Getting her to reduce weight with diplomacy
Before I get to today’s topic (Fight obesity with diplomacy), I want to apologise to those readers, who were unhappy with the same topic last week. It turns out that my readership includes some
Before I get to today’s topic (Fight obesity with diplomacy), I want to apologise to those readers, who were unhappy with the same topic last week. It turns out that my readership includes some VERY serious people including … you who is reading this (who else?). Some took time off their busy schedules to write back complaining that I was ignoring the fact that obesity in men is a worse problem. One actually observed that it is the men who need the advice more because obesity affects their engines. And men, she said, have serious problems when their engine inadequaces are pointed out! Men, defend yourselves; do you?
While I am at it, I also want to insist that my body size may give you wrong answers about my engine. But this topic has to be stopped here if I still need supper at my table. So, let us talk about fat wives.
Question: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
Answer: 20kg. Girlfriends, for some reason, explode into amorphous beings after being placed in the same saucepan with marriage; the popcorn way. We observed that while fat wives are very difficult to reach, keep alive, buy sexy lingerie for and describe as trendy, you need diplomacy to explain why they need to style up lest your radio station gets closed. The ‘hows’ were being discussed when we run out of space after exactly point number one.
Point number two: Criticise the fat women she knows, with venom of no ordinary kind. Let her know that they are not attractive anymore. And when she makes the comparison and asks you if she is fat too, don’t answer. Shrug, get busy or change the topic because everyone knows that ‘no answer means yes’.
Point number three: Use history – it always wins. Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from those days when you used to cause accidents. Of course it will now be too small, a fact that should bring temporal wrinkles on your face. While at it, suggest alternative dresses of that same generation, I am sure she still has them; women rarely part with memorable icons.
Point number four: Use reverse psychology. Complain about your own size and level of fitness and then draft plans to lose weight. Invite her to join you in the dietary and exercise regimes and you are half way there! When you rid the home of junk foods, you separate her from the baking powder, which could have led to the problem. And those men who are grinning at these aspirins should beware; when the tide turns and we begin talking about the obese ones, you will riot. But, I promise I won’t talk about your engines.
While I am at it, I also want to insist that my body size may give you wrong answers about my engine. But this topic has to be stopped here if I still need supper at my table. So, let us talk about fat wives.
Question: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
Answer: 20kg. Girlfriends, for some reason, explode into amorphous beings after being placed in the same saucepan with marriage; the popcorn way. We observed that while fat wives are very difficult to reach, keep alive, buy sexy lingerie for and describe as trendy, you need diplomacy to explain why they need to style up lest your radio station gets closed. The ‘hows’ were being discussed when we run out of space after exactly point number one.
Point number two: Criticise the fat women she knows, with venom of no ordinary kind. Let her know that they are not attractive anymore. And when she makes the comparison and asks you if she is fat too, don’t answer. Shrug, get busy or change the topic because everyone knows that ‘no answer means yes’.
Point number three: Use history – it always wins. Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from those days when you used to cause accidents. Of course it will now be too small, a fact that should bring temporal wrinkles on your face. While at it, suggest alternative dresses of that same generation, I am sure she still has them; women rarely part with memorable icons.
Point number four: Use reverse psychology. Complain about your own size and level of fitness and then draft plans to lose weight. Invite her to join you in the dietary and exercise regimes and you are half way there! When you rid the home of junk foods, you separate her from the baking powder, which could have led to the problem. And those men who are grinning at these aspirins should beware; when the tide turns and we begin talking about the obese ones, you will riot. But, I promise I won’t talk about your engines.