How long should I wait to make love after childbirth?
YOU have delivered a baby and you would like to engage in the process that brought the baby –– sex. But there are many questions in your mind like: Is it safe to have sex?
BY FRED OUMA
WHEN TO REKINDLE YOUR SEX LIFE AFTER CHILDBIRTH DEPENDS ON YOU AND YOUR PARTNER
YOU have delivered a baby and you would like to engage in the process that brought the baby –– sex. But there are many questions in your mind like: Is it safe to have sex? Will it hurt? What if you are not interested? Here are answers to these questions about sex after childbirth.
Sex after pregnancy happens. Honestly! But first vaginal soreness is likely to take its toll. Childbirth is a traumatic process, where delicate vaginal tissues are bruised and torn – and it takes weeks or months for the wounds to heal.
Childbirth also involves considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. Therefore, it is important for both partners to realise that lovemaking may not go well in the first six weeks after the baby arrives.
So the million dollar question is: how soon can you resume having sex?
In general, whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, your body needs to heal first.
“There are no research-based studies that show an ideal waiting time, says Dr. Vincentina Achora, a gynaecologist at Kalongo Hospital. “The most important timeline is allowing women to choose when they wish to resume sex.
Some women feel ready to resume sex within a few weeks, while others need a few months. Factors such as fatigue and postpartum blues may take a toll on your sex drive.â€
Nonetheless, many doctors recommend waiting for at least six weeks before resuming sex. This, they contend, allows reasonable time for the cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop and any tears to heal.
WILL IT HURT?
Your vagina may be dry especially if you are breast-feeding. To ease any discomfort, experts advise taking it slow. “Start with cuddling, kissing or massage,†says Dr. Vincent Karuhanga of Friends’ Polyclinic.
“Gradually build the intensity of stimulation. Try different positions to take pressure off any sore areas. Tell your partner what feels good and what does not.â€
If vaginal dryness is a problem, use a lubricating cream. If sex hurts despite the use of a lubricant or vaginal discharge continues for several weeks after birth (if the discharge makes you feel sore or smelly), you may not have healed.
Any infection can be handled with a visit to your doctor, says Karuhanga.
It is also important to stay centred on the moment. “Remember that when it comes to resuming your sex life after the birth, it all depends on you and your partner,†says Julian Nkurayija, a psychologist.
“Keep your mind on yourself and your partner and not the diapers, laundry and other household chores.â€
However, if sex continues to be painful, consult your doctor. A low-dose estrogen cream applied to the vagina may help.
WILL IT FEEL DIFFERENT?
The vagina usually returns to its former shape soon after birth and your partner is unlikely to notice any difference.
However, after several vaginal deliveries decreased muscle tone in the vagina may reduce pleasurable friction during sex, which can influence arousal.
To tone your pelvic floor muscles, Robert Katsigazi, a physiotherapist with Fresco, advises doing kegel exercises. Simply tighten your pelvic muscles as if you are stopping a stream of urine.
Try it for five seconds at a time, four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.
“Do at least three sets of 10 kegels a day,†says Katsigazi. If you have concerns, however, speak with your doctor.
Additionally, your breasts may feel a little tender at first. Sexual arousal can cause milk to leak, too. Experts suggest trying to feed your baby before you make love to reduce leakage.
NOT IN THE MOOD
If you don’t fancy sex, don’t feel pressured into having it. Lots of women go off sex after birth, and approach it gently for a while.
Discuss it with your partner and be sensitive to each other. There is more to your relationship than sex. If you are not feeling sexy or are afraid sex will hurt, share these concerns with your partner.
Also share your feelings about your new roles as parents. Although your primary role models are likely to be your parents, you and your partner can adopt your own approach to parenthood.
Until you are ready to have sex, maintain intimacy in other ways, Nkurayija says. “Spend time together without the baby. Make short phone calls throughout the day or occasional soaks in the tub or bathroom.â€
Just remember to attend to the spark that brought you together in the first place by staying close to your partner emotionally and remain patient; your sex life will probably resume gradually.
If communicating with your partner does not help, Dr. Fred Kigozi, a consultant psychiatrist at Butabika Mental Hospital, advises to be alert for signs of postpartum depression.
“If your mood is consistently low or you have trouble summoning the energy to start a new day, contact your doctor promptly,†he says.
HOW TO BOOST SEX DRIVE
Go easy. Set reasonable expectations as you adjust to parenthood. Appreciate the changes in your body. Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of fluids. Include physical activity in your routine.
Rest as much as possible. Spend some time alone. According to doctors, taking good care of yourself can go a long way in keeping the passion alive.
Also discuss your feelings with your partner and take things as fast or as slowly as you want, says Dr. Kakande.
If you are still not interested in sex after a few months, and it is worrying either of you, talk to your doctor.
PARTNER’S PERSPECTIVE
With all the ups and downs that come with parenthood, you may be wondering when you and your partner will revive the intimacy you had before the baby. Discuss your feelings with your partner.
“Be as understanding as possible and spend time as a couple,†concludes Dr. Kigozi.
WHEN TO REKINDLE YOUR SEX LIFE AFTER CHILDBIRTH DEPENDS ON YOU AND YOUR PARTNER
YOU have delivered a baby and you would like to engage in the process that brought the baby –– sex. But there are many questions in your mind like: Is it safe to have sex? Will it hurt? What if you are not interested? Here are answers to these questions about sex after childbirth.
Sex after pregnancy happens. Honestly! But first vaginal soreness is likely to take its toll. Childbirth is a traumatic process, where delicate vaginal tissues are bruised and torn – and it takes weeks or months for the wounds to heal.
Childbirth also involves considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. Therefore, it is important for both partners to realise that lovemaking may not go well in the first six weeks after the baby arrives.
So the million dollar question is: how soon can you resume having sex?
In general, whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, your body needs to heal first.
“There are no research-based studies that show an ideal waiting time, says Dr. Vincentina Achora, a gynaecologist at Kalongo Hospital. “The most important timeline is allowing women to choose when they wish to resume sex.
Some women feel ready to resume sex within a few weeks, while others need a few months. Factors such as fatigue and postpartum blues may take a toll on your sex drive.â€
Nonetheless, many doctors recommend waiting for at least six weeks before resuming sex. This, they contend, allows reasonable time for the cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop and any tears to heal.
WILL IT HURT?
Your vagina may be dry especially if you are breast-feeding. To ease any discomfort, experts advise taking it slow. “Start with cuddling, kissing or massage,†says Dr. Vincent Karuhanga of Friends’ Polyclinic.
“Gradually build the intensity of stimulation. Try different positions to take pressure off any sore areas. Tell your partner what feels good and what does not.â€
If vaginal dryness is a problem, use a lubricating cream. If sex hurts despite the use of a lubricant or vaginal discharge continues for several weeks after birth (if the discharge makes you feel sore or smelly), you may not have healed.
Any infection can be handled with a visit to your doctor, says Karuhanga.
It is also important to stay centred on the moment. “Remember that when it comes to resuming your sex life after the birth, it all depends on you and your partner,†says Julian Nkurayija, a psychologist.
“Keep your mind on yourself and your partner and not the diapers, laundry and other household chores.â€
However, if sex continues to be painful, consult your doctor. A low-dose estrogen cream applied to the vagina may help.
WILL IT FEEL DIFFERENT?
The vagina usually returns to its former shape soon after birth and your partner is unlikely to notice any difference.
However, after several vaginal deliveries decreased muscle tone in the vagina may reduce pleasurable friction during sex, which can influence arousal.
To tone your pelvic floor muscles, Robert Katsigazi, a physiotherapist with Fresco, advises doing kegel exercises. Simply tighten your pelvic muscles as if you are stopping a stream of urine.
Try it for five seconds at a time, four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.
“Do at least three sets of 10 kegels a day,†says Katsigazi. If you have concerns, however, speak with your doctor.
Additionally, your breasts may feel a little tender at first. Sexual arousal can cause milk to leak, too. Experts suggest trying to feed your baby before you make love to reduce leakage.
NOT IN THE MOOD
If you don’t fancy sex, don’t feel pressured into having it. Lots of women go off sex after birth, and approach it gently for a while.
Discuss it with your partner and be sensitive to each other. There is more to your relationship than sex. If you are not feeling sexy or are afraid sex will hurt, share these concerns with your partner.
Also share your feelings about your new roles as parents. Although your primary role models are likely to be your parents, you and your partner can adopt your own approach to parenthood.
Until you are ready to have sex, maintain intimacy in other ways, Nkurayija says. “Spend time together without the baby. Make short phone calls throughout the day or occasional soaks in the tub or bathroom.â€
Just remember to attend to the spark that brought you together in the first place by staying close to your partner emotionally and remain patient; your sex life will probably resume gradually.
If communicating with your partner does not help, Dr. Fred Kigozi, a consultant psychiatrist at Butabika Mental Hospital, advises to be alert for signs of postpartum depression.
“If your mood is consistently low or you have trouble summoning the energy to start a new day, contact your doctor promptly,†he says.
HOW TO BOOST SEX DRIVE
Go easy. Set reasonable expectations as you adjust to parenthood. Appreciate the changes in your body. Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of fluids. Include physical activity in your routine.
Rest as much as possible. Spend some time alone. According to doctors, taking good care of yourself can go a long way in keeping the passion alive.
Also discuss your feelings with your partner and take things as fast or as slowly as you want, says Dr. Kakande.
If you are still not interested in sex after a few months, and it is worrying either of you, talk to your doctor.
PARTNER’S PERSPECTIVE
With all the ups and downs that come with parenthood, you may be wondering when you and your partner will revive the intimacy you had before the baby. Discuss your feelings with your partner.
“Be as understanding as possible and spend time as a couple,†concludes Dr. Kigozi.