I have his child but no love for him
Apr 24, 2009
Dear Aunt Liz,<br>I am an attractive lady, 20. In my S.6 vacation, I met a handsome Somali, in early 30s. I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby. He told me his father died but only has uncles, whom he has also never seen.
Dear Aunt Liz,
I am an attractive lady, 20. In my S.6 vacation, I met a handsome Somali, in early 30s. I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby. He told me his father died but only has uncles, whom he has also never seen.
When the mother said she would take us to look for the place, the man refused, saying he was old enough to live on his own. We are staying in Kampala and he also works around Kampala .
Recently, I met a long time boyfriend who had promised to marry me. But we had lost contact. He told me he loves my kid as well. The love for my husband is not intimate at all. Please advise.
Joan
Dear Joan,
Falling out of love can sometimes be just as easy as falling in love. It can be confusing, that is why you seem to be hassling with choice between your husband and ex-boyfriend. Are there some signals that tell you - “it is over’? You indicated that you don’t feel intimate with him, yet initially his appearance drew you closer to him. What could be the reason for sudden change? Does his financial status make you insecure?
You were only three months into the relationship and conceived. It pays to spend time to get to know each other. Your level of interest in his family is part of getting acquainted with your partner. Time helps you grow to appreciate and accept your partner. Probably the period was too short for you to grow intimate, but however short it may be, it is not easy to end a relationship.
It is important to carefully think through a decision before you make it. Have you thought about what will happen to your child? Does your husband know about your change of heart? You have his child, so it’s important to discuss the way forward.
Leaving your husband could mean that you may raise this child alone or with someone who isn’t her father. Your boyfriend also says he loves the child. This is a good signal but make sure it’s not just a means to win you back. It takes a big heart to love a child who is not yours. You may have great plans, but don’t be in a hurry if you want what is best for you.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor
I am an attractive lady, 20. In my S.6 vacation, I met a handsome Somali, in early 30s. I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby. He told me his father died but only has uncles, whom he has also never seen.
When the mother said she would take us to look for the place, the man refused, saying he was old enough to live on his own. We are staying in Kampala and he also works around Kampala .
Recently, I met a long time boyfriend who had promised to marry me. But we had lost contact. He told me he loves my kid as well. The love for my husband is not intimate at all. Please advise.
Joan
Dear Joan,
Falling out of love can sometimes be just as easy as falling in love. It can be confusing, that is why you seem to be hassling with choice between your husband and ex-boyfriend. Are there some signals that tell you - “it is over’? You indicated that you don’t feel intimate with him, yet initially his appearance drew you closer to him. What could be the reason for sudden change? Does his financial status make you insecure?
You were only three months into the relationship and conceived. It pays to spend time to get to know each other. Your level of interest in his family is part of getting acquainted with your partner. Time helps you grow to appreciate and accept your partner. Probably the period was too short for you to grow intimate, but however short it may be, it is not easy to end a relationship.
It is important to carefully think through a decision before you make it. Have you thought about what will happen to your child? Does your husband know about your change of heart? You have his child, so it’s important to discuss the way forward.
Leaving your husband could mean that you may raise this child alone or with someone who isn’t her father. Your boyfriend also says he loves the child. This is a good signal but make sure it’s not just a means to win you back. It takes a big heart to love a child who is not yours. You may have great plans, but don’t be in a hurry if you want what is best for you.
Aunt Liz is a professional counsellor