Let her house be your castle

Nov 26, 2010

CALL it chauvinism if you like, but the notion that males are superior to females’ rules society. Take for instance the idea of moving in together. It is always the woman supposed to move in, right?

By Angela Ndagano

CALL it chauvinism if you like, but the notion that males are superior to females’ rules society. Take for instance the idea of moving in together. It is always the woman supposed to move in, right?

But times have changed. You could have been dating this girl for a while and you both know you are destined for marital bliss.

With time, you realise the only thing you need is to live together. But guess what? She is one step ahead of you and suggests you move in with her.

Her arguments are clear; you live in Bwaise opposite the building that collapsed due to heavy rainfall, and she lives in Ntinda.

She has a spacious apartment, while the boundary between your bedroom and sitting room is marked by a curtain. Your arguments that a real man is not supposed to move into a woman’s apartment fall on deaf ears.

THE EXCUSES
Most guys believe they would be judged as failures if they moved in with a woman.

“People will think you are loser. If my house is not nice, its better we look for another one than move into hers,” says Peter Mwirimumbi.

But if you still make decisions according to the community’s perceptions, kindly purchase a time machine because we are no longer in the Stone Age.

You cannot claim to be all macho, and at the same time be under the influence of societal expectations.

“If he can’t move into your apartment because of what people think, in future he might refuse you to work because people think you are earning more than him,” says Mary, a nurse.

For other guys, the thought of the other men who might have lived in that house, may be a source of torment for them.

“If your girlfriend shared her place with a former love, you may feel like you’re moving into his home. But guys, let us be fair; you have had you share of girls in your apartment. So that is no excuse.

CONFLICTS AFTER YOU MOVE IN
I’m guessing the new wave of guys who love to fleece women think this is an article advocating their rights. It is not! The fact that you moved into her home does not make her home a shelter.

Rebecca thought she was being considerate by asking her boyfriend to move in. In return for her thoughtfulness, she got a serial “detoother,” with an appetite of a glutton.

“All he did was sleep on the couch and watch TV all day and when I got home, the fridge was always empty.”

Simply put, if you move in with her because you have no job, sweat and find one.

It goes past paying your fair share of bills. There will come a time when you will conflict over tiny issues just because you still feel the need to nurse your ego.

For example, a polite, ‘Please wash the dishes could turn into: “My moving in does not mean I’m your houseboy.”

But remember, before you moved in, she did things a certain way, so do not think she is setting up rules to control you. Seriously, keeping the toilet clean has nothing to do with your ego.

MY EXPERIENCE

Brian felt it was time to share a home with his girlfriend of two years. So nothing in his life had prepared him for the moment when she suggested he moves into her apartment.
“When I thought of the jokes the guys would make after I moved in with her, the situation became a nightmare.”
And then he was given an ultimatum: It was either her place or nothing at all.
“The guys had their laugh, but I’m glad I avoided the hustle of looking for a place or dragging her to the house I was sharing with my friend.”

HOW TO COPE
-Always remember, before you moved in, she had her rules.
-Keep the toilet clean and make it a habit to always flush it after use.
-You are expected to help with household chores, and clean up after yourself.
-You will have to share the financial responsibilities.
-When you move into her house, bachelor habits like bathing once a week should be dropped.
-You have to realize immediately that she requires an exclusive relationship.
-Respect the relationship she has with her family and friends.
-If you move in with her because you have no job, find one.
-Moving in with her does not make you married.
-Treat her like a housemate not a house maid.

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