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Tuesday,December 01,2020 03:03 AM

You Ask Us

By Vision Reporter

Added 14th December 2007 03:00 AM

Dear aunt,
I hate anything in a skirt and I have no business with them. I paid fees for my girlfriend in college, bought her a phone and met all her financial needs. I was doing all this with hopes that I would share a future with her. In return, she dropped me and I later discovered that she

Dear aunt,
I hate anything in a skirt and I have no business with them. I paid fees for my girlfriend in college, bought her a phone and met all her financial needs. I was doing all this with hopes that I would share a future with her. In return, she dropped me and I later discovered that she

Dear aunt,
I hate anything in a skirt and I have no business with them. I paid fees for my girlfriend in college, bought her a phone and met all her financial needs. I was doing all this with hopes that I would share a future with her. In return, she dropped me and I later discovered that she had a secret affair with another rich man. I cannot forgive her for using and dumping me.
B.K,


Dear B.K,
You must be regretting all that you did for this girl in the name of love. The fact that she has dropped you in favour of a rich man does not mean there is something wrong with you. Even where love dictates, investing in a lady with whom you do not have any serious bonds is a big risk. A relationship operated on cash and material things stands on a shaky ground. The fact that she retained a secret affair with a ‘rich man’ in spite of your continuous support might mean that she was out to reap big than to share love. Would you have loved to share your life with such a lady? Bad as you perceive it, your girlfriend’s behaviour cannot be generalised to all ladies because not all ladies are like that. A face- to- face session with a professional counsellor will help deal with your bitterness. Remember that even in the most painful experiences, there are golden lessons to be learnt.


Dear aunt,
I am 19 year old and I have been deeply in love with a 23 year old guy. Our relationship is now eight months old but we have never had sex. In fact I am still a virgin. He is a caring guy and I really love him. Of late, he is pressuring me to have sex but I feel I should only lose my virginity to a man I intend to share my life with. I also fear getting pregnant yet I wouldn’t like to lose this guy. What do I do?
H.N,


Dear H.N,
Have you ever shared your values with this guy? A man who truly loves you should respect your values. By demanding for sex, your boyfriend is exerting undue emotional pressure on you.
At your age, relationship should help you develop interpersonal skills in readiness for future adult roles. Contrary to what many teenagers believe, sex is not mere fun but a responsibility. What is of utmost importance for you now? Is it completing your studies, emotional commitment or both? Can you handle both at a go? Make your boyfriend aware that you are uncomfortable with sexual involvement. There is time for sex and you both have a future to prepare for. Fearing to lose him might also be a symptom of low self-esteem on your part. That fear also makes you vulnerable to both emotional and physical abuse. Remember, there is something precious in you that you should not allow any man to misuse.

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