You Ask Us
Oct 26, 2007
<b>Dear aunt,<br>I have been in love with a man for two years and now he has left me in tears. I don’t want to leave him. Please help me.<br>Esther</b><br><br>Dear Esther,<br>Breaking up brings a mixture of feelings. You must be feeling angry and even guilty for having failed to save this rel
Dear aunt,
I have been in love with a man for two years and now he has left me in tears. I don’t want to leave him. Please help me.
Esther
Dear Esther,
Breaking up brings a mixture of feelings. You must be feeling angry and even guilty for having failed to save this relationship. You have not mentioned what happened or what might have caused this breakup. Do you see yourself as partly responsible or do you blame it on your boyfriend?
Remember that just like it takes two people to build a relationship, a breakup cannot be a responsibility of one party. Assess the situation and find out your role in the failure of this relationship. Even in the worst of breakups, there is always something to learn if you do not focus on apportioning the blame. You need to believe that you are good enough for another man.
Dear aunt,
I just can’t get myself involved in an affair for more than six months. I easily get bored with the lady and call it quits. I know it is natural for boredom to set in sometimes, but for my case, it seems too frequent. In spite of this, I attract a bit of attention from women on a regular basis. Could this be a contributing factor?
Gordon
Dear Gordon,
Keeping a relationship exciting is a skill that is learnt. It is clear from your letter that you often initiate the breakups, perhaps against the lady’s will. Do you see a girlfriend as an opportunity to have sex at leisure or a comrade to support you emotionally? Many men develop a great passion for a love relationship while still ‘enjoying the chase’. However, after conquering and perhaps having sex, they lose passion and boredom sets in. Do you rush in for sex too soon before getting to understand the lady? Inability to settle down in a relationship might also have roots in your family upbringing. Were you brought up by your mother? If so, what is your relationship with her like? A poor relationship with a mother or a female caretaker during your early childhood might be a contributing factor. This problem might make it difficult for you to settle in a marriage. You need a change of lifestyle and attitude. Face-to-face counselling with a professional counsellor would be of help.
I have been in love with a man for two years and now he has left me in tears. I don’t want to leave him. Please help me.
Esther
Dear Esther,
Breaking up brings a mixture of feelings. You must be feeling angry and even guilty for having failed to save this relationship. You have not mentioned what happened or what might have caused this breakup. Do you see yourself as partly responsible or do you blame it on your boyfriend?
Remember that just like it takes two people to build a relationship, a breakup cannot be a responsibility of one party. Assess the situation and find out your role in the failure of this relationship. Even in the worst of breakups, there is always something to learn if you do not focus on apportioning the blame. You need to believe that you are good enough for another man.
Dear aunt,
I just can’t get myself involved in an affair for more than six months. I easily get bored with the lady and call it quits. I know it is natural for boredom to set in sometimes, but for my case, it seems too frequent. In spite of this, I attract a bit of attention from women on a regular basis. Could this be a contributing factor?
Gordon
Dear Gordon,
Keeping a relationship exciting is a skill that is learnt. It is clear from your letter that you often initiate the breakups, perhaps against the lady’s will. Do you see a girlfriend as an opportunity to have sex at leisure or a comrade to support you emotionally? Many men develop a great passion for a love relationship while still ‘enjoying the chase’. However, after conquering and perhaps having sex, they lose passion and boredom sets in. Do you rush in for sex too soon before getting to understand the lady? Inability to settle down in a relationship might also have roots in your family upbringing. Were you brought up by your mother? If so, what is your relationship with her like? A poor relationship with a mother or a female caretaker during your early childhood might be a contributing factor. This problem might make it difficult for you to settle in a marriage. You need a change of lifestyle and attitude. Face-to-face counselling with a professional counsellor would be of help.