Lessons from Valentine’s
Feb 17, 2010
I will tell you about four Valentine encounters that will make my point. I ask for diplomatic immunity for those who will feel offended. If you see yourself in these words, I am not talking about you.
BY HILARY BAINEMIGISHA
I will tell you about four Valentine encounters that will make my point. I ask for diplomatic immunity for those who will feel offended. If you see yourself in these words, I am not talking about you.
And I am not complaining about anything and, lastly, I don’t have any more time for apologies. So, fasten your seat belts, we have wasted enough time already.
Last Sunday, many people set forth for the Valentine’s Day. My concern is about these four.
One did not agree with his partner about the venue and purpose of the outing. Because he was financing it anyway, he announced that the meeting and venue will not change.
His name is Ddumba Patrick. His wife sought court injunction and used legal interpretations to call the rendezvous illegal and made it public that she would not attend.
DP insisted the Valentine’s assembly will take place in Mbale and hoped the wife would change her mind.
Across the valley was another family that proposed a Valentine’s of truth in Entebbe. They gathered and agreed to dump the diplomacy and speak their minds about each other.
What followed was a shocking realisation of inadequacies of no ordinary kind. Reports from there indicated that if you packaged their words into a copper shell, you would make a potentially devastating military weapon.
But the Cabinet family came to the conclusion that each one was doing badly in reality in spite of the goodly reports they were writing.
On another ridge, Francis Dominic Chemutai decided with his wife to show the public that there was internal democracy in the family.
Thus FDC and wife set forth through the villages campaigning for positions of head of family ahead of the Valentine’s assembly.
Some people applauded and others called it an unnecessary display of affection.
The last Valentine’s experience comes from the village chief, Nelson Ray Mucunguzi.
His household decided there was no political capital in acting out internal democracy and declared him the infallible head of the family.
That was followed by competition among NRM’s wives for the position of chief wife and the resultant bickering became fodder for village gossip.
Four days after Valentine’s Day, the four families hadn’t squabbled themselves into destruction. The obvious signs of disharmony haven’t produced cracks wide enough to swallow them.
Therefore, squabbles, disharmony or imperfection do not threaten love relationships.
They are actually part and parcel of the bonding and work towards making lovers perfect, a feat they achieve long after they are dead.
It doesn’t matter what mistakes you made last Sunday. No gift, wrong gift, forgot to commend, wandering eye, lack of punctuality, got drunk, impotence, run out of money, etc etc.
What matters is your partner now knows your real weakness and will adjust to it or help you change.
Love is not about pleasing each other all the time. It is about realities of presenting yourself ‘as is’ to the partner so that they make informed decisions of how to bond with you.
It is from that real self that you can begin to adjust to suit Beloved’s personality.
Once you begin to worry about being perfect, making no mistakes, you go on tension, start blundering and in the end, you can never have fun.
And when you remove the reward of fun from love, you remain with a federo without power. Ask Mengo what that means.
One last thing: While public opinion matters, your interests come first.
It is okay to pretend you have internal democracy but only when neither of you is under stress of looking the lie.
The first question you should ask yourselves is: Does it work in our basic interest?
If you are still finding it difficult, hang in there; retirement is only a lifetime away!
I will tell you about four Valentine encounters that will make my point. I ask for diplomatic immunity for those who will feel offended. If you see yourself in these words, I am not talking about you.
And I am not complaining about anything and, lastly, I don’t have any more time for apologies. So, fasten your seat belts, we have wasted enough time already.
Last Sunday, many people set forth for the Valentine’s Day. My concern is about these four.
One did not agree with his partner about the venue and purpose of the outing. Because he was financing it anyway, he announced that the meeting and venue will not change.
His name is Ddumba Patrick. His wife sought court injunction and used legal interpretations to call the rendezvous illegal and made it public that she would not attend.
DP insisted the Valentine’s assembly will take place in Mbale and hoped the wife would change her mind.
Across the valley was another family that proposed a Valentine’s of truth in Entebbe. They gathered and agreed to dump the diplomacy and speak their minds about each other.
What followed was a shocking realisation of inadequacies of no ordinary kind. Reports from there indicated that if you packaged their words into a copper shell, you would make a potentially devastating military weapon.
But the Cabinet family came to the conclusion that each one was doing badly in reality in spite of the goodly reports they were writing.
On another ridge, Francis Dominic Chemutai decided with his wife to show the public that there was internal democracy in the family.
Thus FDC and wife set forth through the villages campaigning for positions of head of family ahead of the Valentine’s assembly.
Some people applauded and others called it an unnecessary display of affection.
The last Valentine’s experience comes from the village chief, Nelson Ray Mucunguzi.
His household decided there was no political capital in acting out internal democracy and declared him the infallible head of the family.
That was followed by competition among NRM’s wives for the position of chief wife and the resultant bickering became fodder for village gossip.
Four days after Valentine’s Day, the four families hadn’t squabbled themselves into destruction. The obvious signs of disharmony haven’t produced cracks wide enough to swallow them.
Therefore, squabbles, disharmony or imperfection do not threaten love relationships.
They are actually part and parcel of the bonding and work towards making lovers perfect, a feat they achieve long after they are dead.
It doesn’t matter what mistakes you made last Sunday. No gift, wrong gift, forgot to commend, wandering eye, lack of punctuality, got drunk, impotence, run out of money, etc etc.
What matters is your partner now knows your real weakness and will adjust to it or help you change.
Love is not about pleasing each other all the time. It is about realities of presenting yourself ‘as is’ to the partner so that they make informed decisions of how to bond with you.
It is from that real self that you can begin to adjust to suit Beloved’s personality.
Once you begin to worry about being perfect, making no mistakes, you go on tension, start blundering and in the end, you can never have fun.
And when you remove the reward of fun from love, you remain with a federo without power. Ask Mengo what that means.
One last thing: While public opinion matters, your interests come first.
It is okay to pretend you have internal democracy but only when neither of you is under stress of looking the lie.
The first question you should ask yourselves is: Does it work in our basic interest?
If you are still finding it difficult, hang in there; retirement is only a lifetime away!