Mr Crane, the faithful husband
Jul 24, 2009
Today I have a surprise. And I am that surprise. I am now passing as a very responsible conservationist, minding wild life and hating environment polluters – which is a good indicator of aging, by the way. I have seen many Sauls, who live their lives wr
Today I have a surprise. And I am that surprise. I am now passing as a very responsible conservationist, minding wild life and hating environment polluters – which is a good indicator of aging, by the way. I have seen many Sauls, who live their lives wrecking havoc on the environment, become Pauls in environmental conservation.
In that light, I am expressing disappointment with Erias Mukasa, who was arrested last week for possessing a Crested Crane contrary to wildlife regulations. The 44 year-old man from Ndejje in Wakiso district said he was not sure why he was keeping the bird in his house.
But I must also add that Mukasa was NOT arrested by President Museveni; he is a cattle keeper not a policeman.
But what has a Crested Crane got to do with Dr Love? A lot! According to Achilles Byaruhanga of Nature Uganda, the Crane is one of the rare monogamous birds.
Unlike Rukutana, the Christian Crane pairs with one mate for life and only a few remarry when the mate dies. That is probably why The Cranes, our national football team, rarely scores itself to major trophies.
It seems whenever Byaruhanga talked about that bird in villages, some women smiled mischievously. Little did he know that traditionally, people used the crane’s ecology to cope with life’s several challenges, by which I mean marriage.
Traditional healers noted its monogamous genes and started using it to treat unfaithful husbands. He said healers and innovative housewives pick its eggs and fry them or crush the egg shells and clandestinely lace the powder in the soup they feed to their partners.
Some kill the real bird, and crush its bones to make several doses of powder which they add in husbands’ foods to tie them down to zero grazing.
Others just domesticate the bird because it is believed to bring peace in the home.
The Crane is also a spectacular romantic lover. If you got chance to see Mr and Mrs Crane preparing for a hot secret between the sheets, you would learn a few lessons in that subject.
They perform a series of courtship displays and dances, exhibiting their grace and beauty to the fullest. They pirouette, bob and bow to one another, with their wings wide open and held high above their backs just like humans do in Kinyarwanda dance.
When they are not on heat, they don’t quarrel over the remote control, Salvador or TV soccer. They are a peaceful pair and only get annoyed when some policemen participate in evicting people at awkward times using excessive force.
That is why their body parts have been harvested and fed clandestinely to errant husbands. Several doses down the road, the man is expected to develop peaceful tendencies, start revising his romance notes and enhance his romantic display without fear or favour.
Thereafter he is expected never look at another female. The more resistant to the ‘medication’ a man is, the more of the crane he is likely to eat until his genes mutate to conform to the Crane’s genes.
Obviously using the craneto keep your striker from signing for Real Madrid doesn’t work because people who come from swampy areas, where the cranes love to breed from, are the most polygamous.
But trust a belief, many Cranes have been killed, the wings of the tamed ones cut to stop them from flying to freedom. Now the crested bird is getting extinct. From 100,000 birds in 1975 to just over 12,000 now in Uganda! We have lost 85% of the flock in 35 years. In 2030, the only crested crane we will have around these shores will be on the Uganda flag. Then we shall tell our grandchildren that there used to be a monogamous bird called the crane. I hope the word monogamy will not be extinct then.
Next time, I will tell you how to make your partner faithful without having to kill a Crested Crane.
In that light, I am expressing disappointment with Erias Mukasa, who was arrested last week for possessing a Crested Crane contrary to wildlife regulations. The 44 year-old man from Ndejje in Wakiso district said he was not sure why he was keeping the bird in his house.
But I must also add that Mukasa was NOT arrested by President Museveni; he is a cattle keeper not a policeman.
But what has a Crested Crane got to do with Dr Love? A lot! According to Achilles Byaruhanga of Nature Uganda, the Crane is one of the rare monogamous birds.
Unlike Rukutana, the Christian Crane pairs with one mate for life and only a few remarry when the mate dies. That is probably why The Cranes, our national football team, rarely scores itself to major trophies.
It seems whenever Byaruhanga talked about that bird in villages, some women smiled mischievously. Little did he know that traditionally, people used the crane’s ecology to cope with life’s several challenges, by which I mean marriage.
Traditional healers noted its monogamous genes and started using it to treat unfaithful husbands. He said healers and innovative housewives pick its eggs and fry them or crush the egg shells and clandestinely lace the powder in the soup they feed to their partners.
Some kill the real bird, and crush its bones to make several doses of powder which they add in husbands’ foods to tie them down to zero grazing.
Others just domesticate the bird because it is believed to bring peace in the home.
The Crane is also a spectacular romantic lover. If you got chance to see Mr and Mrs Crane preparing for a hot secret between the sheets, you would learn a few lessons in that subject.
They perform a series of courtship displays and dances, exhibiting their grace and beauty to the fullest. They pirouette, bob and bow to one another, with their wings wide open and held high above their backs just like humans do in Kinyarwanda dance.
When they are not on heat, they don’t quarrel over the remote control, Salvador or TV soccer. They are a peaceful pair and only get annoyed when some policemen participate in evicting people at awkward times using excessive force.
That is why their body parts have been harvested and fed clandestinely to errant husbands. Several doses down the road, the man is expected to develop peaceful tendencies, start revising his romance notes and enhance his romantic display without fear or favour.
Thereafter he is expected never look at another female. The more resistant to the ‘medication’ a man is, the more of the crane he is likely to eat until his genes mutate to conform to the Crane’s genes.
Obviously using the craneto keep your striker from signing for Real Madrid doesn’t work because people who come from swampy areas, where the cranes love to breed from, are the most polygamous.
But trust a belief, many Cranes have been killed, the wings of the tamed ones cut to stop them from flying to freedom. Now the crested bird is getting extinct. From 100,000 birds in 1975 to just over 12,000 now in Uganda! We have lost 85% of the flock in 35 years. In 2030, the only crested crane we will have around these shores will be on the Uganda flag. Then we shall tell our grandchildren that there used to be a monogamous bird called the crane. I hope the word monogamy will not be extinct then.
Next time, I will tell you how to make your partner faithful without having to kill a Crested Crane.