When is the right time to marry?
Michael, 38, staggered to the fridge to get something to drink. He was down with malaria, but being unmarried, he had to take care of himself inspite of his illness. His mother often pestered him to marry, but the bachelor was not up to it yet.
By Maureen Nakatudde
Michael, 38, staggered to the fridge to get something to drink. He was down with malaria, but being unmarried, he had to take care of himself inspite of his illness. His mother often pestered him to marry, but the bachelor was not up to it yet.
Such pressure in society and family assumes there is a right age to marry. But even within society, there is no agreement on the right age. The president, when marrying off one of his daughters, advised parents to ensure that their children marry as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, some sons and daughters echo Ngungi wa Thiong’o’s play: “I will marry when I want.†When there is no sign of a potential partner or prospect of marriage in the son or daughter’s life, parents begin piling on the pressure. Some parents want to intervene and others think the decision belongs to the son or daughter.
The legal view
Hajji Aziz Kiwanuka, a lawyer with M. A. Bwengye and Company Advocates in Kampala, says the legally acceptable age for marriage in Uganda is 18 years and above. But in some countries in Europe the legal marriage age is 21.
Kiwanuka says it is presumed that at 18, one is mature enough to make a legally binding contract, understand its implication and be responsible for the consequences. However, under customary marriage, 16 years for a girl is permissible.
“But this is dangerous,†Kiwanuka says, “because there is another section in the law, which says a customary marriage shall be void if the female party has not attained the age of 18. So don’t be surprised if you are arrested.â€
Policy recommendation
The Population Secretariat advises people to marry early in order to ensure their children’s transition to adulthood before the parents retire, die or age out.
Child rearing is demanding and needs strong excitable parents. Getting children in old age means you will grow old before they become self-sustaining adults.
According to Garrison Musamali, a communication officer at Uganda Bureau of Statistics, the life expectancy of a Ugandan man is 48.8 and 52.0 for women. Basing on this, Musamali says the recommended age for marriage should be 18 and above for a woman and 23 for a man. “This assumes they have both finished school. Parents can rear their children and leave them as adults before they age out.â€
Doctor’s view
According to Dr Michael Kibuule, a gynaecologist at Kim Medical Centre, there is no medical problem when people marry as soon as the female has developed her reproductive organs fully and can be able to cushion the foetus and when a man is able to ejaculate.
“This varies. But I would not advise a girl below 18 to start reproduction because she is still vulnerable to general complications. her pelvic capacity may not be ready to support full term gestation.â€
At 21, the doctor says, a female is ready for reproduction. Delaying reproduction also comes with repercussions.
“Women easily develop fibroids, which are abnormal growths normally found in the uterus, the female reproductive organ. Female reproductive age remains very safe till around 34. Beyond that exposes you to other complications like phospholipids, phospholipids protein syndrome and habitual miscarriages.â€
However, while girls are ready by 21, men don’t develop psychologically for marriage till around 25 years of age,†Kibuule says.
Social answer
Unlike in the past when people were matched and married off, today the right age to marry must coincide with the availability of resources and the right partner.
All these have variables which have to affect the final decision to marry. However, assuming all factors constant, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, a psychologist, sets 28 as the best age on average. In his book, What is the right age to get married?, he quotes a recent study, which indicates that most stable marriages have a starting date of 28 years. He generalises that stable marriages should be contracted no earlier than the mid-twenties.
“The global divorce rate for couples under 20 is 80-85%, incredibly high. Social scientists explain that people who marry young are seldom prepared for marital roles,†he wrote.
Julius Mugisha, a married man, agrees with him. “I would prefer 18 for a girl and 25 for a boy at least. But up to 27 or 30 for a woman or 35 to 40 for a man is still okay. That is when the problems of adjustment can be adequately managed.â€
Mugisha blames the current high levels of infidelity on early marriages. “Couples marry too young to choose maturely and get frustrated, often resorting to cheating,†he says.
At 35, he adds, a man has earned enough property to support his family. For Grace Magezi, an elderly woman, marriage for girls should be at 25 and 30 for men. She says by this age, the girl would have set her career path rolling and achieved enough to be self sustaining.
“These are important for confidence and self esteem in marriage. For a man, 30 is enough time to exhaust all the fun and retire into maturity. It also enables him to establish himself firmly enough to meet the obligations marriage brings.â€
Pastor’s view
“It is better to marry when you are young. For a girl, 21 and boy, 25,†says Pastor Sande Kafeero, a counsellor at Nankuwadde Full Gospel Church. “Thirty five and 40 are not good because it is the peak of your careers. At 35, a responsible man would have already laid a foundation for his family. At 40, the man would be preparing for retirement.
At 55 you should have a child at university or getting ready to start his own family instead of struggling with tuition.†Kafeero adds that after 40 in Africa, your energies and health cannot allow you to be an effective parent.
“Don’t you see how grandparents spoil kids instead of being tough on discipline? As you grow, you naturally develop grandparent instincts of pampering, which spoils kids.â€
The pastor also knows a child who found it hard to introduce an old man as his father to his fellow students.
Counsellor’s view
Steven Langa, a counsellor with Family Life Network in Kampala, says there is no right or wrong age, but the earlier you marry, the better. “You need to mature physically and emotionally,†Langa says. “Women should marry earlier since they mature much faster than men.â€
On the social aspect, Langa advises that spending many years living alone makes it hard for anyone to start adjusting to partners. “Your patience easily wears out yet marriage is about sharing and accommodating each other,†Langa says.
Michael, 38, staggered to the fridge to get something to drink. He was down with malaria, but being unmarried, he had to take care of himself inspite of his illness. His mother often pestered him to marry, but the bachelor was not up to it yet.
Such pressure in society and family assumes there is a right age to marry. But even within society, there is no agreement on the right age. The president, when marrying off one of his daughters, advised parents to ensure that their children marry as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, some sons and daughters echo Ngungi wa Thiong’o’s play: “I will marry when I want.†When there is no sign of a potential partner or prospect of marriage in the son or daughter’s life, parents begin piling on the pressure. Some parents want to intervene and others think the decision belongs to the son or daughter.
The legal view
Hajji Aziz Kiwanuka, a lawyer with M. A. Bwengye and Company Advocates in Kampala, says the legally acceptable age for marriage in Uganda is 18 years and above. But in some countries in Europe the legal marriage age is 21.
Kiwanuka says it is presumed that at 18, one is mature enough to make a legally binding contract, understand its implication and be responsible for the consequences. However, under customary marriage, 16 years for a girl is permissible.
“But this is dangerous,†Kiwanuka says, “because there is another section in the law, which says a customary marriage shall be void if the female party has not attained the age of 18. So don’t be surprised if you are arrested.â€
Policy recommendation
The Population Secretariat advises people to marry early in order to ensure their children’s transition to adulthood before the parents retire, die or age out.
Child rearing is demanding and needs strong excitable parents. Getting children in old age means you will grow old before they become self-sustaining adults.
According to Garrison Musamali, a communication officer at Uganda Bureau of Statistics, the life expectancy of a Ugandan man is 48.8 and 52.0 for women. Basing on this, Musamali says the recommended age for marriage should be 18 and above for a woman and 23 for a man. “This assumes they have both finished school. Parents can rear their children and leave them as adults before they age out.â€
Doctor’s view
According to Dr Michael Kibuule, a gynaecologist at Kim Medical Centre, there is no medical problem when people marry as soon as the female has developed her reproductive organs fully and can be able to cushion the foetus and when a man is able to ejaculate.
“This varies. But I would not advise a girl below 18 to start reproduction because she is still vulnerable to general complications. her pelvic capacity may not be ready to support full term gestation.â€
At 21, the doctor says, a female is ready for reproduction. Delaying reproduction also comes with repercussions.
“Women easily develop fibroids, which are abnormal growths normally found in the uterus, the female reproductive organ. Female reproductive age remains very safe till around 34. Beyond that exposes you to other complications like phospholipids, phospholipids protein syndrome and habitual miscarriages.â€
However, while girls are ready by 21, men don’t develop psychologically for marriage till around 25 years of age,†Kibuule says.
Social answer
Unlike in the past when people were matched and married off, today the right age to marry must coincide with the availability of resources and the right partner.
All these have variables which have to affect the final decision to marry. However, assuming all factors constant, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, a psychologist, sets 28 as the best age on average. In his book, What is the right age to get married?, he quotes a recent study, which indicates that most stable marriages have a starting date of 28 years. He generalises that stable marriages should be contracted no earlier than the mid-twenties.
“The global divorce rate for couples under 20 is 80-85%, incredibly high. Social scientists explain that people who marry young are seldom prepared for marital roles,†he wrote.
Julius Mugisha, a married man, agrees with him. “I would prefer 18 for a girl and 25 for a boy at least. But up to 27 or 30 for a woman or 35 to 40 for a man is still okay. That is when the problems of adjustment can be adequately managed.â€
Mugisha blames the current high levels of infidelity on early marriages. “Couples marry too young to choose maturely and get frustrated, often resorting to cheating,†he says.
At 35, he adds, a man has earned enough property to support his family. For Grace Magezi, an elderly woman, marriage for girls should be at 25 and 30 for men. She says by this age, the girl would have set her career path rolling and achieved enough to be self sustaining.
“These are important for confidence and self esteem in marriage. For a man, 30 is enough time to exhaust all the fun and retire into maturity. It also enables him to establish himself firmly enough to meet the obligations marriage brings.â€
Pastor’s view
“It is better to marry when you are young. For a girl, 21 and boy, 25,†says Pastor Sande Kafeero, a counsellor at Nankuwadde Full Gospel Church. “Thirty five and 40 are not good because it is the peak of your careers. At 35, a responsible man would have already laid a foundation for his family. At 40, the man would be preparing for retirement.
At 55 you should have a child at university or getting ready to start his own family instead of struggling with tuition.†Kafeero adds that after 40 in Africa, your energies and health cannot allow you to be an effective parent.
“Don’t you see how grandparents spoil kids instead of being tough on discipline? As you grow, you naturally develop grandparent instincts of pampering, which spoils kids.â€
The pastor also knows a child who found it hard to introduce an old man as his father to his fellow students.
Counsellor’s view
Steven Langa, a counsellor with Family Life Network in Kampala, says there is no right or wrong age, but the earlier you marry, the better. “You need to mature physically and emotionally,†Langa says. “Women should marry earlier since they mature much faster than men.â€
On the social aspect, Langa advises that spending many years living alone makes it hard for anyone to start adjusting to partners. “Your patience easily wears out yet marriage is about sharing and accommodating each other,†Langa says.