Ask Aunt
Feb 20, 2009
My boyfriend is 31, I am 24. He says he loves me but he has children and he says he left the mother of the children.
I am afraid they are still in touch
Aunt Liz,
My boyfriend is 31, I am 24. He says he loves me but he has children and he says he left the mother of the children. I am worried that he could be deceiving me because, recently, he invited me to his sister’s wedding, only to find that this woman was also there. She knew almost all his relatives. I had to leave and go back home. He followed me till home telling me that he is not the one who invited her. I am caught up. He made me lose my former boyfriend and now he still has his wife. What do I do?
NW
Dear NW,
There are crossroads in life, where you feel trapped and never too sure which is the right route to take.
You sound uncertain about the position of your boyfriend. He says he loves you but is seemingly still in touch with the mother of his children. It is at such a point that you slow down and weigh what lies ahead of you. How long have you known your current boyfriend?
Is it clear to you why he left his wife? Has he shared any detail about this with you? How long had he related with his wife? Remember, such a bond is strong especially now that there are children, it even becomes stronger. This is not easy to break instantly.
You indicated that she seemed familiar with the relatives. Does this make you insecure? It is possible that she has related with the family long enough to get as close to them as you imagine. This too is not easy to cut off instantly. You need to understand that it is not your duty to detach this lady from your boyfriend. It is his responsibility for the good of his current relationship. It may be better to leave that to him, to avoid external conflict.
When you clearly know what you want in a relationship and stick to that, it brings you happiness. Sometimes you may not be sure you have found someone desirable. You keep hoping there could be someone better. This only gets you confused and you begin to live by chance which is unhealthy for any relationship.
For the moment, take time to observe. If he drifts to his former relationship, find it in your heart to let go. You could be saving yourself lifelong trouble. You need to be certain about your position vis his wife and children.
Your boyfriend may be in a tough position, don’t push too hard, you can’t fight for love. If it is yours, there is no doubt it will come to you.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor
Aunt Liz,
My boyfriend is 31, I am 24. He says he loves me but he has children and he says he left the mother of the children. I am worried that he could be deceiving me because, recently, he invited me to his sister’s wedding, only to find that this woman was also there. She knew almost all his relatives. I had to leave and go back home. He followed me till home telling me that he is not the one who invited her. I am caught up. He made me lose my former boyfriend and now he still has his wife. What do I do?
NW
Dear NW,
There are crossroads in life, where you feel trapped and never too sure which is the right route to take.
You sound uncertain about the position of your boyfriend. He says he loves you but is seemingly still in touch with the mother of his children. It is at such a point that you slow down and weigh what lies ahead of you. How long have you known your current boyfriend?
Is it clear to you why he left his wife? Has he shared any detail about this with you? How long had he related with his wife? Remember, such a bond is strong especially now that there are children, it even becomes stronger. This is not easy to break instantly.
You indicated that she seemed familiar with the relatives. Does this make you insecure? It is possible that she has related with the family long enough to get as close to them as you imagine. This too is not easy to cut off instantly. You need to understand that it is not your duty to detach this lady from your boyfriend. It is his responsibility for the good of his current relationship. It may be better to leave that to him, to avoid external conflict.
When you clearly know what you want in a relationship and stick to that, it brings you happiness. Sometimes you may not be sure you have found someone desirable. You keep hoping there could be someone better. This only gets you confused and you begin to live by chance which is unhealthy for any relationship.
For the moment, take time to observe. If he drifts to his former relationship, find it in your heart to let go. You could be saving yourself lifelong trouble. You need to be certain about your position vis his wife and children.
Your boyfriend may be in a tough position, don’t push too hard, you can’t fight for love. If it is yours, there is no doubt it will come to you.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor