was going to tell her. After all those hours thinking, I had calmed down and made a decision.

 

I was going to take my son to my mother. I loved my son with my heart and soul, but if I could not be present for longer hours during the day, I would need a more reliable person. That person was my mother. She loved him so much and she was available all day. I had tried to be a super single mum and I was doing well on most fronts, but my job was demanding yet I needed it to survive.

 

My mother lived in Kampala too so I would be able to see him as often as I wanted. 

 

When I walked out of my bedroom that morning, I had found peace. It was going to be the hardest thing, but it was the right thing to do. I was going to leave my son at my parents’ home. I took a week off from work to nurse my baby’s hangover, which lasted four days and prepared myself for his relocation to my parents’. 

 

It is coming to two years since my baby moved to my parent’s place and much as I miss him, my heart is at peace. I know he is in the right hands and I can work without any worries. 

 

If you are wondering about what happened to the maid, it turned out she had a boyfriend in the neighbourhood who bought her alcohol in sachets and she left some of it in a tumbler on the floor.

 

My son found it and drank some. In trying to explain herself out of the situation, she claimed he had only taken a little so he would be okay if he kept drinking and sleeping. I asked her to leave soon after. 

 

Who will look after my children when I am not around? That is a question many parents ask themselves. The quickest answer for many is to hire a housemaid. This has worked for many, but has not brought any peace to others.

 

Some housemaids do more than expected of them, but those are few and far between. For those who have failed in this pursuit of a good house help to mind their children, do not despair. There are options.

 

“My first alternative in a situation like this would be for the mother to leave her job and be the primary caregiver for her children,” says Lois Ochieng, a mother and counselling psychologist.

 

“However, not all families can afford to survive on one income and other families are headed by single parents.” 

 

This is a drastic move, but a number of families have pulled it off. The one way you can guarantee your child’s safety is to be there and take care of them yourself. 

 

A few parents have been judged for putting their baby in a daycare centre so early, but it is a necessity for working parents who would like to focus on their work or businesses without worrying about how their little one is at home. 

 

“I give credit to good housemaids, but a professional child caretaker has one job — to take good care of your baby. You will find some households where the maid does the cooking, cleaning, washing for all the adults in the home and yet still be expected to give attention and care to the toddler.

 

This is asking too much from a maid. And it should not surprise you when you find that all your child did all day was sit in front of a television and watch a lot of things they should not be watching for their age,” says Monica Luwedde Makayi, the proprietor of Little Treasures International Kindergarten and Daycare.

 

A daycare centre is not just a safe place to keep your child for the day, but also a place where values and skills are instilled. 

Ochieng says parents should visit as many daycare centres as possible to find one that suits their taste. The daycare centre chosen should be able to provide the child’s needs and build their character. 

 

 

Janet Kalembe, a 65-year-old mother of six, says in the 1970s and 1980s when she was raising her children, she always had a relative around to help the maid mind the children. 

 

“I was working as a nurse in Mulago Hospital. We used to work night shifts too so I opted for a woman older than me to stay with my husband and children. She was very good with the children, played with them and they loved her. However, the housework was always neglected,” Kalembe says. 

 

“I asked a cousin to come and live with me so that she could help out. In return, my husband paid her tuition for a tailoring course, which she went for in the evenings.” 

 

This way, she had an extra pair of eyes watching her children.  

 

“In those days it was easy to find a maid who would stay with you for years. Today, some people’s maids last only a few days and there are very many unscrupulous people out to hurt children,” she says. 

 

Alternatively, avoid hiring the maid altogether and get a trustworthy relative to stay with you. 

 

Many mothers who can afford it swear by having two maids. The essence of having two maids is to avoid one getting overwhelmed by minding the children and also have them watch each other. 

 

“The only problem with two maids is if they do not get along,” says a mother who tried it and her maids were always pointing fingers at each other. 

 

An over ambitious maid can want to get the other kicked out of the home so she can come up with a plot to oust the other. 

 

By assigning different duties to them, you can avoid clashes and the feeling that one might be interfering on another’s turf. 

 

This option is available to those whose parents are retired and have time to spend with the children.

 

“I live in a neighbourhood which has local video halls and bars that play loud music everyday, all day. My housemaid made friends in the neighbourhood and would sometimes leave my son alone in the house.

 

I thought building a fence would deter her, but the money to build it was slow in coming. I ended up taking him to my parents’ place because it was a safer place for him to grow up, the neighbourhood was good for a child and they are always there to watch him,” says Ruth Nangwe, a single mother of one.  

 

Some families live in semi-detached houses with neighbours very close by. Being civil to the neighbours is one way of getting people to watch over your child and the maid.

 

A good neighbour will certainly report if they realise that your child is being mistreated or neglected. 

 

Ochieng says the way we treat our housemaids is key in the way they handle our children. 

 

“When you treat them well, they treat your children well. Your children will pay for your actions when you are not there,” she says.  

 

Ochieng adds that if one can afford it, they should buy gadgets such as hoovers and washing machines, which will make life easy so that housework and office duties do not break their backs. 

 

“As a child carer, I do my best concerning children’s safety, but I know the one who does the real watching over them — God,” concludes Luwedde.