When is it the right time to fly out of the nest?
Mar 19, 2009
SHE lives with her parents and has never considered moving out. Even though Jane Mutisu is 31, gainfully employed and can afford to live on her own, she is still reluctant to leave her parents’ nest.
By Stephen Ssenkaaba
SHE lives with her parents and has never considered moving out. Even though Jane Mutisu is 31, gainfully employed and can afford to live on her own, she is still reluctant to leave her parents’ nest.
Her father has not said a word to her, perhaps because there is plenty of room at home. And she does not seem to have a problem staying on for a few more years either.
But among her (more liberated) peers, Mutisu has turned into a laughing-stock. “They think I am a child,†she complains. Mutisu is not worried though. “When the right time comes, I will move out,†she says.
In a society so consumed by unemployment and uncertainty, it is not uncommon to find young people sticking around their parents’ home after completing high school or university.
But even after finding jobs and attaining financial independence, some people stay on to enjoy the comfort of their parents’ homes. This is particularly common among girls, perhaps because of the perceived implications.
Society tends to frown upon the idea of girls leaving their parents homes to start living on their own.
Parents fear that their daughters will venture into the unknown. The thought they could also end up into the hands of “the wrong people†hinders many parents from encouraging their girls to start out life on their own.
Often times, though, such parental protection inhibits healthy and open discussions between parents and their girls on taking responsibility for their own lives. There are various reasons why some people stay home longer than others.
Many people claim living with their parents sometimes breeds dependence syndrome and stifles creativity of the child.
But Angela Katatumba, who is in her late twenties, still lives with her parents, disagrees: “If one is focused and ambitious, it does not matter if they live with their parents or not.â€
Katatumba says despite living with her father, she has established herself, secured her future and built a successful career.
Even though it might be safe, staying at home sometimes have its costs. Sonya Kire had been comfortable living with her parents, but it later became inconvenient.
“I could not have a night out without worrying about beating the 10:00pm curfew; I would also get embarrassed waking up my dad late at night to open the door for me,†she says.
Parents speak
In cultures that prize protection of the girl-child and glorify masculinity, society will always cut some slack for girls who stay with their parents well into their 30s and beyond, yet bash boys who find themselves in similar circumstances.
“Traditionally, girls have always been vulnerable. Society, therefore, regards them as helpless and needing protection from their parents until that time when their husbands take over that role.
That is why, as parents, we do not mind them staying at home for as long as possible,†says Mzee FDR Gureme, an elderly father. He says because girls tend to be closer and more helpful to their parents than boys, many parents keep them around.
A few parents, however, believe that no matter what the circumstances are, children should be encouraged to leave their parents’ homes when they complete school and have employment.
“Unless one is encouraged to leave home, they may not be able to discover this world; they may never appreciate the importance of independence,†says Nuwa Wamala, a father of two.
He says children need to live independently; otherwise later, they will find life challenging. Wamala says if parents cannot claim protection over their children, including girls while on studies, it is futile to expect to protect them by keeping them at home.
He says girls who leave their parents’ homes straight to marriage are more likely to find challenges than their counterparts who have lived independently for a while.
But Dr. Rebecca Nyonyintono, a sociologist, argues that children do not have to first leave their parents’ home to become independent. Some leave their parents’ homes and still continue to depend on them, while others stay longer with their parents and still exhibit a sense of responsibility and independence.â€
Nyonyintono says unless circumstances dictate, children should be encouraged to stay with their parents until they get married or when they are ready to move out.
She emphasises that age should not be the yardstick to determine when one should leave his/her parents’ home.
Leaving home to start a new life is a defining moment for many; one that can be subjected to simplistic theories.
Circumstances play a major part in determining the next move and since these vary, the debate could go on.
Why leave my parents’ home?
Agnes Barongo, who is in her 30s and still lives with her parents, says she has considered finding her own place. “But when I weigh my options, staying home with my parents works better for me.â€
Apart from being comfortable, it has enabled her to plan better for her future. I am in a better position to save and to afford a few amenities and privileges that I would not be able to do if I was out renting or living on my own,†she says.
Barongo says if one’s parents are happy to keep them around and the individual is comfortable staying around, they are free to do so. But, she emphasises this is suitable only for girls.
SHE lives with her parents and has never considered moving out. Even though Jane Mutisu is 31, gainfully employed and can afford to live on her own, she is still reluctant to leave her parents’ nest.
Her father has not said a word to her, perhaps because there is plenty of room at home. And she does not seem to have a problem staying on for a few more years either.
But among her (more liberated) peers, Mutisu has turned into a laughing-stock. “They think I am a child,†she complains. Mutisu is not worried though. “When the right time comes, I will move out,†she says.
In a society so consumed by unemployment and uncertainty, it is not uncommon to find young people sticking around their parents’ home after completing high school or university.
But even after finding jobs and attaining financial independence, some people stay on to enjoy the comfort of their parents’ homes. This is particularly common among girls, perhaps because of the perceived implications.
Society tends to frown upon the idea of girls leaving their parents homes to start living on their own.
Parents fear that their daughters will venture into the unknown. The thought they could also end up into the hands of “the wrong people†hinders many parents from encouraging their girls to start out life on their own.
Often times, though, such parental protection inhibits healthy and open discussions between parents and their girls on taking responsibility for their own lives. There are various reasons why some people stay home longer than others.
Many people claim living with their parents sometimes breeds dependence syndrome and stifles creativity of the child.
But Angela Katatumba, who is in her late twenties, still lives with her parents, disagrees: “If one is focused and ambitious, it does not matter if they live with their parents or not.â€
Katatumba says despite living with her father, she has established herself, secured her future and built a successful career.
Even though it might be safe, staying at home sometimes have its costs. Sonya Kire had been comfortable living with her parents, but it later became inconvenient.
“I could not have a night out without worrying about beating the 10:00pm curfew; I would also get embarrassed waking up my dad late at night to open the door for me,†she says.
Parents speak
In cultures that prize protection of the girl-child and glorify masculinity, society will always cut some slack for girls who stay with their parents well into their 30s and beyond, yet bash boys who find themselves in similar circumstances.
“Traditionally, girls have always been vulnerable. Society, therefore, regards them as helpless and needing protection from their parents until that time when their husbands take over that role.
That is why, as parents, we do not mind them staying at home for as long as possible,†says Mzee FDR Gureme, an elderly father. He says because girls tend to be closer and more helpful to their parents than boys, many parents keep them around.
A few parents, however, believe that no matter what the circumstances are, children should be encouraged to leave their parents’ homes when they complete school and have employment.
“Unless one is encouraged to leave home, they may not be able to discover this world; they may never appreciate the importance of independence,†says Nuwa Wamala, a father of two.
He says children need to live independently; otherwise later, they will find life challenging. Wamala says if parents cannot claim protection over their children, including girls while on studies, it is futile to expect to protect them by keeping them at home.
He says girls who leave their parents’ homes straight to marriage are more likely to find challenges than their counterparts who have lived independently for a while.
But Dr. Rebecca Nyonyintono, a sociologist, argues that children do not have to first leave their parents’ home to become independent. Some leave their parents’ homes and still continue to depend on them, while others stay longer with their parents and still exhibit a sense of responsibility and independence.â€
Nyonyintono says unless circumstances dictate, children should be encouraged to stay with their parents until they get married or when they are ready to move out.
She emphasises that age should not be the yardstick to determine when one should leave his/her parents’ home.
Leaving home to start a new life is a defining moment for many; one that can be subjected to simplistic theories.
Circumstances play a major part in determining the next move and since these vary, the debate could go on.
Why leave my parents’ home?
Agnes Barongo, who is in her 30s and still lives with her parents, says she has considered finding her own place. “But when I weigh my options, staying home with my parents works better for me.â€
Apart from being comfortable, it has enabled her to plan better for her future. I am in a better position to save and to afford a few amenities and privileges that I would not be able to do if I was out renting or living on my own,†she says.
Barongo says if one’s parents are happy to keep them around and the individual is comfortable staying around, they are free to do so. But, she emphasises this is suitable only for girls.