For better or worse
Jul 30, 2003
There was uproar when a 25 year old man married woman of 67, old enough to be his grandmother, in Kenya last week
By Chibita wa Duallo
There was uproar when a 25 year old man married woman of 67, old enough to be his grandmother, in Kenya last week. The controversy was so deep that the groom's mother, a decade younger than her prospective daughter-in-law, collapsed and died of shock, it can be assumed.
Feminists were quick to observe that old men routinely marry girls fit to be their grand-daughters and society does not seem perturbed, smirking of double standards. Our society it would seem, tolerates an older man marrying a younger girl than vice versa. Partly because children, one of the unspoken expectations in a marriage, is more probable with an older man than with an older woman.
Yet according to the law, children and age limit are not requirements for a couples to get married. As long as the parties intending to get married have attained the age of majority, not even their parents' or children's protestations will dissuade them.
Customary law, for all it is worth, seems to be very bent on couples being able to have children. So much so that, in some cultures, not having children is one of the grounds for the refund of bride price, polygamy or even separation. Should the law be changed, so that boys are not tempted to marry their grandmothers' age mates?
The problem with this is, that changing the law would be taking away the one thing an adult is entitled to; the right to make his or her own choices, however, stupid they may seem to be the rest of society.
The only thing society and indeed the law requires of every adult, is that after making their choices, they should be adult enough to face the consequences of these choices.
In the case of the young man, such consequences may include having no biological children, living with the knowledge that his mother died prematurely due to her opposition to his marriage to the woman he loves and living in the perpetual animosity of a community that disapprove of the marriage.
So, even though the couple may not have committed any offense or broken any law, their life may have to be lived as if they are criminals. Not too big a price to pay for love, I guess.
There was uproar when a 25 year old man married woman of 67, old enough to be his grandmother, in Kenya last week. The controversy was so deep that the groom's mother, a decade younger than her prospective daughter-in-law, collapsed and died of shock, it can be assumed.
Feminists were quick to observe that old men routinely marry girls fit to be their grand-daughters and society does not seem perturbed, smirking of double standards. Our society it would seem, tolerates an older man marrying a younger girl than vice versa. Partly because children, one of the unspoken expectations in a marriage, is more probable with an older man than with an older woman.
Yet according to the law, children and age limit are not requirements for a couples to get married. As long as the parties intending to get married have attained the age of majority, not even their parents' or children's protestations will dissuade them.
Customary law, for all it is worth, seems to be very bent on couples being able to have children. So much so that, in some cultures, not having children is one of the grounds for the refund of bride price, polygamy or even separation. Should the law be changed, so that boys are not tempted to marry their grandmothers' age mates?
The problem with this is, that changing the law would be taking away the one thing an adult is entitled to; the right to make his or her own choices, however, stupid they may seem to be the rest of society.
The only thing society and indeed the law requires of every adult, is that after making their choices, they should be adult enough to face the consequences of these choices.
In the case of the young man, such consequences may include having no biological children, living with the knowledge that his mother died prematurely due to her opposition to his marriage to the woman he loves and living in the perpetual animosity of a community that disapprove of the marriage.
So, even though the couple may not have committed any offense or broken any law, their life may have to be lived as if they are criminals. Not too big a price to pay for love, I guess.