Ah, the allure of those ushers
WHOEVER came up with the brilliant idea of enlisting the services of ushers at functions deserves a posthumous award. Now, I am not quibbling about those ushers better known in the laity circles, but those charming ladies at cocktails and other secular fu
By Jacobs Odongo
WHOEVER came up with the brilliant idea of enlisting the services of ushers at functions deserves a posthumous award. Now, I am not quibbling about those ushers better known in the laity circles, but those charming ladies at cocktails and other secular functions.
They are supposed to marshal guests to functions to the right place and help them (guests) whenever they want to move around. And their nature of work stipulates that they are trained, among others, to be professionally cheerful — greet each person with a smile as charming as Obama’s speech.
Yeah, it is those killer smiles and their dresses that seem to always catch the eye or send a message to whoever turns toward these daughters of Eve. That is the norm at secular functions like corporate dinners, cocktails and luncheons. In the church and, sometimes but not often, at traditional ceremonies like introduction (kwanjula,) and wedding receptions, they dress to the teeth.
But at corporate functions, their sense of style, not to mention their gait, are nothing short of punishment for men. I was at a corporate function at Hotel Africana last weekend. I do not know whether it had to do with my growing up in the jungles because my eyes kept roving like a camera in the hand of paparazzi.
The ushers from Pearl Equisites that attended to us, were enough to prove to skeptics who doubt, that Uganda is indeed the Pearl of Africa. I fought the temptation to stare at them, the temptation to initiate a conversation, let alone the temptation to touch.
Then my mind was not my own anymore. It raced to places far and beyond. But a friend I shared a table with, did not have my patience. He succumbed and indeed called on one of the beautiful ushers. He whispered sweet nothings into her ears, while pretending to seek her help with nothing.
Well, at least he got his satisfaction rather than battle with the thought of what it might have been. But another lad who sat next to me took things even a step further; he refused to go by the etiquette and turned the ushers into waitresses, or, worse still, go-between him and the waitresses!
He would call one of these gorgeous head turners every time he wanted something to drink and it was always the ushers who had to beckon the waitresses to his service. At another table was a man who must have been so angry that the seats at Africana’s Nile Hall were not swivel chairs; he had crane his neck to catch a glimpse every time an usher shashayed past him.
Then in came the corporate dinner at Club Rouge.The mega social critics that are journalists were all over themselves vying for the ushers’ attention. A few cunning ones would pretend to ask for guidance from an usher only for the camera flash to go off in their direction.
See, they had tipped their photojournalist colleagues to do the necessary after the stunners rejected their requests for outright photo opportunities. Ah, the power of ushers! Now, I do not even want to imagine a good corporate function without stunning ushers, because no matter how enticing the agenda, things can get boring at one point or another. So, where do you turn for solace — ushers?
I think guests who dose during conferences and seminars only do so to vouch forth their anger at the organisers for not having these sexy young things around. Yes, put there those stunning ushers and no dignitary will dose; when boredom rears its ugly head, you turn your groggy eyes toward that beautiful creature in high heels smiling at nothing in particular and believe me, that refreshment will be more than enough to keep you awake!
WHOEVER came up with the brilliant idea of enlisting the services of ushers at functions deserves a posthumous award. Now, I am not quibbling about those ushers better known in the laity circles, but those charming ladies at cocktails and other secular functions.
They are supposed to marshal guests to functions to the right place and help them (guests) whenever they want to move around. And their nature of work stipulates that they are trained, among others, to be professionally cheerful — greet each person with a smile as charming as Obama’s speech.
Yeah, it is those killer smiles and their dresses that seem to always catch the eye or send a message to whoever turns toward these daughters of Eve. That is the norm at secular functions like corporate dinners, cocktails and luncheons. In the church and, sometimes but not often, at traditional ceremonies like introduction (kwanjula,) and wedding receptions, they dress to the teeth.
But at corporate functions, their sense of style, not to mention their gait, are nothing short of punishment for men. I was at a corporate function at Hotel Africana last weekend. I do not know whether it had to do with my growing up in the jungles because my eyes kept roving like a camera in the hand of paparazzi.
The ushers from Pearl Equisites that attended to us, were enough to prove to skeptics who doubt, that Uganda is indeed the Pearl of Africa. I fought the temptation to stare at them, the temptation to initiate a conversation, let alone the temptation to touch.
Then my mind was not my own anymore. It raced to places far and beyond. But a friend I shared a table with, did not have my patience. He succumbed and indeed called on one of the beautiful ushers. He whispered sweet nothings into her ears, while pretending to seek her help with nothing.
Well, at least he got his satisfaction rather than battle with the thought of what it might have been. But another lad who sat next to me took things even a step further; he refused to go by the etiquette and turned the ushers into waitresses, or, worse still, go-between him and the waitresses!
He would call one of these gorgeous head turners every time he wanted something to drink and it was always the ushers who had to beckon the waitresses to his service. At another table was a man who must have been so angry that the seats at Africana’s Nile Hall were not swivel chairs; he had crane his neck to catch a glimpse every time an usher shashayed past him.
Then in came the corporate dinner at Club Rouge.The mega social critics that are journalists were all over themselves vying for the ushers’ attention. A few cunning ones would pretend to ask for guidance from an usher only for the camera flash to go off in their direction.
See, they had tipped their photojournalist colleagues to do the necessary after the stunners rejected their requests for outright photo opportunities. Ah, the power of ushers! Now, I do not even want to imagine a good corporate function without stunning ushers, because no matter how enticing the agenda, things can get boring at one point or another. So, where do you turn for solace — ushers?
I think guests who dose during conferences and seminars only do so to vouch forth their anger at the organisers for not having these sexy young things around. Yes, put there those stunning ushers and no dignitary will dose; when boredom rears its ugly head, you turn your groggy eyes toward that beautiful creature in high heels smiling at nothing in particular and believe me, that refreshment will be more than enough to keep you awake!