MEN REVEAL HOW THEY HAVE RAISED THEIR CHILDREN
Frank Gashumba is a city businessman who is known for having assisted Aisha Nabukera, a girl who was burnt by her step-mother in Masaka. Gashumba, a single father, shares his experience with Pidson K
Frank Gashumba is a city businessman who is known for having assisted Aisha Nabukera, a girl who was burnt by her step-mother in Masaka. Gashumba, a single father, shares his experience with Pidson Kareire.
You must be a total man to abstain for all these years?
Yeah! I was married for six years and I have been single for seven. What happens is that I date girls and they go away because they fail the test of the marriage I want.
Is it you who is a problem or the girls?
Women in Kampala fall in love for what you have, not who you are. They fall for sleek cars, houses and other material things but not a person. So when the car or house disappears, so do they. Others fall for jobs; if you have a well paying job you are a real man; but the moment you lose it you automatically lose her!
But surely, with the wealth you have, how can you fail to get Miss Right?
It is not the money that gets you a wife; it is God. I am looking for a wife not a woman; otherwise there are many women out there who would wish to be at my home. You see all women can go to hospital and give birth, but they are not wives; what makes you a parent is not the ability to produce but the capacity to raise children to become responsible citizens.
It looks like you want to give up on marriage?
No. I am not saying I wonâ€™t marry, but I will wait for Miss Right.
What if that particular one does not come?
She is there; according to the scripture, every man has his woman, so I must wait for her.
Why donâ€™t you use your money wisely so that she can drop in?
But I am neither rich nor poor. I know who rich people are.
So what happened to your daughterâ€™s mother?
She is someone I loved so much, but she ended up with groups of bad girls in Kampala. And if you cannot save the marriage, save the children. so that is what I did; I saved my daughter. Even if someone is from a good family, bad groups can spoil her/him.
How long did it take you to take the final decision of sending her away?
You know with a woman you have children with it takes a painful decision to divorce her. It took me two years. You cannot just wake up one day and say go away, unless you are on drugs.
Who is a total man?
It is a disciplined man who instills morals in his children; a man whose family values are respected, whose home is always joyous. There are tycoons in this city I donâ€™t respect because they have no morals.
But people say that if you are not married you are not a total man!
Many people in Uganda look at the wedding day and not at what will happen after the wedding. Whatever happens after, they join those who are ready to laugh and they scorn. With the woman you are going to marry till death, you need patience and to ignore society and peer pressure.
What are some of the advantages of single fatherhood?
I think a single life is better than a troubled or messed up marriage. In a messy marriage children get problems in the future. Imagine children see you quarreling everyday; they will also be quarrelsome throughout their lives.
Doesnâ€™t your daughter bother you with questions about her mother?
No. I try as much as possible to be open with her; I told her why I did it, why her mother is not with me. I am her mother and father.