Easter found us, and actually left us, at a joint upcountry where a lot of brains were spent on vital earth-moving ideas, from goatskin land titles to the position of man in a home up to the homosexual list.
We initially wanted one crate of beer to disappear among us before we returned home but we failed. We ended up consuming three, in honour of the time Jesus stayed in the grave and graduated with what qualifies to be a friendly fight.
It began as calmly as Faith Mwondha did when she started to think about her parliamentary vetting. Soon we were raising voices as wives picked up senseless arguments with husbands over mere statements.
One guy said something about worthless men who wash their own underwear prompting his wife to take up arms against women who still wash their hubbyâ€™s undies. The mystery of who washes them at their home was still open for debate when the two jumped at each otherâ€™s necks like trained leopards.
We should not fight such senseless wars when there is Kony to think about. What wives need to know is that beneath the tough- talking men that we are, lies a scarlet red fear of being seen as weak.
So when we meet for a drink with colleagues, we easily reserve a lot of venom for men who are hurrying home for curfews, bash women who ask husbands for accountability, dare our own to take as much as a minute to open the door should we eventually return home and generally look almighty.
There is no limit to which these statements of supremacy may rise and that is why men who drink in groups should rarely take their wives along.
I am afraid for wives, the way men talk tough may constitute an actual terrorism package. And should any wife pick a leaf from Amama Mbabazi and tap this conversation, she would melt from red hot anger.
That is why I considered this an appropriate Easter message. When Jesus was staggering under the weight of the cross, he saw beautiful women crying by the roadside. He immediately steadied himself and gave them a piece of advice: â€œDo not cry for me dear beauties,â€ He said.
â€œCry for yourselves and your children!â€ That was the man in him talking tough. But do you genuinely believe He wanted them to smile?
Most supremacy talk men engage in, especially at any beer party, ranges from hot air to fantasy. Nobody should take it at face value.
We bash whoever looks weak but inside us, we are all suffering. Not even me can repeat this statement on oath. I try to remain as tough as my mouth can make me be.
Next time watch carefully; those men who look toughest at such conversations, thumping chests and all that, are the ones who respect their wives with utmost humanity.
So if you return home to beat your wife just because you drunkenly resolved to do so at the bar, you will end up being the stupid one.
Your colleagues will be sweet-talking their better halves into such developmental projects as the manufacture of children.
So, my friends; do not waste emotion on your guyâ€™s tough talk even if it seems to pit you in a pitiable position. If you do not like it, discuss it later, away from his friends.
As for you men, talk tough but maintain your womanâ€™s dignity among your friends.
And remember, the times when lion husbands received envious glances expired when it was discovered that they were poor performers in bed.
ÂÂÂReal men talk tough but behave like lambs at home