You need the support

Oct 01, 2010

Lucy (not real name), a 32-year-old single mother, discovered that she has HIV. She shares with us her emotional experiences

Lucy (not real name), a 32-year-old single mother, discovered that she has HIV. She shares with us her emotional experiences

What is my point with the whole long tale about love?
It’s heartfelt, if simple: To let people know how much they are appreciated. For all they have been, for all they are, for all they are yet to be...

Knowing what I know now, seeing the things that I have seen, I cannot underestimate the importance of a support system when you have HIV/AIDS. It is not about those times when you are too ill to stand and need someone to help you crawl to the bathroom. It is about when you are down and feeling sorry for yourself and beating yourself up – and in the beginning, that happens almost all the time.

Sometimes, HIV seems like a death sentence. I have read that it is just chronic, not terminal... You have to really convince me on that one. It is as much a mental illness as it is physical. If the mind cannot take it, it is terminal.

How come people contemplate or commit suicide? That is why when a man finds out that his wife has HIV, and without doing the test himself, hacks her to death or hangs himself.

Yes, there are ARVs and yes, if you are lucky, you can get them free. Yes, it is commonplace enough to have HIV, but again, let’s face it: It is still a big deal and having a support system means everything.

There’s so much judgement, so much stigma. You are blaming yourself or finding people to blame and someone else is saying how sorry they are to your face and then saying behind your back how you probably had it coming... Oh, I know that now. Shock was when an old friend told me he had been sitting somewhere and this group of people started, in not so kind words, on the subject of Lucy, living with HIV/AIDS and how she probably had it coming...

Later, I wondered why I was shocked at all. Such is the world; people talk – whether you give them reason to, or you do not... And anyway, I had disclosed. (The whole disclosure thing is a delicate one, but I need lots of space for that.)

To each, his own. I cannot tell people what to make or not to make of a situation, informed or not. Ultimately, it is not their unkind words that kill you, but how you react to them. And how you react to them has everything to do with who is by your side. Who is giving you a reason to wake up, who you do not want to disappoint, who loves you, in spite of the horrible feelings you have about yourself.

One of my most amazing stories is my treatment buddy, more of a sister than friend from my early teens. She calls to make sure I take my medicine on time, eat well, try not to worry, have some money when the going is tough... We’re now at the point where we can joke about it: If she should arrive at the clinic before me (she practically comes along for every visit), she calls to remind me who the ill one is and who needs to be keeping time. It is amazing how she has built part of her life around mine and is jovial about it....

Everybody needs someone like that. The medics will tell you support makes all the difference and even helps the ARVs to work better. I am not given to clichés, but we all need someone to help us realise that you see the stars brightest when it is darkest.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});