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Trends: Tables turn: Men fleecing women

By Vision Reporter

Added 24th June 2010 03:00 AM

THE thought of a young woman dating or getting married to an older man for money is a no-brainer. But never has it been normal for a man to date or marry a woman, specifically for her money. However, the latter is a growing trend in Kampala and the perpetuators are not batting an eyelid.

THE thought of a young woman dating or getting married to an older man for money is a no-brainer. But never has it been normal for a man to date or marry a woman, specifically for her money. However, the latter is a growing trend in Kampala and the perpetuators are not batting an eyelid.

By Gilbert Kidimu

THE thought of a young woman dating or getting married to an older man for money is a no-brainer. But never has it been normal for a man to date or marry a woman, specifically for her money. However, the latter is a growing trend in Kampala and the perpetuators are not batting an eyelid.

The movies usually portray such guys as fashionable, handsome guys who could charm a nun. They are witty and funny during day and fabulous in the dim night lights.

Some people, however, prefer to call them calculating conmen who play on the emotions of lonely women in need of companionship, affection and sex.

Sera Nankunda, an accountant, says such men have the right wardrobe, wear the right cologne, know the best hangout places in town; yet cannot afford any.

“They will whisper every sweet word you want to hear, lead you to your car and open the door for you,” she says “In most cases, he gets away with it because he is so smart and good looking that you would not trace a flow in him.”

Sam Magezi on the contrary justifies the trend, arguing that some girls insist on the relationship even when the man is not into her.

“She tries all she can to make you date her; in that situation it feels okay to get money from her.”

Some people, nevertheless, argue that this being a free world in the 21 Century; the trend is acceptable.
“So many notions have changed and you can never say, never,” argues Toniks, a musician.

“If we are used to girls hooking up with older men for money; then if some dude decides to hook up a woman for the same thing, why judge him?” he asks.
Vicky Namata, a sales representative, would not allow a man to rip her off easily.

“This guy had a car when we had just met but after sometime and learning that I had money; he started giving excuses like he had forgotten his ATM card, so I could give him money.

One time he said he was servicing a loan and so could not pay his rent. I realised the scam and immediately told him to go to hell,” she says
But why do they do what, originally, fellow men despised, and what kind of people are they?

“Life in Kampala isn’t simple and once one is used to a certain kind of high lifestyle, they will pull all the stops to maintain the status quo, for instance by getting involved with older, rich women.

In that case, they won’t have the financial obligation of paying for her salon expenses and footing the restaurant bills,” says Tom Twesigye, the managing director of Cleanmax Ltd.

Bahat Kizito, an IT specialist, says such guys are materialistic and want a simple, luxurious life. “For such people, working sucks. Some of them are school dropouts and that means they cannot get a “dream” job yet want a good life.” he argues.

Gigi Mulira, the country manager of Tell-Em, a public relations firm, says for a man to be financially dependent on a woman, something must have gone wrong during his upbringing.

“If your father took care of the family, you obviously learn from that and would not let a woman look after you,” she says.

Experts’ view
Catherine Mwine, a sociologist and lecturer at the Uganda Christian University, says this trend is just part of the change in society.

“It is within humanity’s psychological profile, since there is an interjection of equal opportunity for both genders — a woman is equally educated, empowered with social capital, sometimes to the extent of earning far more than he does,” she says.

“Essentially when a man has more money, he finances his woman. Likewise, a woman who earns more than her man ought to finance him to create a balance,” Mwine says.

She says in case a woman significantly earns more and does not finance her man, it would create problems in a relationship.

“Men are just being human, and in my opinion, that isn’t 'detoothing'.”
Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist at the Uganda Christian University, says some ‘detoothers’ (men who rip off women) get into a relationship with the intention of profiting.

“They genuinely love and care for the girls though their economic status is lower than the woman’s,” he says.
As they continually ask the girls for help, they lose out on the principles of why they were in the relationship in the first place and then they set out to extract money from the girls.

Musaalo says in such relationships, girls often hesitate to ask for money from their boyfriends, for fear of being insulted.

He advises women to be cautious of such men. Out of desperation, many women are forced to go into relationships for fear of being single all their lives.

Little do they know that some of these ‘detoothers’ have other girls who they genuinely love.

So the relationship all becomes a cycle — he steals from one girl to give another.

Trends: Tables turn: Men fleecing women

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