Reclaim your power from the house maid
Jun 29, 2010
<b>By Angela Ndagano and Joyce Nyakato</b><br>THE weekend is the only time Peninah Asiimwe has with her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She places her little girl on her lap and tries to feed her. She begins to cry and struggles to leave her mother. Her mother gives in and lets her go.
By Angela Ndagano and Joyce Nyakato
THE weekend is the only time Peninah Asiimwe has with her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She places her little girl on her lap and tries to feed her. She begins to cry and struggles to leave her mother. Her mother gives in and lets her go.
With a big smile on her face, she saunters to the kitchen looking for the maid. All the young mother can hear are sounds of her baby’s laughter. She is puzzled, wondering what magic the house maid holds over her young one.
Many times we underestimate the power that the house maid holds over our children till we become ‘victims’ like Asiimwe. We look at the maid as the woman who cleans the house or takes care of the children, often overlooking the fact that our lives and our children’s lives actually depend on her.
Recent media reports have portrayed the role played by house maids in kidnapping children. The most recent being the kidnap and murder of one-and-a-half-year old Kham Kakama. This gruesome event has left many working parents at crossroads.
Well, you might think: I can buy the most expensive toys for my children and I am the one in charge of buying the food in the house. Unfortunately, that will still not grant you all the power because she has the one thing you do not — time.
According to Gaston Byamugisha, a counselling psychologist, the maid is more than a care giver to a child. Since they spend a lot more time with your child, they are likely to assume a parenting role, depending on the quality of relationship between them and the children.
She is the one your child runs to when they fall and if they are the ones who have been with your children ever since they were born, the bond is much stronger. It is surely comforting for a mother to know that her child is well taken care of while she is at work. However, with the continued spate of child related felonies mostly spurred by maids, mothers are left wondering what to do.
“It all depends on the character of the maid and to some extent, the relationship with their bosses,†says Byamugisha, explaining that some maids can use their power over the children to get back at their bosses.
“For some, her relationship with the children may work against you, in case you two fall out with each other,†he says. To most of us, the maid is invisible, yet we unknowingly let her in on our innermost secrets. Some maids have access to our bedrooms.
She may be illiterate, but there are so many literate people willing to use her to get access to your secrets.Betty Nakisenye, a mother of three, recalls the time her niece used the maid to get access to her ATM pin code. “I was sick and needed some money, I told my niece to help me call my best friend so that I would send her for my money, and I couldn’t give my niece my pin code because I didn’t trust her,†she explains.
Unfortunately for Betty, she read the pin code in the presence of the maid. Two months later, she realised her money was missing. The house maid is one of the people your child confides in. Whatever conversations you have with your child, are likely to go back to the maid.
The power of the house maid goes deeper if she is the one who prepares the meals. “It is her role to decide whether the meal will be healthy or not. Clearly, if a house maid decides to put poison in the food, you cannot do anything about it,†explains Ann Kalema, a house wife.â€
Why a child believes the maid more than the mother
According to Rose Mary Bwire, a counselling psychologist, the biggest reason is because of unavailability.
“There are cases where parents are never at home and the children are stuck with the maid who they quickly substitute for a mother for immediate satisfaction,†she says.
Even for the few parents that may be available, they let the maid do everything as they unwind watching TV, or their bedrooms.
“When the child falls and comes crying to you, your immediate response is to call the maid to check on the child.â€
Because of fear of her boss and the quickness to follow her orders, she will seem like the one who ‘loves’ the child more than the parent.
Bwire adds that bad examples from parents put their children at the mercy of the maid. When parents are drunkards, always fighting and barking or beating the children, the maid will often come in to save the day.
Taking the power back
The best thing for parents, especially mothers, is to become actively involved in their children’s lives despite the presence of the maid. “Duties like feeding the children should be solely a mother’s responsibility if she is around, to allow for bonding,†Bwire says.
Children always ask questions. Though they might seem ridiculous, they genuinely want responses and if the parents always rubbish their questions, children run to the available maid to seek answers.
According to Bwire, even the busiest of parents should develop an interest in their children and their environment.
“When children come crying because of a hurting finger, it is important to have a look at it instead of referring them to the maid for comfort.â€
Bwire concludes: “Though working women can’t do without maids, they should strive to play an active role in the children’s lives to minimise the damage caused by children preferring the maids.â€
THE weekend is the only time Peninah Asiimwe has with her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She places her little girl on her lap and tries to feed her. She begins to cry and struggles to leave her mother. Her mother gives in and lets her go.
With a big smile on her face, she saunters to the kitchen looking for the maid. All the young mother can hear are sounds of her baby’s laughter. She is puzzled, wondering what magic the house maid holds over her young one.
Many times we underestimate the power that the house maid holds over our children till we become ‘victims’ like Asiimwe. We look at the maid as the woman who cleans the house or takes care of the children, often overlooking the fact that our lives and our children’s lives actually depend on her.
Recent media reports have portrayed the role played by house maids in kidnapping children. The most recent being the kidnap and murder of one-and-a-half-year old Kham Kakama. This gruesome event has left many working parents at crossroads.
Well, you might think: I can buy the most expensive toys for my children and I am the one in charge of buying the food in the house. Unfortunately, that will still not grant you all the power because she has the one thing you do not — time.
According to Gaston Byamugisha, a counselling psychologist, the maid is more than a care giver to a child. Since they spend a lot more time with your child, they are likely to assume a parenting role, depending on the quality of relationship between them and the children.
She is the one your child runs to when they fall and if they are the ones who have been with your children ever since they were born, the bond is much stronger. It is surely comforting for a mother to know that her child is well taken care of while she is at work. However, with the continued spate of child related felonies mostly spurred by maids, mothers are left wondering what to do.
“It all depends on the character of the maid and to some extent, the relationship with their bosses,†says Byamugisha, explaining that some maids can use their power over the children to get back at their bosses.
“For some, her relationship with the children may work against you, in case you two fall out with each other,†he says. To most of us, the maid is invisible, yet we unknowingly let her in on our innermost secrets. Some maids have access to our bedrooms.
She may be illiterate, but there are so many literate people willing to use her to get access to your secrets.Betty Nakisenye, a mother of three, recalls the time her niece used the maid to get access to her ATM pin code. “I was sick and needed some money, I told my niece to help me call my best friend so that I would send her for my money, and I couldn’t give my niece my pin code because I didn’t trust her,†she explains.
Unfortunately for Betty, she read the pin code in the presence of the maid. Two months later, she realised her money was missing. The house maid is one of the people your child confides in. Whatever conversations you have with your child, are likely to go back to the maid.
The power of the house maid goes deeper if she is the one who prepares the meals. “It is her role to decide whether the meal will be healthy or not. Clearly, if a house maid decides to put poison in the food, you cannot do anything about it,†explains Ann Kalema, a house wife.â€
Why a child believes the maid more than the mother
According to Rose Mary Bwire, a counselling psychologist, the biggest reason is because of unavailability.
“There are cases where parents are never at home and the children are stuck with the maid who they quickly substitute for a mother for immediate satisfaction,†she says.
Even for the few parents that may be available, they let the maid do everything as they unwind watching TV, or their bedrooms.
“When the child falls and comes crying to you, your immediate response is to call the maid to check on the child.â€
Because of fear of her boss and the quickness to follow her orders, she will seem like the one who ‘loves’ the child more than the parent.
Bwire adds that bad examples from parents put their children at the mercy of the maid. When parents are drunkards, always fighting and barking or beating the children, the maid will often come in to save the day.
Taking the power back
The best thing for parents, especially mothers, is to become actively involved in their children’s lives despite the presence of the maid. “Duties like feeding the children should be solely a mother’s responsibility if she is around, to allow for bonding,†Bwire says.
Children always ask questions. Though they might seem ridiculous, they genuinely want responses and if the parents always rubbish their questions, children run to the available maid to seek answers.
According to Bwire, even the busiest of parents should develop an interest in their children and their environment.
“When children come crying because of a hurting finger, it is important to have a look at it instead of referring them to the maid for comfort.â€
Bwire concludes: “Though working women can’t do without maids, they should strive to play an active role in the children’s lives to minimise the damage caused by children preferring the maids.â€