Saggy Is Probed On Ghost Soldiers!

I was standing in the witness stand, and on my left was an array of judges who were all dressed in military fatigue.
I couldn’t make out most of their faces, but at least I managed to identify the head judge. He had this Movement ‘curve’ above his upper lip —- I guess some people would call it a moustache. I found out that his name was David, though he had the intimidating looks of Goliath!
I later learned that his other name was Tinyefuza, which means in Runyankore, ‘I don’t regret!’ So, this meant that my standing in the stand was suicidal, and no one in their right mind would want to be standing in front of a judge who doesn’t regret!
Soon, he picked up the gavel and brought the house to a deafening silence.
He then stroked his beard while looking at me. In the meantime, I was sweating like a frog!
“Can you pick up that Bible,” Tinye asked me, and I picked up the dog-eared Bible. “Hold it in your right hand and raise it up, ” he said. I followed his request before he asked me to take an oath.
“I, Saggy of the Wacky World, solemnly swear that I will not let the truth or anything near the truth get in the way of what I am about to say to this court,” I proclaimed.
“Tell us who you are and what you do,” Tinye stuttered. I went into a barrage of things like, “My name is Harry Sagara —- but the girls just call me Saggy. I share a name with people like Harry S. Truman, Prince Harry, Harry Belafonte, Harry Potter…”
“This court doesn’t care who the hell your namesakes are. All we want to know is who you are and what you do,” he said.
“Okay, afande. Sorry, my lordship. My name is Harry Sagara. I am a writer, and I also run an advertising agency called “BullsEye Creative.”
Then, Tinye opens a big file in front of him, and picks out a piece of paper. He hands it over to me.
“What is this?” he asked.
“It is an article from The New Vision,” I said.
“What is it saying?”
“It’s about ghost soldiers in the army,” I replied.
Tinye asked me whether I knew anything about ghost soldiers in the army, and how they operate.
I told him that the last time I heard about ghosts was in the movie, The Ghostbusters.
“Did you just call me a bastard?” he asked me, while he opened his eyes the way President Museveni does when trying to bully stubborn journalists.
“No,” I said. “Ghost-busters, my lordship, afande,” I said, trying to redeem myself.
“So you are saying I am a ghost buster?” he said.
I told him that I was more concerned about junk things in the army and not ghost things!
I extolled on the numbers of junk choppers —— junk food rations, junk uniforms, and junk Congolese women before he interrupted me again.
“We are talking about ghost soldiers not junk things,” he said.
“Okay afande. Ghost soldiers are soldiers who are shot dead, but they continue to live as ghosts.”
As I was still trying to give him an explanation, someone with fat cheeks walked into the courtroom, and whispered something to Tinye. Tinye then nodded, and turned to me.
“Saggy, you are being accused of Timber Congo-ring and Congo Timbering.”
“What do you mean, my lordship afande?” I asked.
He didn’t allow me to take any plea on this since this was a serious offence only triable by certain people in the water lands and environment Ministry!
As I stood there pondering Tinye’s next question, I heard someone screaming:
“Sagara, Sagara, you are approaching your deadline, this page has to go to press.”
It was my boss waking me up from a slumber in the office chair. Interesting things these dreams can be!

Sagara10@yahoo.com
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