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Your houseboy would be shocked if you said No

By Vision Reporter

Added 25th June 2010 03:00 AM

THERE was a time when AIDS had taken over the villages and everyday, we would bury someone while waiting for around five other people to die. In my village, elders sat and agreed that the culturally mandatory mourning days (during which no gardening was supposed to be done on the village) be abolish

THERE was a time when AIDS had taken over the villages and everyday, we would bury someone while waiting for around five other people to die. In my village, elders sat and agreed that the culturally mandatory mourning days (during which no gardening was supposed to be done on the village) be abolish

THERE was a time when AIDS had taken over the villages and everyday, we would bury someone while waiting for around five other people to die. In my village, elders sat and agreed that the culturally mandatory mourning days (during which no gardening was supposed to be done on the village) be abolished. Otherwise we would have scored an own goal in famine.

Now, before people in Rubindi get angry with me for relaying their death story so early in this article, let me stress that people there no longer die. They live on and on till they resettle in other villages and die. The only frequent death we now hear about is in South Africa, where we are burying African teams daily in the 2010 World Cup.

And, of course, we are disappointed because the World Cup is taking place on African soil for the first time in the life of this universe. But instead of playing the gallant all-conquering host, we are getting offloaded by bafuruki teams and this is as annoying as it was to the Banyoro. But not more annoying than the way we are getting surprised as if we were supposed to take the World Cup.

The process of elimination is very much similar to relationships. You lose a match, draw another and clearly start smelling the axe. But somehow, some hope in you refuses to die. You start taking the last kicks of the dying horse as hopes or salvation, restoration and resurrection. And when you are finally bundled out, you cry as if it has just suddenly occurred to you.

Very much like relationships. Your guy may stop calling you, start dodging you on weekends and even change the locks on his door. That will be clear to all others that he has changed. But your heart will not accept that he can change. I once interacted with a woman whose husband had not come home for over six months. He was living in town and didn’t want her to come over from the village. She kept asking; if he no longer wants me, why doesn’t he tell me so?

When your girl starts switching off her phone, picking small issues to build an explosive argument and forgetting your birthday, it is often a clear signal that your World Cup journey is over. But you still refuse to read the notice, maybe because she still talks to you.

And even if you actually get the red card in both cases, you will be surprised as if you never saw it coming.

Soccer legendary John Barnes explained it better on Super Sport: Africa should not be disappointed because the teams we have are not well placed in the hierarchy of football. He referred to FIFA rankings to argue that we are expecting too much. The highest ranked African team, Egypt (12) was knocked out before it started. The second, Cameroon (19) dropped out first. Nigeria (21), Ivory Coast (27), Algeria (30) and South Africa (83), occupy ranks nobody would associate himself with on a bragging spree. Ghana, which is 32nd, is the only standing hero and we still expect it to take the cup!

That is why a guy you don’t think is worthy enough to undo your shoe-laces will ask you for sex if the two of you found yourselves in a private place. And if you expressed surprise, he would say you are a proud woman. He would be surprised.

Love, like soccer, has levels but fans do not want to acknowledge them. All we want is victory, whatever the resources. Wish you success.

Your houseboy would be shocked if you said No

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