I must spend time with the boys. Why can’t she get that?

Mar 05, 2010

HEARD about the guys’ night out? Probably not, because the girls night out is the more commonly talked about trend. However, that does not mean it is less practised. In fact, many men have embraced a boys’ night out and many have confessed it is sometimes more fun than going on a date with their

BY MICHAEL KANAABI

HEARD about the guys’ night out? Probably not, because the girls night out is the more commonly talked about trend. However, that does not mean it is less practised. In fact, many men have embraced a boys’ night out and many have confessed it is sometimes more fun than going on a date with their sweethearts!

“Watching a soccer game with the boys, while catching up on the latest corporate sleaze and once in a while delving into the politics of this third world country is more interesting than going out on a ‘serious’ date with my fiancée,” confesses Brian.

He says he always ends up having verbal exchanges with his girlfriend for allegedly not spending enough time with her.

According to Brian, going out with his darling means that in spite of the great moments they will share, they have to iron out all the serious and minor issues that have affected their relationship over the past few days. However, after a hard day’s work or a hectic week, he just needs to have fun so he hang out with the boys, he explains

On the other hand, there are many ladies, who are upset because their men spend little time with them. “I don’t know what is wrong with men. When he is chasing you, he wants to see you all the time and keeps calling you for dates on top of giving you surprises all the time, but the moment he gets you, all that ceases,” says a visibly irritated Janet.

She added that with time he starts to concentrate on doing everything else he has to do outside spending time with you like regularly visiting his parents, going to the gym and watching soccer with friends.

Whenever one is hanging out with ladies, it is a common thing to hear them complaining about the little time their spouses spend with them. Conversely, when hanging out with the guys it is common to hear them say they need some time away from their ladies.

This begs the question, how much time is enough for Miss Right? How much time is too much and how much time is too little?

Belinda says the issue of time is set at the beginning of the relationship. If we used to go out almost every day at the beginning and after a few months into the relationship you start spending six days a week with the guys and just a single day with me, I have reason to worry.

She explains that her reasons for concern range from the fact that he probably no longer takes her seriously or he is cheating on her.

Women need to spend more time with their men in a bid to strengthen their bond and nurture the relationship. On the other hand, men feel ‘tied up’ in this situation, especially when they can no longer spend as much time as they used to with their friends, forcing them to find a way out.

Philip, a recently married businessman in his thirties, asserts: “Many times you just need some time away. It’s not being up to anything bad but you need to catch up with your friends and get out of the office-home routine because it can get really boring.

“Quite often a man needs to get in touch with the manly and boyish element in him that comes out best when he is hanging with the guys. This is reason enough to hang with the boys often,” Philip explained.

As a way of getting round this Philip thinks ladies should get more involved in and engage in the activities that consume men’s time like watching football, political discussions and working out at the gym.

“In case your man is okay with it, then you two can discover a lot about each other as you both participate in these activities and end up spending more quality and enjoyable time together,” he says.

On how much time is enough for Miss Right, Belinda says at least four evenings a week when you’re married and at least three when you are dating.

According to Janet, men need to understand that their women love to and need to spend ‘enough’ time with them. “If it means coming up with a schedule that accommodates both your interests, do so. However, this should not be forced as it may strain the relationship further. Otherwise, men need to give their ladies their time.”

On another note, Amina thinks ladies should give their men space when they ask for it so that they can get the best of them when they are together.

“Men get uncomfortable when their women are clingy. You need to give them space to go explore other parts of their lives.

“His experiences out there will enrich and refresh your relationship as you will have more to share and talk about when you are together,” she says.

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Men need to get in touch with the little boy inside of them and that can only come out best when they hang out with the guys

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