Why is he treating me like that?
Jun 12, 2009
I am 30, and a mother of two beautiful daughters. I live with my boyfriend, but we are not married. My first daughter is from a relationship I had at college. I met my current boyfriend two years after I had broken the first relationship. He was so good t
I am 30, and a mother of two beautiful daughters. I live with my boyfriend, but we are not married. My first daughter is from a relationship I had at college. I met my current boyfriend two years after I had broken the first relationship. He was so good to me and my daughter. Because he loved my daughter, I decided to make him very happy and change his perception of so many things.
When I met him I got to know that his girlfriend had disappointed him. From his appearance, he seemed a lost soul and a loner who needed love and comfort. I didn’t have feelings for him, but decided to make a difference in his life. I was living with my siblings when we met. He joined us. When I gave birth to his daughter we moved into his house which his father left him. After a short time, I realised he was still seeing his ex-girl friend. I openly told him that since he had recovered from his bothering past, he could leave. He never left. I recently read text messages from his phone that left me mad.
They read: “U spent the whole night on my mind, am longing to hold you on my chest, feel your warmth and scent, I miss you terriblyâ€! I nearly fainted! I don’t want to live my life in misery. With or without a man not even children would keep me in an unhappy relationship. I don’t want  him to touch me again, but I have feelings for him. Counsellor, do you believe that people can turn loving and caring people into monsters?Â
Dear,
It sounds like a tough position for you. You seem like you are giving your best and yet getting the worst out of it. It may be tough but you can choose to get the best out of life no matter what. You earlier gave him an open door to which he declined. Is there something that is making him hold on to this relationship despite his outside relationship? Do you still want to part ways?
From the many experiences you have had with him, you sound instrumental in his entire life. Could this be the reason he is holding on, or could it be that he is finding it hard to let go of the other relationship too? When it comes to finances, are you the sole provider or he participates as well? In a relationship, such issues are best settled when they are tabled. You can initiate a conversation with him concerning his unbecoming behaviour. If you feel you are not getting far with this, you could suggest that you seek the support of a counsellor together.
Life is about choice and if this kind of relationship seems unsafe, you may consider opting out especially if you are not married.
When I met him I got to know that his girlfriend had disappointed him. From his appearance, he seemed a lost soul and a loner who needed love and comfort. I didn’t have feelings for him, but decided to make a difference in his life. I was living with my siblings when we met. He joined us. When I gave birth to his daughter we moved into his house which his father left him. After a short time, I realised he was still seeing his ex-girl friend. I openly told him that since he had recovered from his bothering past, he could leave. He never left. I recently read text messages from his phone that left me mad.
They read: “U spent the whole night on my mind, am longing to hold you on my chest, feel your warmth and scent, I miss you terriblyâ€! I nearly fainted! I don’t want to live my life in misery. With or without a man not even children would keep me in an unhappy relationship. I don’t want  him to touch me again, but I have feelings for him. Counsellor, do you believe that people can turn loving and caring people into monsters?Â
Dear,
It sounds like a tough position for you. You seem like you are giving your best and yet getting the worst out of it. It may be tough but you can choose to get the best out of life no matter what. You earlier gave him an open door to which he declined. Is there something that is making him hold on to this relationship despite his outside relationship? Do you still want to part ways?
From the many experiences you have had with him, you sound instrumental in his entire life. Could this be the reason he is holding on, or could it be that he is finding it hard to let go of the other relationship too? When it comes to finances, are you the sole provider or he participates as well? In a relationship, such issues are best settled when they are tabled. You can initiate a conversation with him concerning his unbecoming behaviour. If you feel you are not getting far with this, you could suggest that you seek the support of a counsellor together.
Life is about choice and if this kind of relationship seems unsafe, you may consider opting out especially if you are not married.