Let’s protest Bell’s scarcity
Jul 18, 2003
Until about two weeks ago, life was so lovely for me. I would wake up every morning, wrap a towel around myself, reach for a bottle of Bell, pick my toothbrush, apply toothpaste and proceed to brush my teeth while rinsing my mouth with my favourite Bell Lager
SAGARA’S WACKY WORLD:
By Harry Sagara
Until about two weeks ago, life was so lovely for me. I would wake up every morning, wrap a towel around myself, reach for a bottle of Bell, pick my toothbrush, apply toothpaste and proceed to brush my teeth while rinsing my mouth with my favourite Bell Lager.
My marriage to Bell was made in heaven and I thought the honeymoon was still going on, kumbe, the guys at Uganda Breweries were developing nugu (a grudge) with me. They decided to put asunder what they (UBL) had put together.
In case you have not noticed, there is a looming national crisis in Uganda. It is just a matter of time and it will explode into something really serious. A number of people are walking around with heads so sober, it has culminated into intense boredom.
The other day, Minister Kibirige Sebunya was so bored that he had nothing useful to do other than sit back and recollect how his sperm can last 100 years!
Bar brawls have reduced in number. People are beginning to go home sober just because folks at Uganda Breweries, in their wisdom, decided to cut us short on the supply of the prestigious Bell Lager.
Since the Bell scarcity hit town, I have been one of the most bored people. Yesterday, I just completed the daunting task of counting 58 million pieces of sand!
Some people I know now spend the entire day sitting in a bar doing nothing but picking their noses! Mbu they will continue until our brewers, who art in Uganda Breweries, decide to do us a favour and begin the reproduction of Bell.
In Uganda so many things thrive on the existence of Bell Lager. With poverty holding us by the collar, one needs to bury their sorrows in this frothy liquor.
The income government gets from court fines following domestic violence and assault cases has dropped drastically — Thanks to the scarcity of Bell.
This beer is the reason some people manage to sustain a conversation in English. You just give them a few Bells and sit back to see how they extol on very abstract subjects like the economy of Azerbaijan, a country they know totally nothing about!
It is totally unfathomable for an establishment like UBL to deny us this kind of drama. Journalists need to see more Bell Lager Press conferences so that they go there to drink themselves silly under the guise of giving coverage.
The red Pepper needs a new lifeline since most of its victims normally do what they do while in drunken stupor.
Since beauty lies in the eyes of the beer-holder, I have noticed that the number of beautiful people in town has gone down ever since Bell Lager became scarce.
But come to think of it. Isn’t it beshaming how you see a bunch of young handsome and beautiful people milling around the city in beer-branded cars yet they cannot even produce a single bottle of Bell!
If this Bell scarcity goes on, I have vowed to go on a sit down strike. I will sit at a bar counter and just gaze at women’s bottoms.
I hear that there is an engineer who was sacked because he messed up with the beer lines and that is why there is a a scarcity. But that story, whether true or not, is not reason enough to deny a few million Ugandans a sip of their favourite drink.
Government banned the distilling of crude waragi (a local gin) some years ago but at this rate, I see a situation where we shall have no option but resort to that illicit drink, and then die like the Kenyans died of changaa (waragi’s equivalent in Kenya).
That said, I hereby seek police permission to carry out a peaceful demonstration around Kampala to lobby the boys at the Luzira-based brewery to own up and provide those frothy bottles. Peter Odeke’s explanation that the brewery is upgrading so that it provides a better quality beer is the biggest lie I have heard ever since Kazini’s tirade at the Porter commission.
To the folks at Uganda Breweries, we are tired of the ‘Bell hunger strike’ you have imposed on us. Meantime, I will ask Henry at Wagadugu to stock more Uganda Wa.
sagara10@yahoo.com
256 77 445367
By Harry Sagara
Until about two weeks ago, life was so lovely for me. I would wake up every morning, wrap a towel around myself, reach for a bottle of Bell, pick my toothbrush, apply toothpaste and proceed to brush my teeth while rinsing my mouth with my favourite Bell Lager.
My marriage to Bell was made in heaven and I thought the honeymoon was still going on, kumbe, the guys at Uganda Breweries were developing nugu (a grudge) with me. They decided to put asunder what they (UBL) had put together.
In case you have not noticed, there is a looming national crisis in Uganda. It is just a matter of time and it will explode into something really serious. A number of people are walking around with heads so sober, it has culminated into intense boredom.
The other day, Minister Kibirige Sebunya was so bored that he had nothing useful to do other than sit back and recollect how his sperm can last 100 years!
Bar brawls have reduced in number. People are beginning to go home sober just because folks at Uganda Breweries, in their wisdom, decided to cut us short on the supply of the prestigious Bell Lager.
Since the Bell scarcity hit town, I have been one of the most bored people. Yesterday, I just completed the daunting task of counting 58 million pieces of sand!
Some people I know now spend the entire day sitting in a bar doing nothing but picking their noses! Mbu they will continue until our brewers, who art in Uganda Breweries, decide to do us a favour and begin the reproduction of Bell.
In Uganda so many things thrive on the existence of Bell Lager. With poverty holding us by the collar, one needs to bury their sorrows in this frothy liquor.
The income government gets from court fines following domestic violence and assault cases has dropped drastically — Thanks to the scarcity of Bell.
This beer is the reason some people manage to sustain a conversation in English. You just give them a few Bells and sit back to see how they extol on very abstract subjects like the economy of Azerbaijan, a country they know totally nothing about!
It is totally unfathomable for an establishment like UBL to deny us this kind of drama. Journalists need to see more Bell Lager Press conferences so that they go there to drink themselves silly under the guise of giving coverage.
The red Pepper needs a new lifeline since most of its victims normally do what they do while in drunken stupor.
Since beauty lies in the eyes of the beer-holder, I have noticed that the number of beautiful people in town has gone down ever since Bell Lager became scarce.
But come to think of it. Isn’t it beshaming how you see a bunch of young handsome and beautiful people milling around the city in beer-branded cars yet they cannot even produce a single bottle of Bell!
If this Bell scarcity goes on, I have vowed to go on a sit down strike. I will sit at a bar counter and just gaze at women’s bottoms.
I hear that there is an engineer who was sacked because he messed up with the beer lines and that is why there is a a scarcity. But that story, whether true or not, is not reason enough to deny a few million Ugandans a sip of their favourite drink.
Government banned the distilling of crude waragi (a local gin) some years ago but at this rate, I see a situation where we shall have no option but resort to that illicit drink, and then die like the Kenyans died of changaa (waragi’s equivalent in Kenya).
That said, I hereby seek police permission to carry out a peaceful demonstration around Kampala to lobby the boys at the Luzira-based brewery to own up and provide those frothy bottles. Peter Odeke’s explanation that the brewery is upgrading so that it provides a better quality beer is the biggest lie I have heard ever since Kazini’s tirade at the Porter commission.
To the folks at Uganda Breweries, we are tired of the ‘Bell hunger strike’ you have imposed on us. Meantime, I will ask Henry at Wagadugu to stock more Uganda Wa.
sagara10@yahoo.com
256 77 445367