Yes-yes is a turn-off to ladies

 By Gilbert Kidimu

They say you have got to treat her like a lady. Take her out, be polite, wine and dine with her and pay the bill. 

If she ever gets cold, give her your jacket. Always remember her birthday and buy her a gift. That’s a lot of work!  You’re a nice guy for sure. But strange as it is, she does not seem to realise that. She still feels sweet even when you are already dating, takes you for granted and never returns any of the favours.

On the contrary, though, the bad guy, who cheats always, has a girl who adores him. And she may not be the only one. 

“Sometimes, guys are pushed to think that women just don’t want a nice guy,” says Arthur Ssemyalo, a medical student at Makerere University. “They want the bad boy who makes her wait, cancels dates and flirts with other girls as they are more attracted to him than the nice single guys around,” he adds.

Sharon Asiimwe, a sales assistant, reasons that although women always say they want a nice guy, what they really want is a real man, a guy who respects himself, stands by his word and speaks his mind. “Nice guys respect themselves. Whenever they are out on a date with a woman, they are always agreeing with everything she says.  That is not sexy at all,” she says.

Why nice guys are boring

The nice guy allows women into his life, agrees with them on everything and hopes and prays that these women will like him for being so agreeable. But Francis Ssegirinya, a sociologist wih Hope Ministries, says Mr Agreeable never gets the girl nonetheless.

“He never gets the second date after the first because he is boring.” “What being so agreeable tells a woman is that you do not have enough self-esteem to stand up to your own values. You don’t think enough of yourself to own your identity, so you become accommodating, inoffensive and boring,” says Ssegirinya.

“What a woman wants is a man. They want a leader, a great guy who will lead them. A guy who, when he dates them, takes them places and takes care of things his way, who stands up for who he is and will debate her on topics if he doesn’t agree with her,” advises Ssegirinya.

What women want in a guy?

Julian Kihumuro, a public relations practitioner at Uganda Human Rights Commission, says: “As a Christian, I would like a God-fearing man. But besides that, I like a guy who is not shy, is confident and can freely express himself in public. Even when we are among a group of friends, he can speak up, knows what he wants and stands his ground in a debate. That is the kind of man I would date.”

Victoria Babirye, a guest relations agent at Serena Hotel, knows what she doesn’t like- a nice guy. 

“A yes man is boring. You make him do what he doesn’t want. Don’t please me all the time? It’s boring. I want a man to say no when he doesn’t agree to something. I want him to be the man in the relationship. It’s okay to be nice, but be yourself, stick to what you know is right.”

Bridgette Jaramogi, a developmental worker, likes someone adventurous. “I don’t like a guy who sticks to the rules, is rigid and conservative. There is something attractive about a confident guy. He makes you believe in him.”

Be a Great Guy, instead

If you’re nice, that’s noble, but what you really want to be is a great guy. You want to be a man who treats people well and also stands up to his own principles.

Ssegirinya says one should want to be a man who leads, a man who decides if he wants to pursue the relationship or not, not a nice guy who tries to conform to her wants every time. 

Great guys are catches

To get there, you have to truly believe it. You have to live your life in a way that you truly want and not give it up just to make your girl happy. You have to know that you are a great, an interesting person to date, that you can get the women you want and that you can get laid when you want.

Hold your head high

A worthwhile guy would expect respect and to be equals with a girl no matter how good looking she is. A stereotypical bad guy would not tolerate bad behaviour from a girl and neither should you. Next time you talk to a girl, it is okay to be nice, but talk to her like an equal.

Girls need to work for your attention, says Ssegirinya. “Girls love it when they have to earn a man’s attention because it means the guy is worth something,” he adds. 

A great guy would only truly like a girl when she has shown characteristics that he likes in a person.

As a guy, when you see something that you want, you take it, regardless of the situation. If you spot a girl you think is attractive, don’t wait around or be afraid to talk to her. Try to seduce her right away, no hesitation.

The traits listed have nothing to do with being rude or treating women badly. A gentleman is also a Confident Go-Getter.

There is news for you if you are the nice guy suffering from lack self-assurance. “By working on your confidence and initiative taking, you can quickly start stealing girls from the bad boys as those bad guys lose girls who are marriage potential,” advises Ssegirinya.