When is it acceptable to move on?

Oct 16, 2009

Reverend Diana Nkesiga <br>Vicar of All Saints church <br>It depends on the relationship, culture and timing. In some cultures, women wear black for a year. Marrying within a year raises eyebrows.

Reverend Diana Nkesiga
Vicar of All Saints church
It depends on the relationship, culture and timing. In some cultures, women wear black for a year. Marrying within a year raises eyebrows.

Three years is usually a considerable time. I usually advise against doing anything hurriedly, especially within the first year. Some people want to sell the house and car, which they later regret.

Grief is like a yoyo; you might think you are okay, only for it to return. Some people postpone the grieving process and remain in denial until reality hits later. Grief needs to be worked through so that it is not taken into the next marriage.

Most women, however, find it hard to get married again because of the children, especially when they are very young. Most cultures are supportive of men remarrying but not women. At All Saints Church, we have grief counselling sessions once every month, spreading out to eight months. The majority of those who attend are widows.

Apostle Alex Mitala,
Chairperson National fellowship of
Born again Churches
It depends on what kind of person you are talking about. Some already have someone before their partners die. Otherwise, it is biblically okay to remarry. A widow is under no cultural obligation to remain single because we believe that a woman is married to only one man and not his entire family. She is not even culturally bound to perform any rituals. She should, however, accept a marriage proposal from a saved man who doesn’t necessarily have to be a widower. The death of a husband spells financial doom for some women, who are incapable of supporting their families. I can’t say I know how long a person should wait before moving on. It requires common sense.

Remember it takes time to get on with life. There is also need to consult the older children. I don’t think it is right for a widow to bring her new husband into her late husband’s house. His will should be respected, especially when it comes to allocating property. There is also the need to agree with the children on when to move on.

Aloyious Matovu
Buganda kingdom’s
Commissioner for Education
A person who has lost a partner has to perform some cultural rituals. One of the most important rituals is to put a cloth on the deceased. Women are specifically required to pad themselves. This is done to stop the spirit of the deceased from returning to have sexual contact with the living spouse. A widow or widower can only remarry after the last funeral rites of the deceased are performed. I think a year is long enough to move on.

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