Do you know your teenager’s love story?
Dec 07, 2010
RUKIA Namubiru, a 17-year-old student of Ntambi Memorial Secondary School in Mpigi district, recently hanged herself after her boyfriend dumped her. The Senior Two student reportedly got depressed and mentally derailed after the breakup.
By Agnes Kyotalengerire
RUKIA Namubiru, a 17-year-old student of Ntambi Memorial Secondary School in Mpigi district, recently hanged herself after her boyfriend dumped her. The Senior Two student reportedly got depressed and mentally derailed after the breakup.
Problems arising out of teenage relationships in schools are on the increase. The need to be seen going out with someone so as to fit in a group is common in high school.
“I cannot accept to be chucked, never. How can he leave me, and yet, he has wasted my time. Everyone in school knows about me and him,†Rukia reportedly said during the days that preceded her death.
Because of the depression, Namubiru became mentally ill and this led to her committing suicide.
Psychologists say Namubiru’s incident is just the tip of the iceberg of what many students silently endure. However, most of these relationships leave the students frustrated which affects their academic performance or, in extreme cases, result in fatal incidents like Namubiru’s.
Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist, says when the power of love strikes teenagers, it opens up an entire new world of emotions. Discovering this intense feeling makes them over confident and no matter what a parent says or does, all that matters is what they feel.
Though it is disappointing for parents to discover that their children are engaging in love relationships, Musaalo notes that parents require a lot of patience, understanding and kindness.
Namubiru’s auntie tried to counsel her, even took her to hospital for treatment, something many parents fail to do.
According to Annette Kirabira, a counselling psychologist with Rahab Uganda, such a situation requires setting boundaries, providing information and guidance. She notes that often, peers mislead each other by giving out wrong information. Although the final decision lies in their hands, parents should discuss with the children and find out the child’s expectations of the relationship and probably hint on the possible negative consequences.
Musaalo says that when teenagers begin to enter into relationships with romance in mind, it is important that a parent teaches them about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. “Talk openly about sex and how that relates to their maturity and emotional well-being.â€
He adds that the parent and child should sit down together and discuss what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour for them and come to some agreement on what will be acceptable for them.
In addition, Musaalo suggests equipping them with life skills to enable them attain self awareness skills, assertiveness or skills to help them communicate effectively and make effective decisions while leaving a productive life.
He recommends that such skills can be passed on to the children through messages, skits, music, dance and drama, self awareness stimulating activities, counselling and guidance.
However, in the face of rejection and disappointment, Musaalo affirms that the parent should provide a fall back position; a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. He explains that this can best be achieved through parents creating a conducive atmosphere to enable the affected children open up and be their best friends.
“Guide them without lectures and do not compare their love story to your past first love story because there is no connection and that times have changedâ€.
RUKIA Namubiru, a 17-year-old student of Ntambi Memorial Secondary School in Mpigi district, recently hanged herself after her boyfriend dumped her. The Senior Two student reportedly got depressed and mentally derailed after the breakup.
Problems arising out of teenage relationships in schools are on the increase. The need to be seen going out with someone so as to fit in a group is common in high school.
“I cannot accept to be chucked, never. How can he leave me, and yet, he has wasted my time. Everyone in school knows about me and him,†Rukia reportedly said during the days that preceded her death.
Because of the depression, Namubiru became mentally ill and this led to her committing suicide.
Psychologists say Namubiru’s incident is just the tip of the iceberg of what many students silently endure. However, most of these relationships leave the students frustrated which affects their academic performance or, in extreme cases, result in fatal incidents like Namubiru’s.
Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist, says when the power of love strikes teenagers, it opens up an entire new world of emotions. Discovering this intense feeling makes them over confident and no matter what a parent says or does, all that matters is what they feel.
Though it is disappointing for parents to discover that their children are engaging in love relationships, Musaalo notes that parents require a lot of patience, understanding and kindness.
Namubiru’s auntie tried to counsel her, even took her to hospital for treatment, something many parents fail to do.
According to Annette Kirabira, a counselling psychologist with Rahab Uganda, such a situation requires setting boundaries, providing information and guidance. She notes that often, peers mislead each other by giving out wrong information. Although the final decision lies in their hands, parents should discuss with the children and find out the child’s expectations of the relationship and probably hint on the possible negative consequences.
Musaalo says that when teenagers begin to enter into relationships with romance in mind, it is important that a parent teaches them about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. “Talk openly about sex and how that relates to their maturity and emotional well-being.â€
He adds that the parent and child should sit down together and discuss what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour for them and come to some agreement on what will be acceptable for them.
In addition, Musaalo suggests equipping them with life skills to enable them attain self awareness skills, assertiveness or skills to help them communicate effectively and make effective decisions while leaving a productive life.
He recommends that such skills can be passed on to the children through messages, skits, music, dance and drama, self awareness stimulating activities, counselling and guidance.
However, in the face of rejection and disappointment, Musaalo affirms that the parent should provide a fall back position; a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. He explains that this can best be achieved through parents creating a conducive atmosphere to enable the affected children open up and be their best friends.
“Guide them without lectures and do not compare their love story to your past first love story because there is no connection and that times have changedâ€.