A love lesson from the national park
Nov 24, 2010
THOSE who did not see me over the weekend, I was at Paraa Lodge in Murchison Falls, having spiritual time with animals and wondering what went wrong with human beings.
By Hilary Bainemigisha
THOSE who did not see me over the weekend, I was at Paraa Lodge in Murchison Falls, having spiritual time with animals and wondering what went wrong with human beings.
I had a very special holiday, having taken a break from my hectic everyday life to spend quality time with animals, rediscovering all the reasons why we are actually dying of HIV.
Animals in Murchison Falls National Park wake up to eat, rest, drink and, if the mood is right, have sex. When the sun goes down, as it often does, they go to sleep; finished. No potholes, no campaigns, no airtime, no money worries, no HIV worries, no probes and no fuel crisis, which is just about 30% of the worries that dog mankind everyday of their lives.
Of course life is not that dull all the time. Animals often get a rare chance of being visited by Dr Love whereupon they gather to gaze at a vehicle, thinking in unison: “There goes Dr Love; aren’t we lucky?â€
Male animals also have their specific fun. The Jackson’s Hartebeests gather at a clear ground they call Namboole to fight amongst themselves, their version of presidential elections. Females gather to watch them and reward the winners with very good sex. It is something we humans should take on. I have a feeling that after all the trouble candidates get through to win an election (Museveni rapping, Mao dancing with hoes, Kamya removing clothes to be painted the Karimojong way, Otunnu singing Ekitibwa Kya Buganda etc), swearing in is such a small, heartless, and unfair reward. No wonder they go ahead to mismanage the country because they do not know what the Jackson’s Hartebeests have known for centuries.
The graceful giraffes make good wives. According to our guide, giraffes rarely talk and are considered silent mammals. Like some of the MPs that I know, giraffes do, at times, vocalise to one another by an occasional moo, bleat or grunt in the plenary. But they never stand to express an opinion that Pulkol can capture in his score card. Giraffe husbands have the opportunity of watching the premiership without unnecessary interruptions with unnecessary questions: “Sweetheart, did I tell you about the big elephant dick?â€
The water buck has a unique way of avoiding sex when she is too busy planning for her evening classes. She secretes oil that smells badly putting off males that may want to distract her from her abstinence vow. It is a tip to manufacturers to get such an oil to put off men. I would buy it in cartons for my daughters.
Then the Abyssinian horn bills and the small goat-like animal called Oribi. These are the only monogamous creatures in Uganda. They pair once and mate for life. If the partner dies, they live alone as widows or widowers. Although they refused to talk to the press about their resilience, scientists know they have a monogamous gene which they plan to harvest and inject in the likes of farm managers like Abdu Mulaasi.
Birds? I did not see many. It was a communication problem. Our guide asked us: Are there any bad lovers? We all remembered our last episode of loving and how we were described as the greatest and replied that there was no bad lover amongst us. The guide understood that none of us loved birds.
The last animal I want to quote is a human being; the beautiful Aisha. She is a journalist who appreciates good things the moment she sees them.
Before the world’s very eyes, she confessed that the visit to Murchison Park gave her an orgasm she has never had in all her human years! That is another attraction lovers should go over to get.
Animals have many secrets of love that we have ignored for long. The good news is that Christmas is coming.
But if it is too close, don’t worry. Plan, save money and invest in a memorial tour of Uganda’s beauty. Remember, memories are love’s best vaccine against disease. Love littered with memories stays strong for ever, ask Aisha.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug
THOSE who did not see me over the weekend, I was at Paraa Lodge in Murchison Falls, having spiritual time with animals and wondering what went wrong with human beings.
I had a very special holiday, having taken a break from my hectic everyday life to spend quality time with animals, rediscovering all the reasons why we are actually dying of HIV.
Animals in Murchison Falls National Park wake up to eat, rest, drink and, if the mood is right, have sex. When the sun goes down, as it often does, they go to sleep; finished. No potholes, no campaigns, no airtime, no money worries, no HIV worries, no probes and no fuel crisis, which is just about 30% of the worries that dog mankind everyday of their lives.
Of course life is not that dull all the time. Animals often get a rare chance of being visited by Dr Love whereupon they gather to gaze at a vehicle, thinking in unison: “There goes Dr Love; aren’t we lucky?â€
Male animals also have their specific fun. The Jackson’s Hartebeests gather at a clear ground they call Namboole to fight amongst themselves, their version of presidential elections. Females gather to watch them and reward the winners with very good sex. It is something we humans should take on. I have a feeling that after all the trouble candidates get through to win an election (Museveni rapping, Mao dancing with hoes, Kamya removing clothes to be painted the Karimojong way, Otunnu singing Ekitibwa Kya Buganda etc), swearing in is such a small, heartless, and unfair reward. No wonder they go ahead to mismanage the country because they do not know what the Jackson’s Hartebeests have known for centuries.
The graceful giraffes make good wives. According to our guide, giraffes rarely talk and are considered silent mammals. Like some of the MPs that I know, giraffes do, at times, vocalise to one another by an occasional moo, bleat or grunt in the plenary. But they never stand to express an opinion that Pulkol can capture in his score card. Giraffe husbands have the opportunity of watching the premiership without unnecessary interruptions with unnecessary questions: “Sweetheart, did I tell you about the big elephant dick?â€
The water buck has a unique way of avoiding sex when she is too busy planning for her evening classes. She secretes oil that smells badly putting off males that may want to distract her from her abstinence vow. It is a tip to manufacturers to get such an oil to put off men. I would buy it in cartons for my daughters.
Then the Abyssinian horn bills and the small goat-like animal called Oribi. These are the only monogamous creatures in Uganda. They pair once and mate for life. If the partner dies, they live alone as widows or widowers. Although they refused to talk to the press about their resilience, scientists know they have a monogamous gene which they plan to harvest and inject in the likes of farm managers like Abdu Mulaasi.
Birds? I did not see many. It was a communication problem. Our guide asked us: Are there any bad lovers? We all remembered our last episode of loving and how we were described as the greatest and replied that there was no bad lover amongst us. The guide understood that none of us loved birds.
The last animal I want to quote is a human being; the beautiful Aisha. She is a journalist who appreciates good things the moment she sees them.
Before the world’s very eyes, she confessed that the visit to Murchison Park gave her an orgasm she has never had in all her human years! That is another attraction lovers should go over to get.
Animals have many secrets of love that we have ignored for long. The good news is that Christmas is coming.
But if it is too close, don’t worry. Plan, save money and invest in a memorial tour of Uganda’s beauty. Remember, memories are love’s best vaccine against disease. Love littered with memories stays strong for ever, ask Aisha.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug