I spent three years in Makerere’s secret cult
The hill that is home to this cult is well known in Kampala. The tall trees, the lush greenery, the well kept lawns, the cool shades and beautiful buildings combine to make it a pleasant habitation
By Joe Nam
The hill that is home to this cult is well known in Kampala. The tall trees, the lush greenery, the well kept lawns, the cool shades and beautiful buildings combine to make it a pleasant habitation.
Even after the Kanungu cult killings a few years ago, it is whispered that every parent in the land will do anything to have their children join the cult. At the annual recruiting ceremony, the cult leaders lock out many people, but I was lucky to get in. I went in as an undercover agent and spent some three years spying on this religion. I had enough time to discover the source of the cult’s shadowy power.
The cult is run by a high priest and priestesses. In the teaching of this cult, God, the devil, angels, heaven or hell is rarely mentioned. The cult's main teaching is about paradise on earth.
This is the first promise in the cult’s holy book, and it reads: “If you pay attention to our teachings while you are here and answer the questions concerning the secrets and mysteries of our faith correctly, then we will be rewarded with magic paper at the end of your stay here.â€
The magic paper grants the cult members paradise on earth. The clergy teaches with solemnity that once in possession of the magic paper, you will be accorded instant recognition, respect, honour and wealth in society.
The only thing one has to do is wave the magic paper, and watch the wonders that would unravel. It is taught that the best men, women, jobs, cars, houses and titles in society is in waiting for those in possession of the magic paper.
This message is popular with cult members. I also got persuaded, until I met frustrated and desperate former members who waved the magic paper to everyone’s disinterest. I also noticed that a number of people without the magic paper were doing quite well in society. And many former members owed a living to a dozen of these who have never been to the cult.
That was when I began to question one of the cult's favourite verses: “all humans who had never been to the cult and did not possess it's sacred magic papers were doomed to a life of misery.†This teaching, it is believed, is the cause for the high number of Superior Complex Dementia (SCD) patients, among cult members.
It is rumoured that a recent check diagnosed more than 80 percent of the cults 24,000 membership with SCD. This malady has made it very difficult for members to fit in normal society after leaving the cult.
I noticed that many preachers of the cult lacked pedagogic skills and were better off singing lullabies to babies. Make no mistake though, there are many admirable things about the cult.
You will find in the cult's vaults, the secrets of the human body, government, politics, and money Yes, cash! This cult is also the only religion in the world that has managed to unite worshippers from different faiths. In harmony we worshiped with devout Catholics, pious Protestants, fundamental Muslims and puritanical evangelicals.
The cult also has the biggest concentration of beautiful girls I have ever seen. Man, the place is swarming with angelic faces. Were it not for the strange mannerisms of these female members, they would be the finest pool for future mothers.
In an age when going vegetarian is popular logic, most of the cult girls harbour a strong appetite for grilled chicken and chips. But what I found most disturbing was the girls penchant for riding in saloon cars. It reminded me of my boyish, passion of riding in my father’s car.
For girls with mature and pointed breasts to behave in this manner can only be a serious case of psycho-compensation that returns to haunt people in later life, who were fixated during childhood. Intending suitors are said to flee from the girls on learning that they have been in the cult.
The cult boys are well known for hooliganism. The assistant high priest once complained publicly after a cult boy was brought back to the cult on a wheelbarrow. He had gone for a drinking spree earlier in the evening. The cult boys have also sired an army of bastards over the years with women who live around the cult's area. The cult has been generous enough to feed these children with remnants of food from the cult's big kitchens after every meal.
Every year, a big send off service for outgoing cult members is held. This is when the members to receive the cult’s magic papers are announced by the high priest. All cult members ready to receive magic papers wear dark gowns and a weird looking flat topped hat with a thread tail hanging from the top. This day, which begins by reading the names of those to receive magic papers, culminates into orgies that begins by sunset and continues into the night.
I treasure many good preachers whom I met in the cult. The kind-hearted Reverend Murindwa Rutanga, the saintly Rev Jack Smith, the tough Rev Simba Sali whom many cult members believed is a reincarnation of ancient Greek law maker, Draco — 621 BC — author of the draconian laws.
You don't want to fool with Reverend Simba who preaches the secrets of politics. I treasure meeting the priests and priestesses in my fellowship where we learnt the secrets of communication.
The humourous Brother Kyazze, the friendly Brother Henry Bongye, Brother John Matovu, Reverend Martin Ddungu, and of course Sister Aisha ,and all the others who taught us the many secrets we would not have known. The Cult is Makerere University.
The hill that is home to this cult is well known in Kampala. The tall trees, the lush greenery, the well kept lawns, the cool shades and beautiful buildings combine to make it a pleasant habitation.
Even after the Kanungu cult killings a few years ago, it is whispered that every parent in the land will do anything to have their children join the cult. At the annual recruiting ceremony, the cult leaders lock out many people, but I was lucky to get in. I went in as an undercover agent and spent some three years spying on this religion. I had enough time to discover the source of the cult’s shadowy power.
The cult is run by a high priest and priestesses. In the teaching of this cult, God, the devil, angels, heaven or hell is rarely mentioned. The cult's main teaching is about paradise on earth.
This is the first promise in the cult’s holy book, and it reads: “If you pay attention to our teachings while you are here and answer the questions concerning the secrets and mysteries of our faith correctly, then we will be rewarded with magic paper at the end of your stay here.â€
The magic paper grants the cult members paradise on earth. The clergy teaches with solemnity that once in possession of the magic paper, you will be accorded instant recognition, respect, honour and wealth in society.
The only thing one has to do is wave the magic paper, and watch the wonders that would unravel. It is taught that the best men, women, jobs, cars, houses and titles in society is in waiting for those in possession of the magic paper.
This message is popular with cult members. I also got persuaded, until I met frustrated and desperate former members who waved the magic paper to everyone’s disinterest. I also noticed that a number of people without the magic paper were doing quite well in society. And many former members owed a living to a dozen of these who have never been to the cult.
That was when I began to question one of the cult's favourite verses: “all humans who had never been to the cult and did not possess it's sacred magic papers were doomed to a life of misery.†This teaching, it is believed, is the cause for the high number of Superior Complex Dementia (SCD) patients, among cult members.
It is rumoured that a recent check diagnosed more than 80 percent of the cults 24,000 membership with SCD. This malady has made it very difficult for members to fit in normal society after leaving the cult.
I noticed that many preachers of the cult lacked pedagogic skills and were better off singing lullabies to babies. Make no mistake though, there are many admirable things about the cult.
You will find in the cult's vaults, the secrets of the human body, government, politics, and money Yes, cash! This cult is also the only religion in the world that has managed to unite worshippers from different faiths. In harmony we worshiped with devout Catholics, pious Protestants, fundamental Muslims and puritanical evangelicals.
The cult also has the biggest concentration of beautiful girls I have ever seen. Man, the place is swarming with angelic faces. Were it not for the strange mannerisms of these female members, they would be the finest pool for future mothers.
In an age when going vegetarian is popular logic, most of the cult girls harbour a strong appetite for grilled chicken and chips. But what I found most disturbing was the girls penchant for riding in saloon cars. It reminded me of my boyish, passion of riding in my father’s car.
For girls with mature and pointed breasts to behave in this manner can only be a serious case of psycho-compensation that returns to haunt people in later life, who were fixated during childhood. Intending suitors are said to flee from the girls on learning that they have been in the cult.
The cult boys are well known for hooliganism. The assistant high priest once complained publicly after a cult boy was brought back to the cult on a wheelbarrow. He had gone for a drinking spree earlier in the evening. The cult boys have also sired an army of bastards over the years with women who live around the cult's area. The cult has been generous enough to feed these children with remnants of food from the cult's big kitchens after every meal.
Every year, a big send off service for outgoing cult members is held. This is when the members to receive the cult’s magic papers are announced by the high priest. All cult members ready to receive magic papers wear dark gowns and a weird looking flat topped hat with a thread tail hanging from the top. This day, which begins by reading the names of those to receive magic papers, culminates into orgies that begins by sunset and continues into the night.
I treasure many good preachers whom I met in the cult. The kind-hearted Reverend Murindwa Rutanga, the saintly Rev Jack Smith, the tough Rev Simba Sali whom many cult members believed is a reincarnation of ancient Greek law maker, Draco — 621 BC — author of the draconian laws.
You don't want to fool with Reverend Simba who preaches the secrets of politics. I treasure meeting the priests and priestesses in my fellowship where we learnt the secrets of communication.
The humourous Brother Kyazze, the friendly Brother Henry Bongye, Brother John Matovu, Reverend Martin Ddungu, and of course Sister Aisha ,and all the others who taught us the many secrets we would not have known. The Cult is Makerere University.