Getting even- Is it worth the trouble?
Jul 16, 2009
HEAVEN has no rage like love turned to hate, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned, a wise man once said. Losing someone you love hurts; probably as much as having your eyes poked out or walking on hot coals. It hurts even more when they cheated on you. <
By Anne Kirya
HEAVEN has no rage like love turned to hate, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned, a wise man once said. Losing someone you love hurts; probably as much as having your eyes poked out or walking on hot coals. It hurts even more when they cheated on you.
Do you retaliate and hurt that person too? Burn his clothes, spread dirty rumours about her, beat up her new man or smash the windows of his car? (That’s my favourite). Will it actually make you feel any better? Jean believed it would.
Her man, whom she had been with for two years and obviously loved, woke up one morning, out of the blue and broke the news that he was leaving her.
It came as a big shock. Days later, to prove his point, he invited his new girl to move in with him, thus showing Jean the door. Licking her wounds and salvaging her pride, she decided to bow out gracefully.
When she went to pick her things from his house, the new girl’s clothes were right on top of hers. All thoughts of grace vanished from her mind.
Without thinking too much about it, she grabbed paraffin and proceeded to set the bed and everything on it on fire. She was never really violent. I suppose that is why she called him and calmly informed him that his house would soon be on fire.
Destroying his things made her extremely happy, but in the long run, she was just filled with shame. Getting over him took a while, but she managed it, gracefully this time.
In some cases, the pattern is pain, more pain, anger and numbness before ultimately moving on. For others, however, the numbness is replaced by a burning desire to get revenge.
I think that age-old saying should be updated and read thus…nor hell a fury like a man/woman scorned.
Although many men argue that they would simply walk away, cases of nude photos sent by spurned boyfriends to the papers reads something else.
Mark confesses to spending a lot of time scheming to pay his ex back for breaking his heart. He planned to date her sister and embarrass her in public.
With time, though, he laughed at himself for even considering the things he did. But is it worth it?
Edward Lukabala, a counsellor, warns against the eye-for-an-eye concept.
“It is a double risk and in hurting a partner you would end up hurting yourself too,†he cautions.
People are different and while some people are cool-headed enough to turn their backs and await the healing process, others believe in getting even.
Letting out your anger is a good step towards healing, but blind rage can lead you to do things you later regret.
Henry Nsubuga, another counsellor, warns that the harm you may cause extends far beyond the physical.
Forget being locked up in jail, you may now be known by everyone as the man who undressed his wife in public.
“Anger is an emotion and, like all others, it has to be controlled,†he adds. He advises that in a long-term relationship, it is best to calm down and discuss issues and not return harm for harm.
However, if this does not work, walking out is always an alternative. “Easier said than done,†says Maggie. I cannot sit by and let him make a fool of me,†she says. “I would cheat on him if he cheated.â€
But Nsubuga warns that such anger inebriates the thinking process. You cannot think straight. This is probably the reason some plead temporary insanity in court.
Whatever the situation, the only cure for your rage is pouring your energy into something else. And to stay as far away from that person as you can.
Either way, in time, your heart and all will feel better.
HEAVEN has no rage like love turned to hate, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned, a wise man once said. Losing someone you love hurts; probably as much as having your eyes poked out or walking on hot coals. It hurts even more when they cheated on you.
Do you retaliate and hurt that person too? Burn his clothes, spread dirty rumours about her, beat up her new man or smash the windows of his car? (That’s my favourite). Will it actually make you feel any better? Jean believed it would.
Her man, whom she had been with for two years and obviously loved, woke up one morning, out of the blue and broke the news that he was leaving her.
It came as a big shock. Days later, to prove his point, he invited his new girl to move in with him, thus showing Jean the door. Licking her wounds and salvaging her pride, she decided to bow out gracefully.
When she went to pick her things from his house, the new girl’s clothes were right on top of hers. All thoughts of grace vanished from her mind.
Without thinking too much about it, she grabbed paraffin and proceeded to set the bed and everything on it on fire. She was never really violent. I suppose that is why she called him and calmly informed him that his house would soon be on fire.
Destroying his things made her extremely happy, but in the long run, she was just filled with shame. Getting over him took a while, but she managed it, gracefully this time.
In some cases, the pattern is pain, more pain, anger and numbness before ultimately moving on. For others, however, the numbness is replaced by a burning desire to get revenge.
I think that age-old saying should be updated and read thus…nor hell a fury like a man/woman scorned.
Although many men argue that they would simply walk away, cases of nude photos sent by spurned boyfriends to the papers reads something else.
Mark confesses to spending a lot of time scheming to pay his ex back for breaking his heart. He planned to date her sister and embarrass her in public.
With time, though, he laughed at himself for even considering the things he did. But is it worth it?
Edward Lukabala, a counsellor, warns against the eye-for-an-eye concept.
“It is a double risk and in hurting a partner you would end up hurting yourself too,†he cautions.
People are different and while some people are cool-headed enough to turn their backs and await the healing process, others believe in getting even.
Letting out your anger is a good step towards healing, but blind rage can lead you to do things you later regret.
Henry Nsubuga, another counsellor, warns that the harm you may cause extends far beyond the physical.
Forget being locked up in jail, you may now be known by everyone as the man who undressed his wife in public.
“Anger is an emotion and, like all others, it has to be controlled,†he adds. He advises that in a long-term relationship, it is best to calm down and discuss issues and not return harm for harm.
However, if this does not work, walking out is always an alternative. “Easier said than done,†says Maggie. I cannot sit by and let him make a fool of me,†she says. “I would cheat on him if he cheated.â€
But Nsubuga warns that such anger inebriates the thinking process. You cannot think straight. This is probably the reason some plead temporary insanity in court.
Whatever the situation, the only cure for your rage is pouring your energy into something else. And to stay as far away from that person as you can.
Either way, in time, your heart and all will feel better.