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Essence: How do you win him back?

By Vision Reporter

Added 29th October 2010 03:00 AM

JANE and Peter Kirungi had been married for four years with a two-year-old daughter. Most people admired the couple.

JANE and Peter Kirungi had been married for four years with a two-year-old daughter. Most people admired the couple.

By Agnes Kyotalengerire

JANE and Peter Kirungi had been married for four years with a two-year-old daughter. Most people admired the couple.

Although they were not wealthy, they were financially stable. Jane worked for a reputable firm around in Kampala, while Peter managed a micro finance institution.

Three years into their marriage, Peter was given a transferred upcountry. To keep the family union, Peter came to Kampala after every three weeks.

But during his absence, Jane fell in love with another man. According to Jane, her extra-marital relationship was exciting and it seemed to have rekindled her love life.

During working days when they least expected Peter, Jane and her new catch would hang out until late in the night.

However, on a fateful Thursday night, the two lovebirds decided to go out for a drink but went on till the wee hours of the night. It was too late for Jane’s lover to go home so they ended up at Jane’s home.

Unfortunately, luck was not on their side. Minutes into the bed, they heard a knock on the window. It was Peter’s voice beckoning his wife to open for him. He had caught his wife, red-handed in the arms of another man.

Joseph Musaalo a counseling psychologist notes that when a woman is caught cheating, it is a tricky situation. “It is a sign of disloyalty. You have not only wounded his heart but also damaged his pride,” Musaalo affirms. “Such a man is bound to either beat his wife or chase her away.”

Jane Mirembe another counselling psychologist notes that most men have difficulty moving forward after their wife has been caught with another man. “There is something about the idea of sharing a woman that just does not appeal to most men,” explains Mirembe.

In addition, men tend to be a little less forgiving than women in the same situation. Getting your husband back after he has caught you cheating on him may take you effort. Nevertheless, Mirembe advises giving it a try and it is worth it if you want to save your marriage.

According to Musaalo, the first step is to acknowledge guilt and accept responsibility. Ask for forgiveness and request to start over.

He discourages being on the defensive because it may not work out, especially when the tempers are still high. Instead, he recommends doing your best to mend the relationship.

“This can best be done through walking your talk and showing that you mean what you say. Remember he will be watching you to see whether you mean what you said,” Musaalo cautions.

“If you notice that your endeavors to get your husband listen and forgive you are futile, try convincing him and together you can seek counselling from a trained counselor to help you look into your weaknesses,” advises Musaalo.

Essence: How do you win him back?

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