Give me my space anytime
ALL ye old school fans, join me in singing this famous verse by the 1990s R&B outfit, Az Yet. “Everybody needs a little time away… from each other… even lovers need a holiday (insert baritone) dooh dooh dooh... Far away from the ones they love...â€
By A. Balimwikungu
ALL ye old school fans, join me in singing this famous verse by the 1990s R&B outfit, Az Yet. “Everybody needs a little time away… from each other… even lovers need a holiday (insert baritone) dooh dooh dooh... Far away from the ones they love...†If you are not familiar with that one, let me bring you closer home.
When Uganda’s dancehall queen, Bella, chanted “Njagala Faasi (I want space), do you think she wanted more legroom for her long femurs on the dance floor?
No! Bella is one of the few wise ladies who realised lovers need sometime alone; she even put it in song. Not done, she practised what she preached when she recently kwanjulad (introduced) her future husband in absentia!
A neatly-framed picture of the smiling husband, a thousand kisses from the smitten bride to the picture frame and deafening ululations rented the air.
If most ladies were like Bella?... For those who do not know her, Bella is a living icon and every man’s dream.
Ask any man, married, single or dating and they will secretly confess to you that they would even pay to get their breathing space, but still maintain the relationship.
Sadly for many, breathing space is not what any legal tender can buy. Every woman knows a man needs his space.
However, they have resorted to the famed muntu ku muntu (tight marking); insisting you should be around them all the time and vice versa, without according you enough time to miss them.
Some ladies can mean to be all over you like a bad rash; they hang out with you every single day, every night, basically all the time.
As a result, you are left with no option, but to think about them, think for them and think because of them.
Ladies, let us face it. No matter how happy a relationship is, once in a while a man will want to be able to spend quality time with his friends, admire an attractive girl with them and even make some naughty remarks without you being around to spoil it for him.
Sadly, not many understand this. As soon as she hears “spaceâ€, she will automatically think you want to date other girls or probably you already have one picked out.
It does not seem to matter how many times you tell her to the contrary.
“As for you, you are not a gentleman. You are simply male.†The words were recently thrown at me in a heated argument after suggesting I was off for a beer with the boys.
“As a male species, your role only ends at impregnating. You are not like Salvador,†she said.
I do not know much about this Salvador character; but from the little I made of the situation, Salvador goes with his wife for beer.
Off we went. She regretted following me. The only lady among nine men, moreover taking soda, she came under a barrage of questions and was visibly uncomfortable.
From then on, she never stands in my way and neither do I when her church cell group congregates at home for weekly prayer routine.
Have you noticed that the most times women are on the phone finding out where and what their man is up to during girls’ night out?
Which reminds me; before we meet our respective partners don’t we have our own friends who are equally important? Why should I abandon my friends just because I have found someone new?
Why don’t women understand that these friends were perhaps there before them and will probably be after they leave?
Sadly, there are some male dumb sufferers who never gather the courage to tell the women in their lives they need some space. They live with the discomfort and suffer the indignity of being remote controlled.
I believe being together all the time gives room for boredom and automatically kills the chemistry. You will be shocked to learn that the reason most people cheat is because of the ‘always available’ partners.
Joseph Tazuba, a marriage counsellor, backs me. He says when a man realises the lady is no longer a challenge in any way, (which is brought by the ever present factor and seeking attention), it starts to bore him.
For the unmarried men, if you feel your space has been violated, there is no harm if you reply, “adieuâ€, instead of “I do†at the altar.
What is the point living with someone you love, but cannot stand?
ALL ye old school fans, join me in singing this famous verse by the 1990s R&B outfit, Az Yet. “Everybody needs a little time away… from each other… even lovers need a holiday (insert baritone) dooh dooh dooh... Far away from the ones they love...†If you are not familiar with that one, let me bring you closer home.
When Uganda’s dancehall queen, Bella, chanted “Njagala Faasi (I want space), do you think she wanted more legroom for her long femurs on the dance floor?
No! Bella is one of the few wise ladies who realised lovers need sometime alone; she even put it in song. Not done, she practised what she preached when she recently kwanjulad (introduced) her future husband in absentia!
A neatly-framed picture of the smiling husband, a thousand kisses from the smitten bride to the picture frame and deafening ululations rented the air.
If most ladies were like Bella?... For those who do not know her, Bella is a living icon and every man’s dream.
Ask any man, married, single or dating and they will secretly confess to you that they would even pay to get their breathing space, but still maintain the relationship.
Sadly for many, breathing space is not what any legal tender can buy. Every woman knows a man needs his space.
However, they have resorted to the famed muntu ku muntu (tight marking); insisting you should be around them all the time and vice versa, without according you enough time to miss them.
Some ladies can mean to be all over you like a bad rash; they hang out with you every single day, every night, basically all the time.
As a result, you are left with no option, but to think about them, think for them and think because of them.
Ladies, let us face it. No matter how happy a relationship is, once in a while a man will want to be able to spend quality time with his friends, admire an attractive girl with them and even make some naughty remarks without you being around to spoil it for him.
Sadly, not many understand this. As soon as she hears “spaceâ€, she will automatically think you want to date other girls or probably you already have one picked out.
It does not seem to matter how many times you tell her to the contrary.
“As for you, you are not a gentleman. You are simply male.†The words were recently thrown at me in a heated argument after suggesting I was off for a beer with the boys.
“As a male species, your role only ends at impregnating. You are not like Salvador,†she said.
I do not know much about this Salvador character; but from the little I made of the situation, Salvador goes with his wife for beer.
Off we went. She regretted following me. The only lady among nine men, moreover taking soda, she came under a barrage of questions and was visibly uncomfortable.
From then on, she never stands in my way and neither do I when her church cell group congregates at home for weekly prayer routine.
Have you noticed that the most times women are on the phone finding out where and what their man is up to during girls’ night out?
Which reminds me; before we meet our respective partners don’t we have our own friends who are equally important? Why should I abandon my friends just because I have found someone new?
Why don’t women understand that these friends were perhaps there before them and will probably be after they leave?
Sadly, there are some male dumb sufferers who never gather the courage to tell the women in their lives they need some space. They live with the discomfort and suffer the indignity of being remote controlled.
I believe being together all the time gives room for boredom and automatically kills the chemistry. You will be shocked to learn that the reason most people cheat is because of the ‘always available’ partners.
Joseph Tazuba, a marriage counsellor, backs me. He says when a man realises the lady is no longer a challenge in any way, (which is brought by the ever present factor and seeking attention), it starts to bore him.
For the unmarried men, if you feel your space has been violated, there is no harm if you reply, “adieuâ€, instead of “I do†at the altar.
What is the point living with someone you love, but cannot stand?