Why he abandons you soon after sex

By Carol Kasujja

Before I got engaged, I dated two men – I had sex with the fi rst one within the fi rst two months and after that, he told me he had a girlfriend and never returned.

 

I only got to see him in pubs. I met the second one at an introduction ceremony and we were attracted to each other. He was all over me, we went out and I decided to give in. We had sex on three separate occasions.

 

After six months, he went to Nairobi. I tried to send messages, but there was no reply. One day, I called him and when he answered, he told me that he was going to call me back, but he has never called,” narrates Esther Kasawo, a receptionist.

 

 

Interestingly, even men often do not know what they want from the woman they are seeing. “I dated a beautiful girl, but I did not know what I wanted from her, until I slept with her. After that, I even regretted why I had wasted time chasing her. I realised it was lust,”

 

Eric Kasita says. Joshua Bafaki says he dumped a woman after they had a one-night stand. “From the moment I met this girl, all I wanted was to get into her pants and she was too blind to see. When she gave me her body, I scored

and moved on.”

 

Jimmy blames it on loose girls: “There is a female friend I visited at a hostel. We had a great evening and when I was about to leave, she started seducing me. I lost it and we had sex.

 

When I fi nished, I told her that I had a girlfriend.” “She told me that she did not mind as long as I was not married.

 

She continued to invite me for sex, but I was not in love with her. When my girlfriend got to know about her, I never called her back because I could not trust a loose girl. Sometimes girls force us to use them.”

 

Fiona Nandaula agrees that some men run away after sex. “Most men just want a one-night stand. This is common with married men and those in serious relationships. They have important people in their lives, but they feel they have to sleep around. They lie to girls that they love them and after getting what they want, they drop them and look for other girls

to have sex with.”

 

Fiona says women should take their time before giving their bodies to every man who promises them heaven on earth. “It is possible he likes you, but giving in to sex does not mean he would like to see you again.”

 

Annete Aminate from the Uganda Counselling Association, says: “If a man disappears after you have had sex, that is a sign that he wasn’t into you in the fi rst place. Then of course, there is the chance that you aren’t that great in bed. Men love sex and failure to get it the way he expected it, will make him walk away.

 

However, these days, it is not only men who disappear, even women prefer those one-night stands. If a woman does not enjoy sex, she will drop that man. Before having sex with that person, investigate his relationship life. Be aware of men who ask for sex on the first date; such men just want sexual satisfaction, not love,” she says.

 

Aminate reasons: “If you start acting like a girlfriend before he has made that move, it’s a turn off. Do not get all emotional and make him feel guilty.

 

Guilt and sex don’t go together. If you expect it to mean something special to him, he will sense it. Most men do not see sex as something special, at least not in the early dating stage. Ask him where he wants the relationship to go and observe his reactions. If he fails to show commitment, move on.”