You Ask Us
Nov 30, 2007
<b>Dear aunt, <br>I have a guy I love deeply and I would like to settle down with him. The only challenge is that he has been disappointed in his previous relationships so much that he has lost trust for ladies. Because of this, he needs a baby first as an assurance.
Dear aunt,
I have a guy I love deeply and I would like to settle down with him. The only challenge is that he has been disappointed in his previous relationships so much that he has lost trust for ladies. Because of this, he needs a baby first as an assurance. I feel he should meet my parents first but he looks reluctant.
K.C
Dear K.C,
The idea of settling down comes only after a relationship has matured. The fact that your guy needs a baby first shows he doesn’t trust you. Using a baby as bait in a relationship might be counterproductive. There is no guarantee that he cannot marry somebody else even after you have given him a baby. From your statement, it appears you are trying to bind each other in the relationship. This is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust that might haunt you even after marriage.
The most important thing in a relationship is not a baby or taking the man home, but intimacy. It is the stability of your relationship that you need to work at first. Haven’t you seen cases where marriages collapse during the first year after wedding? Does he love you as much? Rushing to formalise a relationship with no foundation is like roofing a house without walls. It might not last.
Dear Aunt,
I am a young lady and I got involved with a man who has three kids. He had separated from his wife but was still looking young. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him but my dad refused. I have another boyfriend, but up to now I am still thinking of the first man. Worse still, the first guy still loves me. Whenever I am having sex with my new lover, I cannot reach climax without thinking about the first man. I really love the first man and I am losing feelings for my current lover. What do I do?
L.D
Dear L.D,
Although your father barred your first boyfriend from marrying you, it seems you have failed to let the relationship go. You need to understand that physical separation in a relationship doesn’t guarantee emotional separation. In spite of being with a ‘new catch’, you are still emotionally ‘married’ to your first guy. Love grows naturally, and you cannot push it where it doesn’t exist. Being in a relationship while your emotions are deeply invested in another man amounts to self-deception or operating behind mask. It is difficult for you to sustain this relationship for long before your feelings take their toll on you. Have you imagined what your new lover would do if he discovered that your feelings were heavily invested in another man? There are risks involved in whichever path you choose. You should also consider the risks you face by being involved sexually with more than one partner.
I have a guy I love deeply and I would like to settle down with him. The only challenge is that he has been disappointed in his previous relationships so much that he has lost trust for ladies. Because of this, he needs a baby first as an assurance. I feel he should meet my parents first but he looks reluctant.
K.C
Dear K.C,
The idea of settling down comes only after a relationship has matured. The fact that your guy needs a baby first shows he doesn’t trust you. Using a baby as bait in a relationship might be counterproductive. There is no guarantee that he cannot marry somebody else even after you have given him a baby. From your statement, it appears you are trying to bind each other in the relationship. This is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust that might haunt you even after marriage.
The most important thing in a relationship is not a baby or taking the man home, but intimacy. It is the stability of your relationship that you need to work at first. Haven’t you seen cases where marriages collapse during the first year after wedding? Does he love you as much? Rushing to formalise a relationship with no foundation is like roofing a house without walls. It might not last.
Dear Aunt,
I am a young lady and I got involved with a man who has three kids. He had separated from his wife but was still looking young. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him but my dad refused. I have another boyfriend, but up to now I am still thinking of the first man. Worse still, the first guy still loves me. Whenever I am having sex with my new lover, I cannot reach climax without thinking about the first man. I really love the first man and I am losing feelings for my current lover. What do I do?
L.D
Dear L.D,
Although your father barred your first boyfriend from marrying you, it seems you have failed to let the relationship go. You need to understand that physical separation in a relationship doesn’t guarantee emotional separation. In spite of being with a ‘new catch’, you are still emotionally ‘married’ to your first guy. Love grows naturally, and you cannot push it where it doesn’t exist. Being in a relationship while your emotions are deeply invested in another man amounts to self-deception or operating behind mask. It is difficult for you to sustain this relationship for long before your feelings take their toll on you. Have you imagined what your new lover would do if he discovered that your feelings were heavily invested in another man? There are risks involved in whichever path you choose. You should also consider the risks you face by being involved sexually with more than one partner.