Dear Aunt Liz
Oct 02, 2009
<b>I cannot satisfy her</b><br>I have a girlfriend whom I intend to marry and we have been sexually active but she has failed to attain an orgasm. I don’t know what to do because I have tried foreplay but have failed. I love her.
I cannot satisfy her
I have a girlfriend whom I intend to marry and we have been sexually active but she has failed to attain an orgasm. I don’t know what to do because I have tried foreplay but have failed. I love her. She attains orgasm when we have non-penetrative sex and when I do it to her myself, she likes it. Please help us.
James T
Dear James,
Thank you for owning up to the challenge. It is clear you are getting anxious about your inability to please your partner.
Could it be that you are nervous or worried about something? There is a situation called ‘performance anxiety’, where you get worried that you will not perform. Worrying about your inability to perform can make you fail to perform. You are not married yet; do you feel guilty because of premarital sex? Other times it could be fear of pregnancy or STDs.
Share your sexual experiences openly. You need to understand that while nearly all men attain orgasm during sexual intercourse, it is not easy for the women. Try to relax and focus on pleasing your partner not attaining orgasm. Find out from her what she finds pleasurable.
My wife has changed
I have been married for five years. After the birth of our first born, my wife started changing. She no longer welcomes me from work and never greets me anymore. At first I thought it was as a result of the birth but it has lasted for three years. She no longer wants us to have sex. I have tried to talk to her but each time, she tells me that things will change. I am totally confused and thinking of getting another wife. Please advise.
Kateregga
Dear Kateregga,
There could be some deep-seated issues going on in your relationship. Just talking to your wife about her behaviour may seem like you are pointing out her faults which may not help.
She needs to know that you are trying to understand what is going on without accusing her. Find a suitable time to do this. It could be that she is overwhelmed with the home responsibilities or she is not finding the relationship fulfilling. When it comes to sex, part of the sexual desire in a woman is activated by the kind of affection you show to her prior to sex. This comes from how you speak to her or how available you are for her other than when you want to have sex. Sometimes your presence alone may be affectionate. just to let her know that you care.
This appeals so much to her even when it seems insignificant.
If you find that you opening up is not easy for you, find a counsellor.
I have a girlfriend whom I intend to marry and we have been sexually active but she has failed to attain an orgasm. I don’t know what to do because I have tried foreplay but have failed. I love her. She attains orgasm when we have non-penetrative sex and when I do it to her myself, she likes it. Please help us.
James T
Dear James,
Thank you for owning up to the challenge. It is clear you are getting anxious about your inability to please your partner.
Could it be that you are nervous or worried about something? There is a situation called ‘performance anxiety’, where you get worried that you will not perform. Worrying about your inability to perform can make you fail to perform. You are not married yet; do you feel guilty because of premarital sex? Other times it could be fear of pregnancy or STDs.
Share your sexual experiences openly. You need to understand that while nearly all men attain orgasm during sexual intercourse, it is not easy for the women. Try to relax and focus on pleasing your partner not attaining orgasm. Find out from her what she finds pleasurable.
My wife has changed
I have been married for five years. After the birth of our first born, my wife started changing. She no longer welcomes me from work and never greets me anymore. At first I thought it was as a result of the birth but it has lasted for three years. She no longer wants us to have sex. I have tried to talk to her but each time, she tells me that things will change. I am totally confused and thinking of getting another wife. Please advise.
Kateregga
Dear Kateregga,
There could be some deep-seated issues going on in your relationship. Just talking to your wife about her behaviour may seem like you are pointing out her faults which may not help.
She needs to know that you are trying to understand what is going on without accusing her. Find a suitable time to do this. It could be that she is overwhelmed with the home responsibilities or she is not finding the relationship fulfilling. When it comes to sex, part of the sexual desire in a woman is activated by the kind of affection you show to her prior to sex. This comes from how you speak to her or how available you are for her other than when you want to have sex. Sometimes your presence alone may be affectionate. just to let her know that you care.
This appeals so much to her even when it seems insignificant.
If you find that you opening up is not easy for you, find a counsellor.