Affection display- Is public love ever genuine?
I envy that couple. They have been married for over 30 years, have big children, but their love is still hot. They walk hand-in-hand, hug, kiss and cuddle even at public functions. <br>
By Lillian Agasha
I envy that couple. They have been married for over 30 years, have big children, but their love is still hot. They walk hand-in-hand, hug, kiss and cuddle even at public functions.
Theirs must be a marriage made in heaven,†a friend once commented at a function after seeing the woman seated next to us pick her glass of wine to feed her husband.
“That’s why our marriages don’t last,†she continued, “we don’t know how to tickle them where it matters.â€
Where it matters indeed! I thought to myself, my lips twitching mischievously.
Not that I did not agree with my friend, but I knew more than she did about that particular couple. What with the numerous tales of bashing of car windscreens and flushing car keys down the toilet on accusations of infidelity; smashing glasses and breaking window panes because one of them had returned home at an ungodly hour, name it.
Every malevolence had befallen this couple! And here was my friend, rattling on endlessly about how happy the couple was!
I chose not to dwell on the topic because I knew ‘the story behind the press release’. But one thing that caught my attention was the bold show of affection.
“You see,†she explained, “men love bold women. They want women who can farce and be all over them wherever they are! Touch, cuddle, kiss and tease him!†To this, I almost choked with laughter!
Me? Kiss? Cuddle in public? In the name of affection? Excuse me! Call me spent, outdated, archaic, ancient, any adjective you deem fit, but I will not push my tongue out in broad daylight! I know how to love; I have a warm heart.
High levels of oxytocin flow in my veins. I can do silly things under the hazy moonlight, as the stars coyly wink, and the cool evening breeze gently blows across the calm waters of Lake Victoria, but not before the prying public eye!
The good African girl in me cannot allow it. I keep what is within me within me – I am no actress, I am very private. You see, as I was growing up, I was taught emphatically to never strip myself bare.
And with this, Grace Ahabwe, a mother of four in her late 30s concurs: “I am a very loving woman – very affectionate. My man too is, but who cares? Who wants to know? It is between me and my man. It is not a public show.
We hold hands, hug, kiss at an appropriate time and venue, away from the public. I have known cases where people do this public display, but behind closed doors, the kisses turn into slaps; the very hand he used to caress you at a party turns into an axe to split your skull as soon as you enter the bedroom. It is hot air!†Ahabwe says.
And to Dora, 42, a banker, it all goes back to upbringing. “I was brought up in a home where humility and modesty are much adored; I grew up knowing that matters of love are private.
What if someone knows a different story? Some men are known to live double lives. I don’t want to make myself a topic of reference. I am better off keeping it strictly in my bedroom,†she says.
“I am not callous but these things are really not for us Africans,†says Doreen, a mother of three, also in her 30s. “If my husband started kissing and caressing me in public, I would think he is trying to cover up something.
I have seen many people who behave like that. When you get to know their stories, your hair stands on end!†says Doreen. “I think some people cannot draw the line between a public and private affair.
Love is a private inner feeling, why should I display it in public?â€
Tomorrow, when you bump into me kissing and cuddling him on the streets, do not coil underneath your skin.
Stop, walk straight to me, look me in the eye and say: “What did you say? Shame on you!†For lack of words, I will jump onto the nearest boda boda, rush home and hide in between my bedsheets!
I envy that couple. They have been married for over 30 years, have big children, but their love is still hot. They walk hand-in-hand, hug, kiss and cuddle even at public functions.
Theirs must be a marriage made in heaven,†a friend once commented at a function after seeing the woman seated next to us pick her glass of wine to feed her husband.
“That’s why our marriages don’t last,†she continued, “we don’t know how to tickle them where it matters.â€
Where it matters indeed! I thought to myself, my lips twitching mischievously.
Not that I did not agree with my friend, but I knew more than she did about that particular couple. What with the numerous tales of bashing of car windscreens and flushing car keys down the toilet on accusations of infidelity; smashing glasses and breaking window panes because one of them had returned home at an ungodly hour, name it.
Every malevolence had befallen this couple! And here was my friend, rattling on endlessly about how happy the couple was!
I chose not to dwell on the topic because I knew ‘the story behind the press release’. But one thing that caught my attention was the bold show of affection.
“You see,†she explained, “men love bold women. They want women who can farce and be all over them wherever they are! Touch, cuddle, kiss and tease him!†To this, I almost choked with laughter!
Me? Kiss? Cuddle in public? In the name of affection? Excuse me! Call me spent, outdated, archaic, ancient, any adjective you deem fit, but I will not push my tongue out in broad daylight! I know how to love; I have a warm heart.
High levels of oxytocin flow in my veins. I can do silly things under the hazy moonlight, as the stars coyly wink, and the cool evening breeze gently blows across the calm waters of Lake Victoria, but not before the prying public eye!
The good African girl in me cannot allow it. I keep what is within me within me – I am no actress, I am very private. You see, as I was growing up, I was taught emphatically to never strip myself bare.
And with this, Grace Ahabwe, a mother of four in her late 30s concurs: “I am a very loving woman – very affectionate. My man too is, but who cares? Who wants to know? It is between me and my man. It is not a public show.
We hold hands, hug, kiss at an appropriate time and venue, away from the public. I have known cases where people do this public display, but behind closed doors, the kisses turn into slaps; the very hand he used to caress you at a party turns into an axe to split your skull as soon as you enter the bedroom. It is hot air!†Ahabwe says.
And to Dora, 42, a banker, it all goes back to upbringing. “I was brought up in a home where humility and modesty are much adored; I grew up knowing that matters of love are private.
What if someone knows a different story? Some men are known to live double lives. I don’t want to make myself a topic of reference. I am better off keeping it strictly in my bedroom,†she says.
“I am not callous but these things are really not for us Africans,†says Doreen, a mother of three, also in her 30s. “If my husband started kissing and caressing me in public, I would think he is trying to cover up something.
I have seen many people who behave like that. When you get to know their stories, your hair stands on end!†says Doreen. “I think some people cannot draw the line between a public and private affair.
Love is a private inner feeling, why should I display it in public?â€
Tomorrow, when you bump into me kissing and cuddling him on the streets, do not coil underneath your skin.
Stop, walk straight to me, look me in the eye and say: “What did you say? Shame on you!†For lack of words, I will jump onto the nearest boda boda, rush home and hide in between my bedsheets!