She wanted to leave due to poverty
Mar 20, 2009
Aunt Liz,<br>I have been married for 16 years. I married my wife when she had finished S4 and promised to take her back to school, which I did, eight years into our marriage. My income later reduced due to family needs. She finished her studies and I got
Aunt Liz,
I have been married for 16 years. I married my wife when she had finished S4 and promised to take her back to school, which I did, eight years into our marriage. My income later reduced due to family needs. She finished her studies and I got her a teaching job in my home district.
When our first daughter finished P7, she was admitted in a school that demanded a lot of school fees. My wife declined to make any contributions, preferring to go for her upgrading. She later threatened to leave ‘because I was poor’.
I eventually gave up teaching and relocated abroad for a better job. I got it and in my first year, I completed our family house, paid tuition for all our three children up to a year and met all the school requirements, bought land and invested in some other business. I never hid anything from her; I would pass the construction money through her. She refused to talk to me on phone, when I had just gone abroad, until the time I called again through a friend, to tell her to go to bank and pick money to start work on the house.
When I called her again, she was too humble and talked endlessly, but I was already fed up. I don’t call her regularly because I want to save some money. She now complains about it. Please advise.
Concerned Jonne.
Dear Jonne,
I appreciate your hard work and devotion towards your family. It takes sacrifice and determination to get to where you are. You must be feeling disappointed that all that you invested in the relationship doesn’t seem to be appreciated. There are a few thoughts for you to ponder as you try to answer your so many questions.
Your wife has supported you in your projects and cared for the children while you are away. Would she do all this without any value attached to the relationship?
You said your wife threatened to leave. Love is vulnerable to financial hardships. When you marry a woman, she expects enough money to make her happy. When it’s not enough, temptations set in. This can be resolved by honesty. Share the unhappy feelings although they hurt.
Could your wife be insecure because you have suddenly kept some issues secret from her?
Why have you suddenly refrained? Would you want to see the trust that you have built all these years suddenly crumble? How about the children? If you are legally married, then it may not be so easy to just walk away.
You may desire someone else but may be not too soon. Give it time as you sort out your immediate relationship with your wife and children. Do you still love your wife after all this? Talk to her openly about your feelings. If it’s unfruitful, seek the support of a counselor.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor
I have been married for 16 years. I married my wife when she had finished S4 and promised to take her back to school, which I did, eight years into our marriage. My income later reduced due to family needs. She finished her studies and I got her a teaching job in my home district.
When our first daughter finished P7, she was admitted in a school that demanded a lot of school fees. My wife declined to make any contributions, preferring to go for her upgrading. She later threatened to leave ‘because I was poor’.
I eventually gave up teaching and relocated abroad for a better job. I got it and in my first year, I completed our family house, paid tuition for all our three children up to a year and met all the school requirements, bought land and invested in some other business. I never hid anything from her; I would pass the construction money through her. She refused to talk to me on phone, when I had just gone abroad, until the time I called again through a friend, to tell her to go to bank and pick money to start work on the house.
When I called her again, she was too humble and talked endlessly, but I was already fed up. I don’t call her regularly because I want to save some money. She now complains about it. Please advise.
Concerned Jonne.
Dear Jonne,
I appreciate your hard work and devotion towards your family. It takes sacrifice and determination to get to where you are. You must be feeling disappointed that all that you invested in the relationship doesn’t seem to be appreciated. There are a few thoughts for you to ponder as you try to answer your so many questions.
Your wife has supported you in your projects and cared for the children while you are away. Would she do all this without any value attached to the relationship?
You said your wife threatened to leave. Love is vulnerable to financial hardships. When you marry a woman, she expects enough money to make her happy. When it’s not enough, temptations set in. This can be resolved by honesty. Share the unhappy feelings although they hurt.
Could your wife be insecure because you have suddenly kept some issues secret from her?
Why have you suddenly refrained? Would you want to see the trust that you have built all these years suddenly crumble? How about the children? If you are legally married, then it may not be so easy to just walk away.
You may desire someone else but may be not too soon. Give it time as you sort out your immediate relationship with your wife and children. Do you still love your wife after all this? Talk to her openly about your feelings. If it’s unfruitful, seek the support of a counselor.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor