Only a back-stabber dates her friends’ ex

Jan 22, 2009

OK, so he is dishy, and a bit of eye candy any woman would want to take a bite out of, but he was with Clara only a few months ago. As a matter of fact, I know some of the ‘little, dirty’ tricks they got up to.

By Lucy Parwot

OK, so he is dishy, and a bit of eye candy any woman would want to take a bite out of, but he was with Clara only a few months ago. As a matter of fact, I know some of the ‘little, dirty’ tricks they got up to.

Maybe I have even thought a little: Why did he pick her and not me? Just once, I swear. Hey, cut me some slack, at least I am being honest.

Then he starts to drop hints at me, then those hints become huge nudges and I am thinking: God! What is he thinking? Clara and I are good friends. Then I think: ‘But Lord he is so fine.’

It is a tough battle, but at the end of the day, I slap myself upside the head and promptly say: ‘You know it cannot happen between you and me. It is just wrong.’

And the dude acts like I just spoke in Aramaic: “But don’t you feel anything, even a little. Come on, just a wee bit?”
My answer: ‘It still does not count. I just cannot do it and betray a friendship.’
And that is how it should be.

No dilly dallying or thinking about it; just plain ‘no’ and walk away, even if you are dying to turn back.

But, as always, there is no such thing as a perfect world and you will find the errant sister here and there who will not mind dating their friend’s ex. And this is a common phenomenon at the university — at least the one I attended.

One incidence that shocked me: This girl, we shall call her Bernice, was really ‘tight’ with Doreen, who had a boyfriend called Davis.

Doreen would always invite Bernice to join Davis and her when they would go out drinking or for lunch. It was a tightly-knit ‘threesome’. Doreen was in a class higher, so she left the university before her boyfriend and Bernice.

The rumour around the mill was that Doreen had another catch in town and would not be continuing with Davis off-campus.

So, in swoops Bernice to enjoy the rest of Davis and so she did for the next two-three years. But everyone’s response was: “Eh! Man! We thought those girls were buddies! Bernice is such a back-stabber.”

Some will say, well, Doreen has someone else. My answer is: ‘So what?’ It does not matter what she did, Bernice should have stuck to the code of friendship ethics — NEVER date your girlfriend’s ex.

Is it only me who sees there is something wrong here? Maybe I feel that way because my friends and I are really close and hooking up with their ex would be like me dating a man who previously dated my sister, eeuw! That is just straight up nasty!

Someone else will argue that the guy never did anything wrong and it was their friend who had ‘issues’, that the guy is, after all, a great catch.

I will stay say, “NO!” It even makes my skin crawl to think about it.I totally believe that your conscience has to have hardened over time or the people you call friends are not really your friends.

And the worst part for me about all this is that my over-active imagination will tell me that there was probably something going on between my ‘friend’ and him before we broke up.

This, in some cases, is not far from the truth. I know someone who broke up with her boyfriend and even before her heart was mended (six months later), he was walking down the aisle with a friend of hers (and former schoolmate).

I told the broken-hearted lass that they must have been getting their groove on, way before the break-up.

I could go on and on, but my ranting reveals how I feel about this whole thing. NO, NO, definitely, No! I rest my case.

Dos and don’ts of the game
For god sake, the man was dating your friend — not just any friend — one of your ‘tightest’ buddies.

She came to you for a shoulder to cry on when he was not treating her right and she shared intimate details of her relationship with you — some of it making you blush. How could you even consider giving in to his advances?

You see girls; we have to stick together in circumstances like this because when we do not, that is when men continue to behave the way they do.

Scripture could not have put it better: A house divided against itself cannot stand.
So, girlfriend, lock those feelings up and think about getting someone else.

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