When your girlfriend beats you to the marriage proposal

Sep 17, 2010

THE moment you set your set your eyes on her, you knew she was the one. At first you were probably too smitten and too shocked to say a word.

By Michael Kanaabi

THE moment you set your set your eyes on her, you knew she was the one. At first you were probably too smitten and too shocked to say a word.

But you later composed yourself and said something, while your heart thumped so hard you thought it would burst out of your chest.

Good thing is she also had her eye on you and since then things have been good between the two of you.

You have grown really close as the years have gone by but your relationship is not moving to the next level.

However, madam thinks time is running out. She tries to inform you of her frustration and throws tantrums along the way but you refuse to get the point.

The Proposal
So one good Friday evening, she calls you up and tells you she has a surprise for you. A date at one of the top restaurants around Kampala. You’re wondering why but you water it down, thinking she wants to apologise for the really big fight you had the other day.

At the restaurant, she pulls the chair for you and pours some wine into your glass and you start to sense that something is not quite ‘right’.

The shock of your life comes when after all the formalities and trivial issues have been talked about and put away, she looks into your eyes and sweetly asks you to marry her!

‘What!’ you scream in your head.
Definitely you are taken aback by the whole thing and you freak out.
Ronald Kaggwa, who had a similar experience says: “For a moment I froze in my seat and had no words to say to my gorgeous girlfriend of five years.

I was transfixed for a couple of minutes as my mind tried to ‘digest’ this thing and to come to terms with the fact that it was not a dream.”
Jeremy, on the other hand, excused himself to go and compose himself in the bathroom.

“It was like the last thing I expected from my girlfriend as our relationship had reached an all time low and I was thinking the whole date was about what we can do to refresh it. But I was dumbstruck when she very bravely and confidently proposed to me. It just didn’t add up,” he says.

As I washed my face, I looked at myself in the mirror, thinking about what I was going to tell her.

The reactions
I just felt like the man in me had been overthrown after my girlfriend had done this, Kaggwa said.

“I decided that since she had become the man in the relationship, I would play the cat and mouse games women play,” he said. “I told her I needed time to think about it, although it was the way to go.”

Jeremy, on the other hand, was insulted. “I felt cheated because I was planning to do the same in the coming months. I had to remind her it was my duty, culturally, to propose.”

Why that reaction?
Incase the man is delaying to propose marriage and the two have been in the relationship for some time, the woman can take the initiative and propose after all the two are virtually married but she needs to ensure things become official, says Sheena Okoth, who married recently.

On the other hand, the lady could just be really excited about her man and their relationship so she wants to ensure things become official real fast before any other lady comes into the picture, Okoth added.

Kaggwa believes sometimes the
woman wants to know whether you really love her and are serious about her. “It will show you are serious about your relationship if along the way you say yes. if you continue dodging the question she will know you are wasting her time and probably move on.”

How to go about it
Joshua Sekiziyivu, the leader of the marrieds’ fellowship at Kasubi Church of God and a marriage counsellor, says: “It’s better to think about it and give her a genuine answer. women are very sensitive and will take whatever you say seriously so don’t joke about it.”

He adds that you should only accept if you mean it and avoid accepting for the moment then later breaking her heart, as some “uncouth and selfish men” would do.

He concludes that however uncomfortable you are with it, do not treat her badly, because you wouldn’t want to be treated that way.

A bad or rude reaction could also ruin your chances along the way if you reconsidered and decided she is the one you want to marry.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});