Dear Aunt Liz
Sep 18, 2009
We were so close that I used to visit his family frequently. He had promised to marry me after university. However, after my final exams, I got the shock of my life when I learnt that he was wedding in two weeks time. I never called him about it.
We were so close that I used to visit his family frequently. He had promised to marry me after university. However, after my final exams, I got the shock of my life when I learnt that he was wedding in two weeks time. I never called him about it. He too kept silent. Of late, he has started calling me wanting us to be friends. I don’t want to have anything to do with him. What can I do?
CB
Dear CB,
It sounds like a lot had been happening in the background that you had no idea about. It looks like he still has some strings attached to you. Could this be genuine? Or possibly he is surrounded by guilt since he didn’t keep his word. If he wants to revive the friendship that you shared, that’s for you to decide but you need to understand that things can never be the same as they were. Trust was broken and it is not easy to restore it. It takes time to be able to reach a point where you can forgive him. Part of the healing process is to move on, be positive about life, challenges do exist but there is a lot of opportunity.
My husband and I never seem to get along. Even before we married, we used to argue over everything. each one wanted things done their way. I thought marriage would bring changes but two years later, we reach an extent where we don’t talk to each other for a while. Shall we ever have peace?
Ann
Dear Ann
I must say that it takes a heart of love to desire what is best for both of you in your marriage. Having to carry on in an unstable marriage can breed a lot of uncertainty where you never seem to know what the next day is going to be. How do you resolve issues? Do you find yourself pointing fingers at your partner? Like saying, “You did this…†or “It is your faultâ€.
When you have a disagreement and you bring it out in an accusing manner, he is likely to react in the same way. Conflict is better handled by focusing on the issue that caused the disagreement and not the person. Remember each individual has an ego that we want to protect so there is a tendency to be defensive, especially when accused. I am glad you realise that you need help.
Feel free to see a counsellor with your husband. You could also talk about issues with your partner as they happen. Learn to admit where you are wrong. Be willing to take an initiative to ask for forgiveness, it doesn’t mean that you are stooping so low, this is where your success lies. It is about love.
CB
Dear CB,
It sounds like a lot had been happening in the background that you had no idea about. It looks like he still has some strings attached to you. Could this be genuine? Or possibly he is surrounded by guilt since he didn’t keep his word. If he wants to revive the friendship that you shared, that’s for you to decide but you need to understand that things can never be the same as they were. Trust was broken and it is not easy to restore it. It takes time to be able to reach a point where you can forgive him. Part of the healing process is to move on, be positive about life, challenges do exist but there is a lot of opportunity.
My husband and I never seem to get along. Even before we married, we used to argue over everything. each one wanted things done their way. I thought marriage would bring changes but two years later, we reach an extent where we don’t talk to each other for a while. Shall we ever have peace?
Ann
Dear Ann
I must say that it takes a heart of love to desire what is best for both of you in your marriage. Having to carry on in an unstable marriage can breed a lot of uncertainty where you never seem to know what the next day is going to be. How do you resolve issues? Do you find yourself pointing fingers at your partner? Like saying, “You did this…†or “It is your faultâ€.
When you have a disagreement and you bring it out in an accusing manner, he is likely to react in the same way. Conflict is better handled by focusing on the issue that caused the disagreement and not the person. Remember each individual has an ego that we want to protect so there is a tendency to be defensive, especially when accused. I am glad you realise that you need help.
Feel free to see a counsellor with your husband. You could also talk about issues with your partner as they happen. Learn to admit where you are wrong. Be willing to take an initiative to ask for forgiveness, it doesn’t mean that you are stooping so low, this is where your success lies. It is about love.