How to silence gossips at work
Jul 21, 2009
A woman recently stormed her husband’s office accusing him of frequently sleeping out, claiming he was “on-duty†or doing field work. She not only shouted for everyone to hear, but even complained to his bosses and the human resource manager. Needle
By Rebecca Harshbarger
A woman recently stormed her husband’s office accusing him of frequently sleeping out, claiming he was “on-duty†or doing field work. She not only shouted for everyone to hear, but even complained to his bosses and the human resource manager. Needless to say, the man is still a victim of gossip at his workplace.
In today’s work environment, it is common for one’s personal and work life to overlap. Similar to how one’s work can invade one’s personal life in an intrusive way, issues related to relationships, family and other private aspects can spill into one’s assignments — and even cause unwanted gossip. First, we need to understand the different ways that personal life can invade a job.
According to Albert Kamukama, a human resources manager at the Uganda Management Institute, financial problems can interfere with an employees’ ability to concentrate on their work. Due to the high cost of living, many workers borrow against their salaries to pay bills, which can solve some problems in the short-term, but affects their concentration during working hours.
Employees might suffer from anxiety and depression during the day, as worries about their financial obligations and paying back loans overwhelm them. Kakama says workers between the age of 18 and 35 are most likely to have issues regarding relationships and marriages. Between 35 and 50, some workers might suffer midlife crises, reflecting on earlier decisions they made.
After 50, employees’ concentration might be disturbed by concerns over their retirement, such as how they will support themselves when they are no longer working or take care of major health problems. When it is obvious that your private life is interfering with your work, other employees might use this is an opportunity to gossip about you.
“The most important way to cope with gossip is to endeavour to do your best,†says Patrick Mwase, a counselling psychologist at Makerere University’s Institute of Psychology.
“Set clear goals in your work and work to attain them.†Social psychologist Paul Nyende advises workers who feel victimised by gossip to ignore negative remarks they overhear and focus on their positive attributes.
“People will always gossip about others, it is part of human nature,†says Nyende. “You just have to accept it. If you pay so much attention, you will begin seeing yourself in a negative light, which will depress you.â€
Nyende encourages victims of gossip to turn how they view the situation around, noting that people only gossip about individuals who are significant and ignore insignificant ones.
However, Kakama differs and advises workers to listen closely to the gossip they hear about themselves and use it to check any bad habits they may have developed.
If co-workers are gossiping about the phone calls you make to your girlfriend at your desk, the way your dress, or the long lunch break you take, you might need to take a look in the mirror and re-evaluate your behaviour. But if the gossip is not work-related, it should be discarded.
“We have this passion in society for discussing co-workers’ marriage failures, illnesses, alcohol use and who is promiscuous,†says Kakama. “If the gossip is about your work methods, do not complain — just check yourself. But if it is about your personal life, you have reason to complain to your supervisor.â€
Unfortunately for many human resource managers, these situations are common. Sometimes the spouses’ complaints are legitimate and could break their marriage vows.
Other times, a man is distracted with a heavy workload, or with worry and anxiety that have nothing to do with infidelity. Regardless of whether the husband is unfaithful, people working in the human resources office are powerless to stop their employees’ affairs, particularly if they report to work regularly and have a professional, undistracted demeanor.
“This is most commonly seen in men,†observes Lydia Ndagire, the director of human resources and organisational development at Save the Children. “It is not common among women and their husbands.
It typically happens when a man has an extra-marital affair or children outside a marriage and the wife becomes disgruntled or desperate.â€
According to Ndagire, the only time the human resources manager can step in is if they suspect that their employer is neglecting his children. For instance, if he is not providing for children he had in an extra-marital affair or previous relationship, the human resource manager could be asked to step in, since it would damage an organisation.
Such allegations are never taken at face value and involve collaboration with child protection officers. Some women make inaccurate allegations in the hope of getting back with their ex-boyfriends or husbands. Some women go to the workplace to humiliate lovers or boyfriends who have hurt them.
One human resource manager describes a scenario where one employee’s wife reported to his job at 8:00am, and sat on his chair. When he came to his computer that morning, she was ready to handle the lover’s dispute.
As other employees came in, she became hysterical, accusing him of having an extra-marital affair and neglecting her. Although these scenes are rare, they are so dramatic that they can become fodder for office gossip for years.
THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T DONever use your partner’s workplace as a way to humiliate him or her, says Ndagire. Even if you suspect your spouse is having an affair, the best way to tackle the situation is through a marriage counsellor — not speaking to his boss. Be cautious about problems that can hurt your concentration and productivity: outside studies, salary loans, relationships and anxiety over retirement. Use office gossip as a way to check yourself. If people are gossiping about your work style, dress code, or frequent phone calls, you might need to act more professionally. However, if the gossip crosses the line and is more mean-spirited, contact your supervisor and communicate your concerns.
A woman recently stormed her husband’s office accusing him of frequently sleeping out, claiming he was “on-duty†or doing field work. She not only shouted for everyone to hear, but even complained to his bosses and the human resource manager. Needless to say, the man is still a victim of gossip at his workplace.
In today’s work environment, it is common for one’s personal and work life to overlap. Similar to how one’s work can invade one’s personal life in an intrusive way, issues related to relationships, family and other private aspects can spill into one’s assignments — and even cause unwanted gossip. First, we need to understand the different ways that personal life can invade a job.
According to Albert Kamukama, a human resources manager at the Uganda Management Institute, financial problems can interfere with an employees’ ability to concentrate on their work. Due to the high cost of living, many workers borrow against their salaries to pay bills, which can solve some problems in the short-term, but affects their concentration during working hours.
Employees might suffer from anxiety and depression during the day, as worries about their financial obligations and paying back loans overwhelm them. Kakama says workers between the age of 18 and 35 are most likely to have issues regarding relationships and marriages. Between 35 and 50, some workers might suffer midlife crises, reflecting on earlier decisions they made.
After 50, employees’ concentration might be disturbed by concerns over their retirement, such as how they will support themselves when they are no longer working or take care of major health problems. When it is obvious that your private life is interfering with your work, other employees might use this is an opportunity to gossip about you.
“The most important way to cope with gossip is to endeavour to do your best,†says Patrick Mwase, a counselling psychologist at Makerere University’s Institute of Psychology.
“Set clear goals in your work and work to attain them.†Social psychologist Paul Nyende advises workers who feel victimised by gossip to ignore negative remarks they overhear and focus on their positive attributes.
“People will always gossip about others, it is part of human nature,†says Nyende. “You just have to accept it. If you pay so much attention, you will begin seeing yourself in a negative light, which will depress you.â€
Nyende encourages victims of gossip to turn how they view the situation around, noting that people only gossip about individuals who are significant and ignore insignificant ones.
However, Kakama differs and advises workers to listen closely to the gossip they hear about themselves and use it to check any bad habits they may have developed.
If co-workers are gossiping about the phone calls you make to your girlfriend at your desk, the way your dress, or the long lunch break you take, you might need to take a look in the mirror and re-evaluate your behaviour. But if the gossip is not work-related, it should be discarded.
“We have this passion in society for discussing co-workers’ marriage failures, illnesses, alcohol use and who is promiscuous,†says Kakama. “If the gossip is about your work methods, do not complain — just check yourself. But if it is about your personal life, you have reason to complain to your supervisor.â€
Unfortunately for many human resource managers, these situations are common. Sometimes the spouses’ complaints are legitimate and could break their marriage vows.
Other times, a man is distracted with a heavy workload, or with worry and anxiety that have nothing to do with infidelity. Regardless of whether the husband is unfaithful, people working in the human resources office are powerless to stop their employees’ affairs, particularly if they report to work regularly and have a professional, undistracted demeanor.
“This is most commonly seen in men,†observes Lydia Ndagire, the director of human resources and organisational development at Save the Children. “It is not common among women and their husbands.
It typically happens when a man has an extra-marital affair or children outside a marriage and the wife becomes disgruntled or desperate.â€
According to Ndagire, the only time the human resources manager can step in is if they suspect that their employer is neglecting his children. For instance, if he is not providing for children he had in an extra-marital affair or previous relationship, the human resource manager could be asked to step in, since it would damage an organisation.
Such allegations are never taken at face value and involve collaboration with child protection officers. Some women make inaccurate allegations in the hope of getting back with their ex-boyfriends or husbands. Some women go to the workplace to humiliate lovers or boyfriends who have hurt them.
One human resource manager describes a scenario where one employee’s wife reported to his job at 8:00am, and sat on his chair. When he came to his computer that morning, she was ready to handle the lover’s dispute.
As other employees came in, she became hysterical, accusing him of having an extra-marital affair and neglecting her. Although these scenes are rare, they are so dramatic that they can become fodder for office gossip for years.
THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T DO