Reasons why you should not hurry into marriage
Early marriages are very common in Uganda, with girls married off as early as 15 years of age.<br>There are three main issues associated with early marriages:
BY DIANA NAMBATYA
Early marriages are very common in Uganda, with girls married off as early as 15 years of age.
There are three main issues associated with early marriages:
The physiological factor.
There may be an adverse impact on young people whose reproductive organs have formed but not yet grown strong enough to support a pregnancy. This could result in spontaneous abortion (miscarriage), which involve both physical and mental trauma, sometimes for life.
The mental factor.
During the transitional period, an adolescent reviews the values of his or her life because the door to childhood had closed and a steep staircase still needs to be climbed in order to reach the threshold of adulthood. When they get married, teenagers cross this boundary, thinking that they are becoming adults. Marriage seems romantic to them. Neither the teenage girl nor boy feels any responsibility for the step they have taken.
The social factor
A material base is an essential ingredient in establishing a happy marriage. Problems connected with material support, social attitudes and physiological failings are some of the difficulties which young people in early marriages must contend with. So what is the best age to marry?
At some point in their life everyone asks themselves whether they are ready for marriage, whether they are ready to rear a new person with a new personality.
From the physiological point of view it is better for young men and women to start a family when they are mature and their bodies have grown sufficiently strong and they can produce healthy and wholesome offspring.
Boys whose desire is based on the motive of sexual satisfaction, will inevitably face disappointment. The novelty of the relationship will pass, their fleeting feelings will be satisfied and no real feelings will remain. Girls should know that heady feelings of happiness and rapture quickly disappear to be replaced by the tormenting thought that husband and wife may not really love one another, that they have mistaken mere attraction and transitory infatuation for real love. The answers to these questions emerge later, when the couple has come down from the clouds and seen each other in an ordinary light. Then if the spouses really love each other, they develop mutual respect and the marriage endures. But if it is simply momentary attraction, nothing will ensue except the pain of realising their mistakes. Their dreams will crumble.
to dust and be blown away by the wind. How can this be prevented? After all, teenagers who marry early unfortunately do not possess sufficient experience of life and cannot always cope with their situation. The solution to the problem is to find an alternative to early marriage.
The alternative is a different way of tackling the contentious issue of early marriages. History demonstrates that the imposition of extremely strict taboos on sexual relations yields no effective results.
On the contrary, various benighted interpretations of the sex act emerge which have a pernicious effect on young people. Heavy handedness, “brainwashing†and moralizing will not stop the young from engaging in sexual activity.
I think that relationships between young men and women based on friendship are a possible alternative to addressing this problem.
First this sort of relationship helps them get to know each other better and learn to be more patient about their partners’ shortcomings.
Second, friendship and sexual relations are certainly not mutually exclusive and if young people are engaging in sexual activity, they do not worry themselves thinking about the material side of the relationship.
Third in a lasting friendship that encourages the development of mutual understanding and an anxious concern for one another, partners can choose to abstain until marriage in order to avoid undesirable consequences.
Fourth, friendship does not entail cutting short one’s studies and creates excellent conditions (for those who are distracted) to get an education and make something of oneself at work;
Friendship also creates conditions for developing equal relations between sexes and rules out potential for suppressing the individual, hurting feelings and causing inadequacy.
The five basic and clearly defined “plus points†are worthy alternatives to early marriages. So let’s hear it for friendship between young men and women, for a type of friendship based on mutual understanding.
The most important thing which a teenager must realize and say to himself or herself everyday is “I am worth too much to throw away what I have to offer.â€
By:
Diana Nambatya,
National Programme Officer,
Population Secretariat,
Ministry of Finance, Planning and Economic Development
Early marriages are very common in Uganda, with girls married off as early as 15 years of age.
There are three main issues associated with early marriages:
The physiological factor.
There may be an adverse impact on young people whose reproductive organs have formed but not yet grown strong enough to support a pregnancy. This could result in spontaneous abortion (miscarriage), which involve both physical and mental trauma, sometimes for life.
The mental factor.
During the transitional period, an adolescent reviews the values of his or her life because the door to childhood had closed and a steep staircase still needs to be climbed in order to reach the threshold of adulthood. When they get married, teenagers cross this boundary, thinking that they are becoming adults. Marriage seems romantic to them. Neither the teenage girl nor boy feels any responsibility for the step they have taken.
The social factor
A material base is an essential ingredient in establishing a happy marriage. Problems connected with material support, social attitudes and physiological failings are some of the difficulties which young people in early marriages must contend with. So what is the best age to marry?
At some point in their life everyone asks themselves whether they are ready for marriage, whether they are ready to rear a new person with a new personality.
From the physiological point of view it is better for young men and women to start a family when they are mature and their bodies have grown sufficiently strong and they can produce healthy and wholesome offspring.
Boys whose desire is based on the motive of sexual satisfaction, will inevitably face disappointment. The novelty of the relationship will pass, their fleeting feelings will be satisfied and no real feelings will remain. Girls should know that heady feelings of happiness and rapture quickly disappear to be replaced by the tormenting thought that husband and wife may not really love one another, that they have mistaken mere attraction and transitory infatuation for real love. The answers to these questions emerge later, when the couple has come down from the clouds and seen each other in an ordinary light. Then if the spouses really love each other, they develop mutual respect and the marriage endures. But if it is simply momentary attraction, nothing will ensue except the pain of realising their mistakes. Their dreams will crumble.
to dust and be blown away by the wind. How can this be prevented? After all, teenagers who marry early unfortunately do not possess sufficient experience of life and cannot always cope with their situation. The solution to the problem is to find an alternative to early marriage.
The alternative is a different way of tackling the contentious issue of early marriages. History demonstrates that the imposition of extremely strict taboos on sexual relations yields no effective results.
On the contrary, various benighted interpretations of the sex act emerge which have a pernicious effect on young people. Heavy handedness, “brainwashing†and moralizing will not stop the young from engaging in sexual activity.
I think that relationships between young men and women based on friendship are a possible alternative to addressing this problem.
First this sort of relationship helps them get to know each other better and learn to be more patient about their partners’ shortcomings.
Second, friendship and sexual relations are certainly not mutually exclusive and if young people are engaging in sexual activity, they do not worry themselves thinking about the material side of the relationship.
Third in a lasting friendship that encourages the development of mutual understanding and an anxious concern for one another, partners can choose to abstain until marriage in order to avoid undesirable consequences.
Fourth, friendship does not entail cutting short one’s studies and creates excellent conditions (for those who are distracted) to get an education and make something of oneself at work;
Friendship also creates conditions for developing equal relations between sexes and rules out potential for suppressing the individual, hurting feelings and causing inadequacy.
The five basic and clearly defined “plus points†are worthy alternatives to early marriages. So let’s hear it for friendship between young men and women, for a type of friendship based on mutual understanding.
The most important thing which a teenager must realize and say to himself or herself everyday is “I am worth too much to throw away what I have to offer.â€
By:
Diana Nambatya,
National Programme Officer,
Population Secretariat,
Ministry of Finance, Planning and Economic Development