Where should parents and teachers draw the line?
Apr 27, 2010
A story is told of a young graduate who surprised everyone at his graduation party when he handed over his certificate to his father and said: “I have finally accomplished what you told me to do. You sent me to get you a degree; here it is. I am off to practice music,†Peter said.
By Arthur Baguma and Agnes Kyotalengerire
A story is told of a young graduate who surprised everyone at his graduation party when he handed over his certificate to his father and said: “I have finally accomplished what you told me to do. You sent me to get you a degree; here it is. I am off to practice music,†Peter said.
Peter’s dream was to become a musician. When he completed S.6, he wanted to enroll in a music school. But his father, a renowned lawyer, forced him to do a professional degree at university. To satisfy his father’s whims, Peter enrolled for law at university.
It was the same story for Michael who passed well with 18 points and hoped to study mass communication at university. But when the admission list was released, he had been given bachelor of arts in arts.
Although he opted to do mass communication on private sponsorship, his father told him to enroll in the government-sponsored course, since it would save him the burden of paying tuition.
Public universities have started admitting students for the academic year which starts in August. As students pick application forms to apply for various academic programmes, tension mounts among students and parents. Many students have to strike a balance between choosing a career and pleasing their parents.
Should parents be involved?
The involvement of parents in making career decisions for their children has come under the spotlight by career experts. Most times the parents base their decisions on selfish desires driven by financial concerns, ego and wishful thinking.
Daniel Mbazira, a teacher and careers master at Ssaku SSS in Luweero, argues that a student may not always make the ideal choices to lead him to what the parents consider a bright future. However, he should be allowed to make his choice, with reasonable guidance from the parents. For example, a person who is forced to study medicine may not have the specific qualities required to excel in the field, and may not be able to dedicate himself entirely to the job,†Mbazira says. If a career in cooking is where a child’s passion lies, there is no need for the parent to block that path. It is better to be an outstanding chef than to be a mediocre doctor, he argues.
When should the decision
be made?
Many S.6 leavers are wondering which course to study at university and whether their parents’ preference should override their own career wishes.
Jacob Ojok who scored 1ABAB (23 points) in history, economics, literature and divinity, respectively wants to do journalism. He wants to study mass communication at university. But Ojok’s parents will not hear of this.
They insist he must study law. He might be forced to do what his parents want because they pay his tuition.
What do the experts say?
Rev. Denis Odoi, a counsellor, says this clash of choices among children and their parents is common. Many times teenagers preparing to join university complain of being forced to do courses against their wish. “If I am the one paying for your university education, you must study to become a doctor or I will not pay,†a parent told his child.
But career experts advise that to avoid such clashes, parents need to start guiding and directing their children towards rewarding career paths as soon as the child starts school.
Moses Otyek, a specialist in career guidance and counselling, says career choice is a long process that should not begin in S.6 or at university. It should start right from the time a child starts school.
Otyek says from the of age one to six, a parent should help a child make decisions that will benefit the child, and parents should desist from forcing children into career paths for their (parents) own selfish ends.
Mark Oboko, had a dilemma right from high school. In S.4, a career counsellor told Oboko that his ideal job was in psychology. But his father always said he wanted him to work as a diplomat. A teacher at school advised him to launch a career in business. He does not know whose advice to take.
What do parents say?
Josephine Mirembe, a mother of four, insists that parents’ opinion should always be given priority. “Parents have a wider experience. They have a better understanding of how things work. They can distinguish an excellent decision from a bad one. A parent’s choice is always in the interest of his child,†Mirembe explains.
However, career experts encourage parents to discuss with the children their career choices based on the child’s performance, interest and personality. In case a child is not convinced, the parents should not force their preferences down a child’s throat.
Odoi advises that career shaping begins by interacting with the child at their lower levels of education. “Avoid being an absentee parent. Be a friend, play and do homework with the children and get to know their teachers,†he says.
This helps the parent know the strengths and weaknesses of the child. “While you interact with them, ask them what their career objectives are and from what they do and say, you will begin to sense their direction,†he says.
Depending on what career a child will express interest in, respect their choice, be supportive and work together towards that goal. Buy books and help them become what they want to and not what you want them to be, Odoi says.
Prestige verses career choices
Some parents force their children to take on a career to maintain a family status quo. For instance, if all one’s siblings are lawyers, one might be compelled to take the same path.
Otyek says this undermines the important principle of helping individuals make informed decisions. He notes that some parents feel that they have a certain reputation to uphold and, therefore, their children must attend a certain university, study a certain course and live the dream life they (parents) visualised to live. Otyek says some parents argue they want to spare their children from making some of the career mistakes they made. “Though some parents do this consciously or subconsciously, they must realise they are trying to live their lives through their children,†Otyek warns.
It is normal for any good parent to feel concerned about his child’s future, but parents should train their children in childhood and learn to let go, especially when the children approach adolescence.
Otyek cautions parents against living their dreams through their children. “If you feel that it is too late for you to accomplish your dream, move on and allow your children to follow their own dreams and create a life for themselves. You are two people with different abilities and interests,†he explains.
Way forward
Experts say career choice starts with self-assessment. Make the child realise who he is and this starts by helping him examine his abilities at school and outside. The personality of the child is also a crucial factor. Establish if your child is an introvert (likes working alone) or an extrovert (likes working with people).
Parents are advised to expose the children to different professions. For example, allow them to visit and interact with different professionals, like bankers, lawyers and doctors. However, at the end of the day, the decision to pursue a career should lie in the child’s hands.
As you help your child to make a career choice, experts advise, you need to realise that in today’s world, the highest paid jobs are in fields of extreme specialisation in areas of personal interest and passion. A head chef can earn as much as a chief executive, depending on how good each one is at their job, and this largely depends on the individual’s interests and personal abilities.
Should parents choose careers for their children? Write to education@newvision.co.ug, or sms education (space) message and send to 8338
A story is told of a young graduate who surprised everyone at his graduation party when he handed over his certificate to his father and said: “I have finally accomplished what you told me to do. You sent me to get you a degree; here it is. I am off to practice music,†Peter said.
Peter’s dream was to become a musician. When he completed S.6, he wanted to enroll in a music school. But his father, a renowned lawyer, forced him to do a professional degree at university. To satisfy his father’s whims, Peter enrolled for law at university.
It was the same story for Michael who passed well with 18 points and hoped to study mass communication at university. But when the admission list was released, he had been given bachelor of arts in arts.
Although he opted to do mass communication on private sponsorship, his father told him to enroll in the government-sponsored course, since it would save him the burden of paying tuition.
Public universities have started admitting students for the academic year which starts in August. As students pick application forms to apply for various academic programmes, tension mounts among students and parents. Many students have to strike a balance between choosing a career and pleasing their parents.
Should parents be involved?
The involvement of parents in making career decisions for their children has come under the spotlight by career experts. Most times the parents base their decisions on selfish desires driven by financial concerns, ego and wishful thinking.
Daniel Mbazira, a teacher and careers master at Ssaku SSS in Luweero, argues that a student may not always make the ideal choices to lead him to what the parents consider a bright future. However, he should be allowed to make his choice, with reasonable guidance from the parents. For example, a person who is forced to study medicine may not have the specific qualities required to excel in the field, and may not be able to dedicate himself entirely to the job,†Mbazira says. If a career in cooking is where a child’s passion lies, there is no need for the parent to block that path. It is better to be an outstanding chef than to be a mediocre doctor, he argues.
When should the decision
be made?
Many S.6 leavers are wondering which course to study at university and whether their parents’ preference should override their own career wishes.
Jacob Ojok who scored 1ABAB (23 points) in history, economics, literature and divinity, respectively wants to do journalism. He wants to study mass communication at university. But Ojok’s parents will not hear of this.
They insist he must study law. He might be forced to do what his parents want because they pay his tuition.
What do the experts say?
Rev. Denis Odoi, a counsellor, says this clash of choices among children and their parents is common. Many times teenagers preparing to join university complain of being forced to do courses against their wish. “If I am the one paying for your university education, you must study to become a doctor or I will not pay,†a parent told his child.
But career experts advise that to avoid such clashes, parents need to start guiding and directing their children towards rewarding career paths as soon as the child starts school.
Moses Otyek, a specialist in career guidance and counselling, says career choice is a long process that should not begin in S.6 or at university. It should start right from the time a child starts school.
Otyek says from the of age one to six, a parent should help a child make decisions that will benefit the child, and parents should desist from forcing children into career paths for their (parents) own selfish ends.
Mark Oboko, had a dilemma right from high school. In S.4, a career counsellor told Oboko that his ideal job was in psychology. But his father always said he wanted him to work as a diplomat. A teacher at school advised him to launch a career in business. He does not know whose advice to take.
What do parents say?
Josephine Mirembe, a mother of four, insists that parents’ opinion should always be given priority. “Parents have a wider experience. They have a better understanding of how things work. They can distinguish an excellent decision from a bad one. A parent’s choice is always in the interest of his child,†Mirembe explains.
However, career experts encourage parents to discuss with the children their career choices based on the child’s performance, interest and personality. In case a child is not convinced, the parents should not force their preferences down a child’s throat.
Odoi advises that career shaping begins by interacting with the child at their lower levels of education. “Avoid being an absentee parent. Be a friend, play and do homework with the children and get to know their teachers,†he says.
This helps the parent know the strengths and weaknesses of the child. “While you interact with them, ask them what their career objectives are and from what they do and say, you will begin to sense their direction,†he says.
Depending on what career a child will express interest in, respect their choice, be supportive and work together towards that goal. Buy books and help them become what they want to and not what you want them to be, Odoi says.
Prestige verses career choices
Some parents force their children to take on a career to maintain a family status quo. For instance, if all one’s siblings are lawyers, one might be compelled to take the same path.
Otyek says this undermines the important principle of helping individuals make informed decisions. He notes that some parents feel that they have a certain reputation to uphold and, therefore, their children must attend a certain university, study a certain course and live the dream life they (parents) visualised to live. Otyek says some parents argue they want to spare their children from making some of the career mistakes they made. “Though some parents do this consciously or subconsciously, they must realise they are trying to live their lives through their children,†Otyek warns.
It is normal for any good parent to feel concerned about his child’s future, but parents should train their children in childhood and learn to let go, especially when the children approach adolescence.
Otyek cautions parents against living their dreams through their children. “If you feel that it is too late for you to accomplish your dream, move on and allow your children to follow their own dreams and create a life for themselves. You are two people with different abilities and interests,†he explains.
Way forward
Experts say career choice starts with self-assessment. Make the child realise who he is and this starts by helping him examine his abilities at school and outside. The personality of the child is also a crucial factor. Establish if your child is an introvert (likes working alone) or an extrovert (likes working with people).
Parents are advised to expose the children to different professions. For example, allow them to visit and interact with different professionals, like bankers, lawyers and doctors. However, at the end of the day, the decision to pursue a career should lie in the child’s hands.
As you help your child to make a career choice, experts advise, you need to realise that in today’s world, the highest paid jobs are in fields of extreme specialisation in areas of personal interest and passion. A head chef can earn as much as a chief executive, depending on how good each one is at their job, and this largely depends on the individual’s interests and personal abilities.
Should parents choose careers for their children? Write to education@newvision.co.ug, or sms education (space) message and send to 8338