You Ask Us
Nov 23, 2007
<b>Dear aunt,<br>I have been dating my boyfriend for the last 10 years and we deeply love each other. He is two years younger than me. I would like to first introduce him to my parents and wed him before I can have a baby
Dear aunt,
I have been dating my boyfriend for the last 10 years and we deeply love each other. He is two years younger than me. I would like to first introduce him to my parents and wed him before I can have a baby. But whenever I mention this he tells me that he still wants to study. Should I drop him and get another guy who is willing to marry me? I am growing old but I cannot do much because the Bible does not allow me to have children before I get married. Please help me.
L.K
Dear L.K,
It is difficult to make out exactly what you mean by the word ‘dating’ in this context and how intimate you have been relating with this man. Although there is no prescribed duration for courtship, a courtship that stretches to a decade might mean that the relationship is not progressing hence marriage plans are not anywhere within reach.
How well do you communicate? The fact that he does not see the need to meet your parents might mean that marriage is not a priority to him as it is to you. His perspective might also mean that you have not bonded emotionally. The maturity of a relationship is not determined by years but by the quality of time spent together. Be more open and discuss the future of your relationship. Your perception of marriage also seems to be limited to ‘acquisition’ of children. Marriage is more than this. Seek professional counselling to deal with these issues.
Dear aunt,
I had a girlfriend whom I dated for three years and I wanted to marry her. However, her parents intervened and got her another man. She, however, told me that she did not love the man but had no option as she could not disobey her parents. She claimed that due to the parents’ pressure, she would get married to the man and escape later and come back to me. We still love each other deeply and I am at a loss. What do we do?
H.B
Dear H.B,
Your question implies that your girlfriend’s parents did not know about your relationship. It might also mean that there is a communication problem in your girlfriend’s family. Your girlfriend should understand that turning a relationship on and off like a tap has serious emotional consequences. Has your girlfriend thought about the possibility of developing feelings for that man and preferring him to you? Given that you hardly understand the sexual lifestyle of the other man, there are great risks involved in welcoming her back to your life. Getting married to a man just to please her parents indicates that your partner is not emotionally mature. Both of you need professional counselling to help you chart a way forward.
I have been dating my boyfriend for the last 10 years and we deeply love each other. He is two years younger than me. I would like to first introduce him to my parents and wed him before I can have a baby. But whenever I mention this he tells me that he still wants to study. Should I drop him and get another guy who is willing to marry me? I am growing old but I cannot do much because the Bible does not allow me to have children before I get married. Please help me.
L.K
Dear L.K,
It is difficult to make out exactly what you mean by the word ‘dating’ in this context and how intimate you have been relating with this man. Although there is no prescribed duration for courtship, a courtship that stretches to a decade might mean that the relationship is not progressing hence marriage plans are not anywhere within reach.
How well do you communicate? The fact that he does not see the need to meet your parents might mean that marriage is not a priority to him as it is to you. His perspective might also mean that you have not bonded emotionally. The maturity of a relationship is not determined by years but by the quality of time spent together. Be more open and discuss the future of your relationship. Your perception of marriage also seems to be limited to ‘acquisition’ of children. Marriage is more than this. Seek professional counselling to deal with these issues.
Dear aunt,
I had a girlfriend whom I dated for three years and I wanted to marry her. However, her parents intervened and got her another man. She, however, told me that she did not love the man but had no option as she could not disobey her parents. She claimed that due to the parents’ pressure, she would get married to the man and escape later and come back to me. We still love each other deeply and I am at a loss. What do we do?
H.B
Dear H.B,
Your question implies that your girlfriend’s parents did not know about your relationship. It might also mean that there is a communication problem in your girlfriend’s family. Your girlfriend should understand that turning a relationship on and off like a tap has serious emotional consequences. Has your girlfriend thought about the possibility of developing feelings for that man and preferring him to you? Given that you hardly understand the sexual lifestyle of the other man, there are great risks involved in welcoming her back to your life. Getting married to a man just to please her parents indicates that your partner is not emotionally mature. Both of you need professional counselling to help you chart a way forward.