I woke up from my Easter with news about our soon-to-be possession: Su-30 Flanker jet fighters made in Russia. Government fell off its feet laughing at the joke, particularly that it came minutes late on the April 1 Fools Day.
But as usual, many Ugandans still do not want to believe the Government. As for me, I prefer not to make conclusions â€“ which is the political way of saying I am not convinced yet. We may still buy them, after all, you cannot have oil and coo like a dove; you roar like a lion.
Why donâ€™t we believe the Government? It is the most serious team we have ever had! It has delivered on almost all promises it has made! And it has only denied the truth a few times. So, why? The answer is simple, we do not believe because we are married and the story replays itself quite often in our homes.
Many times we put a ban on any further purchases to save money for childrenâ€™s fees or plot of land only to return home and the wife has bought a new dress! She may say it was a donation from her parents or the terms of purchase were too good to ignore. You raise anger landslide style, and by morning there is calm and there is the dress too. Victory!
The man may be tired of seeing his OBs driving and insinuating that he is soon dropping out of their social-economic status. His wife will not even hear of the suggestion to buy a car because her decisions are always based on logic: Buying land instead is better!
But land cannot deliver you to the boysâ€™ hang out, it cannot improve your standing among peers and, unless you move around with a land title pinned on your shirt, nobody will know you are a proud owner of land somewhere. And not anybody can call a press conference to announce that they have bought land.
So, while our wives know land is better, they do not know our urgent needs as real men. They do not know that our hands are itching like Museveniâ€™s, to threaten our peers and colleagues as well as those girls who always want to compare us.
So, we need a car, our version of a flanker jet, to send the public a message that we have moved a notch on the male hierarchy. We want to be able to say this without talking a lot. Driving around will but a land somewhere will not.
Wives call this stupidity and so, we take the next available option.
Get a loan by mortgaging family oil wells and buy the car before wife gets to know about it. Should she smell a rat anywhere before the deal is finalised, laugh at the rumour and sing the same song of enemies wanting to break the family. When the jet â€“ sorry, the car finally arrives, it will be too late to undo the purchase.
Husband will achieve his level on the male ladder and the wife will accept the car by noting that it was against her better advice. Arenâ€™t wives such understanding people? Victory!
Of course, I am not advising married couples to purchase things clandestinely. All I want them to know is that once you have said a big â€˜NOâ€™ to a purchase suggestion, do not be naive to imagine that the curtains will fall on the project.
Depending on the urge inside Beloved, an alternative will be sought. If you want to avoid such debates over having bought a Benz with money that could have bought a bus, get your own account, make it a collective decision by the directors (meaning you) of the company (maybe kiwani) you started or shoot and explain later.
Mutual agreement on purchase priorities will always be represented among family challenges. The method you use to buy what you want against popular resistance and still achieve harmony after the merchandise has been delivered, is what makes you a wise adult.
Probably that is even why you make a weekly decision to read this column.
Buying the jet against popular resistance